The following are comments that we received here that you may have missed. This is by no means comprehensive, just a few that stood out to me.
This is evidence we are truly building a community here, one that loves and supports, uplifts and makes a difference. We are hard at work to grow what we offer you here, how you can more easily access the library of amazing information we have compiled and to minimize the advertising, crucial to offsetting costs to even be here.
Comment on “Outed by Instagram“
Hi Kandi,
Elizabeth Skye
I hope I can convey myself in a coherent way here. I don’t have the gift of clarity like some of you do. I absolutely love the people like Amanda and yourself who can clearly explain anything. Maybe it comes with experience. I’ve been away from any online presence and social media for several months now to avoid the drama that my dual personality has caused and dealing with many personal issues. But I’ve never stopped haunting your site on occasion and have kept myself informed by it. I can’t seem to stay away, even though I’ve typically just kept to myself. It’s always so enlightening and refreshing to read what you and your fellow contributors have to say. I love how grounded you all are and it makes me miss talking with you so much. Many of you older ladies have offered me support and a listening ear if I ever needed someone to talk to. I have so appreciated that. Many of my own questions have been answered and my knowledge increased by reading the posts and comments from your site. It is such a valuable resource to me. I just recently came back to Flickr. I signed up for Facebook once, using my legal name and persona and immediately had hundreds of suggestions for friends of people that I knew or had known from even when i was a young child in school but had nothing to do with for over 20 years. How did Facebook know that I had ever had any association with some of these people? It was creepy and I got rather freaked out. I ended up never even connecting with anyone or using that account. Other than that I have never done any social media activity except Flickr and YouTube and even that’s quite limited. The more I hear about the major social media sites, the more I want to avoid them. I really enjoy having a wholesome life outside of the internet and social media. On the whole, my electronic devices are just distractions, they are not my life. I am so glad to hear stories like these. I try to learn as much as I can from others to avoid the same experiences. But of course I still have to have some of my own experiences and I’m grateful for them. I am carefully returning to a limited online presence as Liz. I cannot escape her and for now, online is still about the only way she can escape to express her true feelings. But reading stories like this makes me more determined than ever to have nothing to with those social media sites. I’m so grateful to have places like this where I can safely talk to my “sisters.” Thank you for being there for me even when you probably didn’t know it and I was apparently absent.
Love, Liz
Liz,
I wish I deserved all of this, but I will humbly thank you so much!! When I started this blog, what you have said here is exactly what I had envisioned. I will acknowledge my bias here, but I truly will stack up what we do here against any other blog or forum. We actually foster help, love and support. There is no pettiness, backbiting or sniping at each other. If there was I would delete it and guess what? There never is any.
It thrills me to no end to get comments like this or just yesterday, I got an email from a reader in New Zealand. I’ve also gotten communication from someone in Germany and of course, we are strong in the UK. So while I 1,000% agree with you about social media, I have been successful in using it to build our community, make real human connections and make those invisible bonds with so many ladies.
Sweetheart, thank you for that belated Christmas gift!
Kandi
Comment on “What I Was Able to Accomplish in 2022“
Kandi,
Fiona
That is quite a list of accomplishments and you certainly should be proud of the many ways you represented the trans community in such a positive fashion.
For me, 2022 was a major turning point in my life. On May 5, 2022 I walked out of the house dressed completely en femme for the first time and have not looked back since. I was out 127 times through year’s end and now spend the majority of my time, in or out, as Fiona. I expect 2023 will be a very interesting and fulfilling year.
All the best,
I want to congratulate you on finding a way to live life on your terms. I am so happy to have heard that and BTW, that’s literally going from zero to sixty in 2 seconds! You are amazing! Just the best way to start my day today!
Kandi
A comment from “Clocked“.
Kandi,
Christy Summers
I love your advice: Be SMART, be APPROPRIATE, be CONFIDENT, and be VISIBLE. This advice has worked well for me. I am generally not worried about my surroundings, but like you suggest, I am smart and don’t put myself in places that are not safe. My style of dress has evolved over the past five years to be more appropriate. Yea, like many girls, I went through a “I wanna be a sexy 20 year old” period. LOL. I think confidence is key. Hold your head up, shoulders back and down and make eye contact. Finally, I am definitely visible. I remember when I would only go out at night. I felt like a vampire. But then once I started going out in the daytime, I never looked back. Once again, thank you for all the great advice.
xoxoxoxo
Christy
Christy,
I am always thrilled when I get comments. But when someone comments for the first time, it gives me a sense of purpose. We are doing something really good here and then when someone confirms my experiences, I am just in Heaven!
Life is not easy, there are difficulties for everyone, rich, poor, old, young, black, white, male, female and then there is us. And we are simply the most amazing people on the planet. You keep being the fabulous you that you are!
I am writing this on NYE and you just started my new year off perfectly!!!!
Thanks darling!!
Kandi
A comment from “Coping“.
Kandi, I coped in similar fashion. I never admitted to myself I was a CDer. I siloed that behavior off. For much of my life I focused on my work to not let my mind idle. I played sports in HS. I never smiled for the camera either. I considered smiling “showing others” my feminine side that I wanted hidden. I was embarrassed and ashamed of my feminine side.
But then I semi-retired before COVID. And being semi-retired it allows one more time……to think. Uh oh. One day while dressing, my egg cracked. I admitted to myself for the first time I was a CDer. No more denial. I eventually told my wife through a letter I had her read and it went amazingly well. And now almost 3 years later from that time I dress every day at home and consider myself Trans (but won’t transition) much like yourself.
It really is amazing how the mind works with coping. I was in denial for most of my life. I repressed it. Now every day I feel like I look back and re-examining my life through a new prism without denial and it is kind of interesting to review my actions and non-actions.
Christina Cross
Christina,
I guess the thing that strikes me to this day, I was like so many others. Almost, literally, exactly like them. Like you. I knew I was not alone that I liked to wear women’s clothing, as that is all I would allow myself to admit, to myself. But how I processed it, wow, so many of us do so almost exactly the same, on almost exactly the same timelines.
You are just awesome. You readers out there, yeah you, you are awesome too!
Thanks so very much for your affirmation here!
Kandi
Also from “Coping” via a text to me.
Some are infrequent commenters and all touched me like you don’t know……
Check out the updated “Acting Roles” page!
The work has begin to make improvements here, You can see some minor changes now as we are operating on a new platform and you will continue to see them as we go. We ask your patience as we undergo this facelift!
14 Responses
Kandi,
These wonderful examples show how much we can improve lives of others . I hope your new plans work out . I miss the closer interaction with other members so I hope you will be offering greater possibilities . I appreciate the extra work as you may need to moderate it yourself or find someone to work along side you .
My only word of caution is we don’t sugar coat too much , there are some tough realities to accept , perhaps some can help deal with those aspects in the future .
I don’t believe I have sugar coated a thing! Remember though, you are going down a much more difficult road, which we completely acknowledge here, full time. Most of our readers are what I call “transitioning in place”. While they may want to do that, for many reasons, they simply cannot or will not. We are honest, if nothing else here. Thanks Terri!!
Kandi – as you know I’m never one to shy away from leaving a comment, more so this time as I was named in one of the ones you quoted!
In my time here, I’ve been on the receiving end of many comments, every single one of which has been a true gift. There’s a lot of talk in the CDer community about validation; when I started out, I took that to mean a comment to the effect that I looked nice or was born to be a woman. They’re very nice to read but, let’s face it, those who lurk around the trans girls on Flickr are either trans themselves or have a deep (and possibly unhealthy!) interest in this particular community. Either way, they’re biased! But what I came to realise was that true validation is when someone is interested enough in what you say to tell you that they agree with you or, indeed, disagree with you. It’s when someone tells you that they’re going through what you’ve described and thanks you for the reassurance. Or it’s when someone extends the hand of genuine friendship and leaves a comment because that’s what friends do. I’ve often said that ‘Amanda’ is a part of who I am, not someone I become and everything I’ve just described signifies acceptance of me as I am and is perhaps an indication that the inner woman I’ve been battling with for as long as I can remember is as deserving a place in society as her male alter ego.
But there is an important message running through your post and that is the importance of what you have created. Without Kandi’s Land, there would be no posts. And without posts, there would be no readers. And without readers, there would be no comments. What you have created here is nothing short of amazing. And whilst anyone can set up a forum, few could do it in such a way that it becomes such a fertile breeding ground for opinion and support. You only have to look at the quality and depth of thought of the posts from both you and the other contributors to realise that we’re all part of something quite special. Contributors may come and go but the community flourishes and goes from strength to strength and that really says all we need to know about the value that everyone who comes here, whether or not they contribute or comment, places on it.
The world would be a lesser place without Kandi’s Land!
I’m speechless, without speech! I simply do not know what to say, so sometimes the simplest words are the most effective….thank you from the bottom of my heart, dear!!
As another of those possibly being referred to above, from the other side of the world I can only concur with all of the comments posted. This place is cool and populated by great people. I agree with Teresa around closer interaction; I love having those one on one conversations where you can talk about and share things you may not necessarily want to post in public. Perhaps some way to do that would be great as not everyone wants to share their email address.
The only issue going forward is keeping this as a site where those who do this as a craft and those with a deeper need, at whatever level, still feel it is ‘their’ place. I’ve seen that difference destroy other sites.
But, with the awesome efforts Kandi has made, and with the quality of the people here, I don’t see that as a problem!
And while I agree with Theresa on the sugar-coating comment, I still want some sugar – if what we do isn’t fun too then why do we do it? I’ve sent Kandi some stories written from the direction of fun, but with a message. I hope I can make a positive contribution to this site too.
One thing I have been very good at here, on my Flickr page and on Facebook, I generally don’t get the “creeps” and I do not get into arguments with critical people.
One reason, I do not suffer fools. Two, I block anything that doesn’t fit and as such I get feedback and a sense of community with the right people.
I am working on all of that on this and the new site, but I am not going to lie, my technical weaknesses are slowing down my progress as I have soooo much to learn!
I agree with Teresa and totally agree with Amanda. As possibly one of those referred to above, from the other side of the world, I have to say this place is cool and populated by great people. Excellent work Kandi! But I too, like Teresa, (if I read your comment correctly), like the one on one interaction; sometimes there are things you only want to share offline, and not everyone is comfortable with swapping email addresses. So if that happens in the future it would be great!
The challenge though is getting the content balance between those of us who see this as a craft, for want of a better description, and those who are in a different place, at whatever level. I’ve seen getting the right balance destroy other sites in the past.
I don’t think that will happen here though!
I don’t see any sign of sugar coating but that said, I want some sugar too! If this isn’t fun then why are we here?
I’ve written some contributions for Kandi that I hope strike a balance between entertaining and maybe a bit educational. Or at the very least, a list of the things I’ve done wrong in the hope others may avoid them! Hopefully they fit here.
I’m really looking forward to watching how this place develops and grows.
Top stuff Kandi!
You are helping make this top stuff! Ladies, Maddie has written some great content!
Amanda,
That’s a very interesting comment on validation . It’s only natural a CDer who only has the possibilty to dress occasionally will enjoy receiving praise but as you say their motive may not be totally clear . Hence my comment to Kandi about sugar coating , false praise is worse than no praise at all . Again Kandi points out that my road is different to some other members , not receiving praise is more of a compliment to me because it means I have been accepted as a woman . The last time I was told I looked great was a from a gay neighbour , I quietly thanked him and moved the conversation along .
The subject of validation came up with my gender counsellor , I posed her the question of only using her for validation ? As a professional she was ready for that one put my mind at ease on that point .
Forums are useful if used in the correct way , i made my first contact with a friend who invited me to their trans meetings but I fell foul of moderators through their hypocrisy and was banned .
“not receiving praise is more of a compliment to me because it means I have been accepted as a woman”
Perfectly said! Exactly!!
I have written many, many times about my not passing and the proof being I get a bunch of compliments. My reasoning was always if I passed, then I would not get such compliments.
You absolutely helped me make that point. Thanks Terri!!
Kandi, thanks so much for including my comment in your post. It is nice to know with our comments we can show to others that we are not alone and it is “ok” to be our authentic selves!
-Christina Cross
Absolutely! All my pleasure.
I agree with Christina. If placing my short blurb in your post helps even one CD to live more comfortably with their femme self, I’d be a happy camper. Thanks Kandi.
Fiona
You are all so awesome!!