The amazing Trish recently left me the following (edited) message:
A mature CDH [editorial note: Crossdresser Heaven is CDH, a site I have been banned from, for calling BS on someone and I was 1,000% correct] friend of mine is having second thoughts of going out in public. She has been out though and is terribly afraid of being clocked. So who do you suppose sprang into my head? Yup, you’re right. It was you.
I filled her in a bit on what you do and told her to google Kandi’s Land. Hopefully she does. Her name is XXX XXX. You have been an immense help to me so I hope she reaches out to you.The amazing Trish
Getting clocked. The very first time I was out in public, in full Kandi mode, was in a mall in Detroit, January 2015. A number of teen age girls took a particular interest in walking past me. Guess what? Now remember, this was the FIRST time. Who cares! I didn’t. Now I didn’t own it like I would now, but I survived. I went out again and again and again…… You get the point.
This gets back to the whole blending vs. passing discussion. None of us, upon any reasonable scrutiny, passes. You can take hormones. You can have surgery. You can have the best DNA in the world. The very significant majority of us have one similar trait: man hands. There is zero way to get away from that unless you are the unicorn, born male, with female hands. I am sure you exist out there, but there ain’t many of you.
So if you accept you will be clocked, what do you do about that? Embrace the hell out of it. Don’t put yourself in places where that will matter or at least where it will bother you. I have had hundreds of amazing experiences, many I have written about here, many on the old blog, many pre-blog. Do you know why these experiences happened? Because I got clocked! Cis-women simply don’t walk up to another (perceived) cis-woman and give them a hug. Me, I have been hugged easily a thousand times because I am ME, trans, CD, whatever you want to label me as, representing, being proud, being a woman. Yes, me.
This is literally no different than anything else you might want to accomplish in life. Want to be a great parent? You will make mistakes. Want to run a solid Boston Marathon? You will suck beyond words but you will work to get back and do better. Want to be yourself? Embrace what that entails and work the hell out of it. Want to go out, be perceived as and treated as a woman? Then accept certain facts. Cis-women are tomboys, are heavy, are beautiful, as tall, are thin, are whatever other adjective you can think of. They are human. Be human. Be feminine. Be You for goodness sake! Are you really going to allow a perceived or expressed perception of you lock you away forever in a closet?
No offense, but that is simply ignorant (look up the actual meaning of of that word).
You will be clocked. Be smart and put yourself in favorable circumstances. Be appropriate, dressed to gain those compliments for exactly what you are afraid of being clocked for. Be confident, you are an amazing person. Be visible, if I don’t, if no one else does, go out, then guess what, they win, we lose.
Seriously, do you really think this soon-to-be first ballot Pro Football Hall of Famer thought he was taking a picture with someone born female. Hell no! What this is is a picture of two human beings contributing to an amazing cause, nothing more, nothing less. Clocked, I could hardly give a shit……