*An excerpt from my upcoming book.
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Learn How to Be True to Yourself
There’s no one out there who knows you better than you know yourself! Your likes, dislikes and indifferences should be more apparent to you than to anyone else. However, you may find it hard sometimes to really commit to what you know about yourself.
Being true to yourself needs you to have a crystal clear vision of the person you want to become.
When you close your eyes, who do you see? You must be able to see yourself down to minute detail. This includes exterior as well as interior aspects of yourself.
Why is this so important? Unless you can do this, every bump in your journey will throw you way off course. It allows you to know when to say “Yes” as well as what to say “No”.
Your vision is your TRANS TRUTH.
Truth in all its iterations is the picture of reality as it pertains to you.
Becoming your truth as it pertains to yourself requires a lifetime of work. Life throws out all sorts of scenarios that test your knowledge of who you are and your commitment to living up to your own expectations.
Life is about your journey along the spiral of your own becoming. Sure, you’ll get off track but get right back on.
You’ll probably be the first to admit that there have been occasions when you’ve lost your way or maybe even participated in “The Purge”. Maybe multiple times.
But it’s nothing to be ashamed of; it happens to even those who are the most self-aware. Going forward, however, it certainly doesn’t hurt to work towards achieving complete honesty so you can avoid compromising your truth.
Here are some tips for when you feel like you’ve lost your way.
1. Think it through; then act quickly. Whenever you find yourself in a situation where you may end up being untrue to yourself, take a moment to think about the situation. Think about what it would mean if you did what you felt was right versus giving in to expectations. Ask yourself, “Is what I’m experiencing moving me closer to or away from the vision of my truth?”. Then act accordingly.
As far as deciding, you can declare to yourself and others without “coming out”. If that’s the case, be decisive and make your values known but be generic. Your time will come. You’ll know when that is and you can be specific then.
* If you decide that you ought to stick to what you feel, act quickly to make your point of view be heard. Sometimes, taking too long to make a statement dilutes its effectiveness, and people may doubt your sincerity and commitment to what you’ve declared.
2. Resist getting triggered by assessing the root of each situation. One key thing you can do when your truth is being questioned is to ask yourself why someone else is asking you to go against your truth. Are they not placing enough worth on your point of view? Where are they coming from as it pertains to their perspective?
Seeking to understand first, then be understood is the formula.
It’s true, most don’t do this but you’re not “most people”, are you? Be the bigger person and set the example for others that come after you. Have them think, “Wow, she’s not at all what I thought”. Too many of us get triggered, angry or explode on those they see as having offended us. This simply exacerbates the situation and solidifies their view that Trans people are just as they thought they were (whatever that may be). Let’s change their perception one person at a time.
* If you know the person for any length of time, you may want to reconsider your relationship with that person. Are they really here to build you up or break you down? Ideally, you want to associate with those people who support your journey of uniqueness.
3. Trust your gut. In many cases, you’ll find that the pit of your stomach gives both physical and psychological clues about whether you’re being true to yourself. Take a second to think about this: how often has your stomach ended up in knots when you’re in an uncomfortable situation? I cover why this happens in other chapters because it’s fascinating.
* That gut feeling never lies. It’s your Bullshit Meter as my son calls it. If you pay close attention to it, you’ll realize that it pops up whenever there’s a moral stance required. And when you ignore it, it plays on your conscience. When you listen to it, you solidify your truth.
Situations and circumstances will arise to throw off your commitment to your Truth as well. You’ll feel pressured to agree with popular beliefs, even though deep down you may not agree with them. You’ll even feel the urge to do something that’s completely wrong because you feel doing otherwise would be detrimental.
As I’ve stated, my goal is not to make a decision for you regarding transitioning, but to get you to ask questions about it and understand. After understanding, you’ll make a wiser decision and one that’s comfortable for you. Transitioning is very difficult physically and psychologically. I want you to be prepared should you decide to go forward because you did the work required beforehand.
But at the end of the day, when all those situations have passed, you still have to live with yourself. You still have to come to terms with the decisions you’ve made and live with knowing that the outcome was solely based on your choices – good or bad.
The best way forward is to pay close attention to who you are and what you want out of life. Achieve your fullest potential. Become your truth.
Remember that you are in charge of the direction of your life!
3 Responses
Gwen,
I’m not convinced we ever truly know ourselves , I agree we can be sidetracked and it’s up to us to consider if it’s of value to us or not . I appreciate your comments are based on out trans situation but your comments cover most people’s lives . I have done things beyond my comfort zone , my gut feeling suggest I shouldn’t but in choosing to ignore that my life improved because I’d proved I was capable of more . Perhaps the two go together we can never know our trues selves because we don’t know our limitations .
I admit a few years ago if someone told me I would be living fulltime as a woman I would have laughed in their faces , I didn’t set out to prove anyone wrong , I guess in that context I was following my gut instinct . For many years I read that feeling as something wasn’t right , follwoing my insticts at that time filled me with guilt and shame . It took a while to realise those feelings were imposed by others , they were trying to dictate feelings I should be feeling and not my actual feelings .
I still have good days and bad , that’s me , my personality , trying to change is wrong , the bottom line is we should be US , warst and all and not become something others want us to be .
Hi Teresa,
Thanks for such a well thought out response.
My book is simply to assist in making a solid decision that’s right for the reader. Too many go forward with full transition and regret it and others don’t and regret it also. It’s more of a guide to find the best vision of yourself for that moment in time. We try to make the best decision based on our self awareness at that moment.
If I can save even a few lives along the way or help some to deal with the pressures placed upon us by society as well as ourselves, I think I’ll have done what I’d set out to do.
G
Gwen,
That is the importance of meeting other menbers of the trans community , I have friends in all spectrums of transition . The ones fully transitioned have been a great eye opener , they don’t go on to live a perfect life as a woman , some of the hangups remain , acceptance isn’t 100% . Up to that point I felt a fraud because full transition wasn’t going to happen now I realise it’s what you make it , where you find happiness and try not to be influenced by others who try and tell you otherwise .
Your book is a great idea and I hope it does help others , we have to take care we do’t try and live their lives for them .