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Triple Stack

A bunch of stuff from a few days.

March 23, 2024, orientation for The Cleveland International Film Festival (CIFF) and a shift at Darlafoxx. Wish I could spin a great tale. Just doing my job(s) and very much looking forward to CIFF. This is a real special couple of weeks for me as I am always noticed and I have had great opportunities to meet some Hollywood types.

Side story: See that sweater? Not mine anymore. The Angel Known as My Wife thought it was cute. I gave it to her and she wore it out and now it’s hers. Win-win in my mind… Also, since she wears a uniform to work, she doesn’t get dressed up often. Easter Sunday, she wore a skirt I was moving out of the wardrobe, two days in my old hand-me-downs.

March 24, 2024 was to have consisted of brunch with the enigmatic, mysterious Sherry and a shift at Darlafoxx, but I was told late that I was not needed at work. Since I had a full day originally planned, I had zero idea how to kill that time especially since I was dressed. Sher and I met for brunch and enjoyed each other’s company (I guess I can only speak for myself, hope she did, but we never hear from her enough here…) and neither of us could come up with a single other thing to do. We poked around a rather cool old record store and called it a day after only a few hours. I went home and frankly felt lost, not knowing what to do on a very rare off day while my wife was at work.

The photo with the enigma that opens this post pleases me to no end. Wish life were simpler and us two girls could hang out more often. But alas, nothing in life, NOTHING, is easy. Despite my razzing her for her reluctance to post here unless I guilt her into it (laying it on heavy now), she is BFF, always!

It was a weird sort of day, beautiful sunshine but temps under 40. Palm Sunday prior to an upcoming Easter weekend followed by (in the land known as Kandi’s Land) the NCAA Women’s Final Four (yep, in Cleveland for the second time), the opening of the film festival, the Guardians home opener and that whole solar eclipse thing. We are supposed to double the amount of human beings in the region as many are coming in to see it (we are apparently the one of the best places on the planet to see it). Me, I figure it gets dark every evening, what’s the big deal?

In the category of “These Things Always Happen to Me”, I was offered a speaking role in a short film, playing a flight attendant. Great, right? There are literally two dates on my personal calendar that I cannot do anything else except focus on my family commitments. Our daughter is getting married this June. That is one date, including the days on either side. My wife has been reveling in the shower she is throwing for her as well. She has poured her heart and soul into it. The venue….the decor…favors…her dress, etc… Yep, you guessed it! The film shoot is squarely on THAT day. Dead in the water on that one and there was nothing to think about except passing on the opportunity. Sometimes life is just cruel….

March 27, 2024, a very full day. The evening prior I got together with high school and lifelong friends. That always leave me happy, but also always gives me those WTF am I doing moments, why am I this way? Why do I have to do this? Please, no one tell me not to be hard on myself, just to accept this. We ALL have these moments, all of us. If you do not, you certainly did. Also, if you live your life in both genders and you say you do not have these moments, you are lying or you would not live your life in two genders. Quite the juxtaposition between the prior day and this one.

The outfit was supposed to be a bit different, but since I am pudgy (an understatement), the red Express skirt, a 2, which used to fit comfortably, was now unzippable. Maybe my doctor is right and I shouldn’t drink as much. I moved to this little number.

Started my day at the office, working with Sherri on a prospect list and a few odds and ends. I simply fit right into that place pretty seamlessly.

Then I had a doctor’s appointment. I won’t breach any HIPPA laws (I know, I can say whatever I want about myself, but I don’t want to say). I then worked my way across town to grab a bite and then hit a library to check emails, etc…

The day concluded at the Spring Mixer for The Greater Cleveland Film Commission. I was there networking for my event job and trying to find acting work. The itch never leaves. If I could pay my bills and dedicate myself to the acting craft, that would be great. But we have bills to pay! The place was packed and I got to see many friends. I also made what I hope to be some valuable connections. It was a very worthwhile event!

There is always at least one story. Now remember, I am at a film commission event. A couple, who own and run the business you see here at left, were there. The wife, I just then came to find out, worked for HBO for years and is still involved in the industry. The husband and I have a great relationship when we see each other. I literally joke with him as if we knew each other for years. We did this photoshoot some time back and it appeared in a local bridal magazine. Apparently, they are listed on two different wedding web sites and they feature that photo on their vendor profile page! At least I have that going for me….


11 Responses

  1. Kandi,
    I feel it’s a cherished moment when a wife or partner is comfortable enough to share clothes with you , over the years my wife did give me a few hand-me-downs but didn’t wish to see me wearing them .

    Why should we feel guilty if we don’t fill our time 100% , I love my garden but here in the UK we have experienced the wettest February anad March for so many years , when I try and mow my lawn it creates more of a shower

    Of course we live life in two genders that even applies to those on hormones and even surgery , there will always remain a male core , sometimes I hate to be reminded and other times it’s a saviour . My mother is well at present but at 95 thoughts about her departure and funeral arrangements are going to create problems . I’ve already been told if I attend as Teresa my ex wife and some other members of the family will stay away , it’s a very difficult dilemma , my paramount thought is total respect for my mother , it’s her day not mine .

    I also couldn’t live with the odd glass of wine , my weight does fluctuate a little and certain items don’t zip up anymore . As I live alone I don’t make many puddings or eat sweet desserts , I can’t hit 147lbs now but if I don’t too far over 150 I’m happy .

  2. Kandi,

    I love the honesty of your WTF moment. We are not human if we don’t have those moments. I awoke from a dream yesterday in which the best man in my wedding was visiting and I had to run around hiding all my female clothes. I had that WTF thought. It was, however, immediately followed by the thought that it was simply my transphobia rearing its ugly head.

    And Teresa’s comment struck home too, because yesterday I was me all day: swimming, then doing some remote work, then shopping at a thrift store and TJ Maxx (and having a nice interaction about the slacks I chose with the woman in charge of the changing room), and buying some plants for my garden and planting them. But then my wife came home from work and I had to change into a suit for a slightly formal dinner with my wife and some old friends who had flown into town. My wife had a fun time deciding what dress to wear—me, no such fun. I sat during dinner asking myself why I couldn’t just be me. The answer came swiftly on the drive home when my wife told me how much she enjoyed the evening…also, I think it is Ok for me to say on behalf of many of us, that we hate you, Teresa…147 lbs? I will have to go back to sleep so I can dream that I am that weight!


  3. Once again so many great looks on you my friend
    Yes the WTF moment is something I’ve experienced and lately very much so
    I’m now in a relationship with a lady and yes she knows about me. No she hasn’t seen me except a picture I shared
    But as we have grown closer I do think what am I doing being the lady I am and I’m not sure how our relationship will go if she decides she can’t deal with it
    I’ve told her I get it this isn’t easy and she’s so far been quite understanding and I told her I will always be honest with her.
    You and your wife seem to have a great balance I hope that is how mine will be as well

  4. There are many parts that I can relate too.
    First 147 lbs is meanless with out a height. I know at that weight you can put your hands under my ribs. At 5’9″ my goal is 163 lb,
    I’m currently ~170. Fitting in smaller sizes is a goal of mine. I currently size 10 but I now have a few size 8. ANd I can finally fit into that VS dress pants I got many years ago and zip up some skirts.
    Congraduation Rachael on finding a woman that might want to be with you. I hope this works out. As a single senior person, I know how hard it is to find a person that will accept this side of us. I’m still looking. This activity is full of WTF times.
    The act of exchanging clothes with a woman is intriguing and fun. I’ve done it several times with a friend. It feels good that your style is desirable.
    Kandi that’s just life when everything happens on the same day. Hopefully there will be a ‘next time’.

    1. Thanks Cali! I always want the new girl, who is reading, wondering, exploring, to know that this life is one big roller coaster. Highs like I have never experienced outside of immediate family and lows where I just hate myself (most of those are pre-Kandi, circa 2014) and everything in between. The days where it is absolutely right and the days when you look in the mirror and ask “What is wrong with you?”. I guess this is what we all now know as life. Damn, this feels like an essay coming on……

    2. Cali,
      I mentioned I can’t hit 147lbs (10st 7lbs In the Uk ) but if I can stay about 154 lbs ( 11st ) I’m happy . Yes you are right in saying weight and height are important , my height is 5′ 7″ and my bust measurement is the same as my hips at 37″ , nowdays my dress size is a UK 14 and my shoe size is a UK 8 . I do consider myself one of the lucky ones as my body size and shape doesn’t let me down , I know I can take most items off the sales rack and it will fit .

      I wish you all the best with your new lady friend , I hope you can work it out and not sacrifice Rachel again , I know your story from old . I’m more or less settled on having good friends and not worry too much about a close relationship , at 73 it makes more sense after the battles to become Teresa .

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