By Sabrina Starlight
Hi everyone! It’s Sabrina. I am still in total shock over the last six months of my life. Kandi and our friend Sherry have helped me not only conquer my fears, but also set me on the right path.
But hold up a minute, I am skipping to the end. What about the beginning? I remember wanting to dress and wear makeup way before puberty. In my teens this feeling was still with me, but I couldn’t make sense of it. After all, it was the ’80s, where if you wanted to dress up, it meant you were gay (or a heavy metal band leader). I wasn’t attracted to men then, and I still am not to this day. I am flat out attracted to women and femininity.
I was able to dress up at a Halloween party in my late teens with my girlfriend, a trend that continued in college. I am a little unique in that I never started a collection of garments, so I never did the buy/purge thing as crossdressers often do.
After college the opportunity kind of passed. I met my wonderful wife during this time. I had some opportunities to dress over the years in shows or murder mysteries, but it still remained a secret. Now fast forward to 2019, this is where things really picked up.
In February 2019 I took advantage of a trip where there was a service and had my first head-to-toe makeover. It was an amazing and exhilarating experience. This is when Sabrina was born. Shortly after I told my first person, a friend who is trans (FtM) that totally understood me and helped me.
In December 2021, a voice in the back of my head told me I needed to start telling people. So I started with a few of my girl friends, all of whom are massively supportive. In February 2022 I reached on to Kandi on Flickr after seeing she was from the Northeast Ohio area. She has been instrumental in bringing me to today.
Today a lot of supportive friends know, and I finally told my wife. I already knew how lucky I was to have her as my wife, and her support has been just overwhelming. After getting a new wig, I quickly got dolled up and we went for a drive. We were talking about things and one thing she said to me was if this makes you happy, than I am happy. I am so lucky!
On April 30, I had another makeover done by the amazing Alexa at Alexa Art OP Studios. She specializes in the “bombshell” look and I tell you, does she deliver! I don’t think I have every felt as sexy and sultry as I did in her photos. To top the day off, I reached out to Kandi and Sherry and asked if they had wanted to finally meet Sabrina. They had met my male side, but I figured I was already made up so why waste it. Kandi and I first met at the Oak Barrel in Independence. Parking and seeing all of the people was admittedly terrifying. At Kandi’s encouragement, I took a deep breath and walked in with my head held high. I got one “look” coming in, but I went to the hostess and asked for the bar, where I then met Kandi. It took a few moments to relax but once I did I was starting to feel comfortable in my new skin as it were. Sherry eventually met us so we stayed out late and made a couple of stops before calling it a night. The entire day was a blur, but I will remember that first feeling of being out as Sabrina. It was the best day ever……at least for now.
‘If this makes you happy, than I am happy’ should be the motto of every marriage but, sadly, is all too often lacking in our community.
This was a wonderful account of emergence and once again shows that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
Thanks so much Amanda. When she said that it made me tear up a bit. It really makes me regret not telling her sooner.
Congratulations on your launch. You look amazing! Also congratulations on your having a wonderful wife, she’s a keeper for sure. You are lucky on many levels, having understanding friends, a more accepting world along with a accepting wife. Over the years most of the CD’s that contact my website who told the wife after marriage were not as lucky as you.
Buy her flowers. OFTEN! It works.
Thanks Micki! Hopefully I am without a doubt very luck to have her. We have always been allies, and one of our children is non-binary. But I never knew how she would react with her husband wanting to dress up. That added to the anxiety and depression I had felt for so long, because the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her.
Telling her has had the opposite effect, we opened up about SO much and it probably saved our marriage! How’s that for a twist? It’s like we are newlyweds again. She is not much of a flowers person, but I know there are plenty of things I can do to make her happy!
Thanks so much!