If you want to go out, just put some thought into it. Listen, we live in a world of mass shootings, so danger doesn’t necessarily lurk just because you are trans or a CD. I have used this analogy frequently, you may well think you will be more comfortable at a gay or LGBT bar. You may think going out under the cover of darkness will make you more comfortable. I am not here to preach, but I will point out, that if I want to harm trans people, I will go to a gay or LGBT bar. Me, I am sitting at the Olive Garden at noon, having a glass of wine. My odds of having an issue are miniscule.
Two concepts are at work here. One, hiding in plain sight is real. Two, sunlight is your best defense!
If you would be uncomfortable doing something as a male, why in the hell would you do that dressed as a woman? Do things women do. They park under a streetlight. They walk to their cars together. Put on that skirt, take the precautions any woman would. I cringe when I read about someone who went out dressed for the first time, did so in the wee hours of the morning, just to walk about. That is lunacy! No woman would do that, would they?
I understand you have this hyper-feminine fantasy of yourself. You want those giant stilettos, that skin-tight dress, you get the point. All good. However, if you desire to be a woman in the real world. you need to consider appropriateness.
One, dress appropriately for your age. Does this mean you cannot wear something short, or revealing, or low cut? No, it does not. You see me doing that here all the time. Many of our dear Contributors do so as well. But the more you do not dress for your age, the more likely will will be “read”. Being “read” is not a bad thing (it’s almost inevitable), but it can be if you stand out in a negative way.
Dress for your body type. Be honest with yourself. If you have a belly, factor that into your outfit selection. There are tall woman, there are big woman, there is every single body type out there. But they are genetic woman, that gives them the benefit of the doubt. If you want to blend in, go with the flow.
I initially feared sleeveless tops or dresses. Now, do it all the time! But I do so smartly, appropriately. You see Sun-Dee all the time, doing things wisely.
Finally, dress for where you are. I have worn lovely gowns, just not to the grocery store. It’s the old, don’t wear a ballgown to the bowling alley. You can wear a dress to the grocery store, but do so knowing you will stand out. I have done this and have stood out positively because I may have looked like a working woman on her way home, picking up a few things for dinner.
Of course, confidence bodes well in anything in life. But it is crucial if you want to go out and be you. If you see anyone looking nervous out in public, I am guessing you may be uncomfortable around that person. They may simply make you uneasy or they may be contemplating something horrendous. Be confident in your presentation, it’s your right to be you.
When you smile, people that encounter you drop preconceived notions. They relax. They smile back. Happiness breeds happiness. Confidence breeds comfort. Take a big deep breathe, walk out that door, own it, smile, take it all in. Be that fabulous you that you are!
Nothing changes if we are not out and about. I can tell you from significant personal experience, being seen, having conversations, representing my sisters well, has broken down stereotypes one mind at a time. Change is glacial. Racism still exists for example. Is it better than say, in 1960? Absolutely. Is it perfect? Is it gone? Of course not. Human beings are drawn to other human beings like themselves. “Like” could be anything: race, community, where they live, who the root for, the school their children attend, etc…
Being out normalizes who we are. Make every encounter count, I know I do.
Now, it’s time to be brutally honest. I cannot be clear enough about this: WE NEVER PASS! Never. Yes, some biological males can go out not being detected as male. But they are what we call unicorns, few and very far between.
Most of us have numerous tells. The absolute most obvious, we ALL have man hands. Hormones, plastic surgery, whatever, cannot change the size of your mitts. Go to Keystone or any gathering and look at the hands. That, in and of itself, will ground you in reality.
Adam’s apples, our voices, shoulders, male facial features, hair, beard shadow, poor makeup skills, on and on and on….
Comport yourself as a woman would. Cross your legs as a woman would. Keep yourself small. Women want a smaller silhouette. Men spread out. I have been at group gatherings, just shaking my head as a sister is walking around like a linebacker seeking to make a tackle.
If you accept reality, then you can go about being the woman you wish to bee (pardon the pun).
Ladies, I do not wish to pee in your Cheerios, I wish to paint a realistic picture of what reality is out there. I fool exactly no one. Not one human being. But I have been out over a thousand times, in tens of thousands of places and situations, in front of hundreds of thousand of people, in very public situations and not one single time did I have an uncomfortable moment. So far, never, ever. Beecause I am smart about what I do and where I go; I dress appropriately for my age, body type and the situation; my smile clears the way for me as my confidence is on overload; and I am out all the time, visible, seen by the general public in very public situations.
Now take this information and get out there! Bee you!
Regarding yesterday’s post, I went with the dress on the right, the white polka dot dress. The waist on the blue dress was impossibly small and the red dress was not very easy to get on and off. The white one zipped up the back easily!