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Interview With a Difference Maker Version 2.2

Part two of our conversation with Stana!

Stana and I continue our “conversation” (I wish we could actually sit down and talk….).

Let’s talk some shop first.

I believe you have been blogging on Femulate for the past 14 years (feel free to correct me on that). It’s been a while, so these questions will relate specifically to things you have seen through the blog.

You are correct, Kandi, it was 14 years as of February 5 (as of 2021).

What is the biggest change you have seen, through the eyes of the blog, as it relates to women like us?

The biggest change I have seen is how many women like us are now out and about… not so much when I started the blog. (I’d like to believe that my blog has something to do with it.) As an avid reader, I can assure you it has!

Setting aside the occasional crude people that hide behind the anonymity of the internet, what was the most surprising or shocking thing you have seen through Femulate? Maybe a story or comment by someone.

The most surprising thing I discovered through Femulate are the number of ladies like us who live full-time as women. By “ladies like us,” I mean femulators who have not had surgery or hormone replacement therapy. Yet, that does not stop them from living as women.

I thought such individuals were a rarity and I was shocked to learn that it is more common than I thought. And I am so jealous! LOL

We are all dealt a set of circumstances and we all make decisions and commitments in our lives. While I personally have made mistakes (big ones!), I regret nothing and am therefore contented with the lifestyle I personally live, me mostly, Kandi a few times a week. But the thought of being Kandi full time is appealing to me.

Conversely, what was the most heartwarming or uplifting things you have seen?

From Day One, the goal of my blog was to encourage ladies like us to escape from the closet and experience the world as women. So it is heartwarming when I receive acknowledgment from a reader thanking me for getting them out and about among the civilian population. Over the years, I probably average such acknowledgments twice a month, usually by email, but also in person at various LBGT get-togethers.

While this place certainly doesn’t have the reach as yours does, I also get the same types of e-mails and they always make me step back a bit and realize what we do is very important.

What overall trends have you seen, acknowledging the general evolution of the internet and social media over this time period, in how our community has changed?

The pundits say that blogging is dying and perhaps it is dead in some segments of the cyber world, but I believe it is alive and well in the trans community. If you go by page view statistics, my blog has been growing continuously since I started it 14 years ago. And I have never seen a drop-off in the number of page views, contrary to what should have occurred if blogging was actually dying.

I believe blogging is alive and well in our community because a lot of the community is still closeted to some degree. Reading and writing blogs about crossdressing shines a light in our communities many closets.

I would agree and add that for me to become Kandi takes a few hours of work and on-going maintenance. But I can go online and “be” Kandi at a moments notice, which helps me as well. Because I am quite fearless about going out, I have a tendency to forget about those that cannot for whatever reason.

Knowing how much work this is, how long do you expect to keep shining that light that you do?

Being retired, I have a lot of free time on my hands and blogging is one way to fill the time writing about something that interests me. And as a retired professional writer, blogging helps me maintain my writing skills. So I do not foresee giving up blogging anytime soon.

I am blessed, I get to “scratch the itch” basically whenever I want, understanding my roles in my life. Without the ability to get out as often as I believe you would like (like every day, in a perfect circumstance), how do you deal with our ever-present need to be feminine on a daily basis?

Blogging allows me to crossdress vicariously through my writings. Also I have a couple of daily routines to maintain my feminine side: I shave my body daily, I exercise to maintain my figure and I use moisturizers and skin creams to maintain my feminine visage. I also sit to pee.

I am guessing I know the answer to this question, but given the ability to be completely selfish, would you transition?

I would live full-time as a woman. And I might seek out hormone replacement therapy, but I would not get surgery. Surgery of any kind is something I avoid if at all possible, so elective surgery is out of the question.

We are very much aligned on this.

My approach to going out (knowing that a primary goal of every time I do so it to get in front of as many people as possible) has evolved and changed as a result of the pandemic. How has the pandemic changed your approach to life?

Not much except to make me more anxious to go out en femme. I am retired and my spouse cannot get around much because of her health, so our lives during the pandemic were very similar to our lives before the pandemic.

Well, I think that’s enough for now. I absolutely thank you for doing this. I believe it is important to highlight those ladies that make it a little easier for all of us and you certainly are one of those.


13 Responses

  1. I think as was said it seems easier to get out enfem.
    You just have to do it, be practical don’t over dress and just enjoy being a women even if just for an hour or two

  2. It is because of women like you that I have the courage to experience the world as a my true self.

  3. Stana,

    Count me in as one of those (many) who you helped get out the door.

    From blogs (yours and Hannah’s were probably my biggest influences), and posts on the forum I belong to, I decided if you could do it, I could too.

    I went from being afraid to going out (under five years ago), to not only going out, but posting pictures and writing about my experiences. Thanks for helping me overcome my fear of going out.

    I still read your blog daily. I was honored when you posted my picture.

    Life is easier now for those on the trans spectrum because you made it easier for those who follow in your footsteps.

    Thanks for leading the trail.

  4. As a latecomer to your blog, and a silent reader/lurker for much of my time online on Stana’s, it blows my mind that you have helped so many people! I mean, it shouldn’t, I count myself among them; but that the commuity is so large and that the mutual support is so strong.

    I, too, distrust the concept of surgery for myself (I understand for others it is very much desireable and necessary) and I had not considered that there may be others who shared that – or, rather, of course there were but it had never occurred to me.

    I echo Dee in that you and Stana and so many others have laid a trail, literally trail-blazing, for others to follow and thus feel safer and guided.

    1. Joanna, thank you so much for commenting! This is what fuels me to do this.

      I had zero to do with blazing the path, I am simply doing my best to widen it.

  5. Thank you Kandi and Stana and Hannah and all the others who blog and keep us all posted on their life and the comings and goings of the TG world.
    I have been of course dressing for years and pretty much going out for that long too, I’m old. I have come to realize that if you don’t over do it dress to blend and smile (thats a big one) no one is going to notice or if they do they don’t care.
    While I don’t get out much I do enjoy it. I agree with you both hormones or surgery are not for me. Being a girl can be a mental thing but dressing sure is fun.
    Thanks for all you do.

  6. Kandi,
    Again I must thank you for these lovely conversations with Stana , personally I feel the important aspect is to ” normalise ” our needs and feelings . The taboos of stepping out the door have been well and truly put to rest with your blogs .

    I’m very much with agreement with Stana on being truthful with yourself over hormones and surgery . At one time many would have felt a fraud if we hadn’t taken those steps before going public , I certainly haven’t felt any restrctions with not doing so . I have the same routine as Stana , shave daily , moistureise , walk for an hour and I can’t remember the last time I stood to pee .

    I was surprised to see you use the word ” selfish ” in connection with transition , it suggests we should feel guilty in our actions . I finally put that thought to bed when I accepted that we shouldn’t feel guilty about something we can’t change , something that is part of us , it’s like asking a gay person if they feel guilty about their sexual preferences .

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