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Who I Am, What I Have Seen

I did all that? Still more to accomplish....

You all have read about my run in with the law. My experience with my friends at the BOP (Bureau of Prisons) and the DOJ (Department of Justice). Be thankful I have to tell you what those acronyms mean!

I have had direct government interaction; lived with my fellow felons; am transgendered; have known some of the most amazing “sisters” (Army Generals, Navy Seals, firefighters, policemen, fighter pilots and I could go on and on); met and worked with rock and roll royalty; set a goal of running and then did run (very poorly) the premier marathon on the planet when only a few years prior I could barely run a mile; I have walked a few runways, including New York; I am a working bridal model; I have had photoshoots published; I have appeared in movies, some local indie stuff and an upcoming major movie release; I am an integral part of one of the finest art museums on the planet; I have been pretty damn effective legal counsel for myself; I started a blog with almost zero knowledge of what happens “under the hood” as it were; we have worldwide readership, from the UK to Austria to Australia to New Zealand to who knows where else (as many in our community chose silence); I have been featured in a national photo essay “This is Trans”; I do have a worthless MBA; the angel known as my wife and I have raised two amazing children who are both independent and highly productive members of society; I look pretty good in an evening gown; my wife zips me up! I can literally play to my truck driving brethren as well as to those in the LGBT community; I am accepted as a man; I am accepted as a woman; I enjoy “Vodka in July” and “White Noise”; I am happy; I have been on a Times Square billboard and Miss December in a calendar; I am frustrated; I have spoken directly to Sir Paul McCartney and Tom Hanks; I am a self-employed business person, having done so now for almost 20 years; I am remarkably creative and I am humbled by my associations with you all. I am rambling.

Buy me a beer and I can tell story after story that will make you laugh, make you cry, make you think. I am a grinder. I am a survivor. I am both completely accepting and terribly critical. I am flawed, human. I drink too much. I don’t push myself enough in athletic endeavors as I have become lazy. I play pickleball okay and can still beat my elderly co-runners in a race. I am a member of a wonderful congregation, beloved for who and what I am, which is not always one in the same. My mind spins 24/7. Prison left me often craving silence. It taught me patience and how to count backward from 775 (days down). I have become literally colorless and genderless, having amazing friends of both genders and many racial backgrounds, often accepted as one of them, relating to them as a man or woman. I don’t really see color or see sexual preference or gender identity (I hate buzz words), but I acknowledge the differences these all create. I despise the term “diversity and inclusion”. I believe in the concept and I am not naïve to think this could happen, but we all have one thing in common, each and every one of us. We are ALL human beings, all of us. Therefore I believe in the advancement of human beings, silly me…… My pronouns are whatever makes you comfortable, because I am all pronouns.

I believe in a higher power, absolutely. But we cannot even report one single news story without tremendous bias, how could the Word of God been passed down for centuries without changing? Play a game of “Telephone” and see how quickly the message changes. That gets back to the being human thing, if we simply love one another (yes, again I know not possible universally), all the problems go away.

This is by no means meant to brag, since I have nothing to brag about. The race is still being run, the finish line some undetermined way off and my ultimate judgement left to be determined. No one really knows everything and anyone, sometimes even that person doesn’t really know themselves. I often have to stop at remind myself, Who am I again? Peace out, peeps!


12 Responses

  1. That’s a great message, Kandi. Life is very easy to moan about but it’s far more rewarding if we focus on our achievements.

    I continue to be in awe of you!

  2. What a life Kandi. You have done so much, accomplished so much, suffered so much, inspired many, loved and are loved.

    Your legacy to the world is wonderful.

    Peace be with you, sister Kandi.


    1. I am sure if we all did the same exercise I did, we could all come up with a similar list (except the meeting Paul McCartney thing). Thanks my dear!!

  3. Kandi,
    If only more people in the World were ” flawed people ” it would be so much more interesting , we should be proud to be “flawed ” and it also means we don’t have to make excuses for our behaviour .

    Swapping drinks with your would be a wonderful experience , the hangover would be more than worth it !!!

  4. You have lived an amazing life and are such an example as you have risen above much to build a wonderful life. We are all lucky to have your story to motivate and inspire us! Lauren

  5. Kandi, thanks for that note. You are a human with many sides, like most of us but you have accepted all of them. We should all be so lucky. Thank you for being you and being out and about and letting others see you and our cross dressing, transgendered community. Sallee

  6. Sallee,
    I started to use the term ” community ” some years ago as I felt it included the majority of us . To me I feel it’s a the right word to use in support of each other , I know it doesn’t please everyone but that’s life ! The one point we must take care with is we could become an introverted community , I found it gave me strength and confidence to spread my wings and become part of a greater community .

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