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Out, about, all me, my view of the world as I see it.

On September 1, 2022, we had our organizational meeting for stage and house managers who will be working Cleveland Public Theater’s Pandemonium! Click the link to read all about it!

Since I knew my audience, I felt comfortable in taking a bit of a risk and going out without a wig. I have done this a handful of times, but usually after visiting the salon, so an expert had done my hair. This was all me on this day! Yes, I know, distance always remains my friend…

I got done what needed done in my life that morning and took to getting ready to fill whatever time available to me before the meeting.

I continue tweaking and experimenting with my makeup. The tweaks are subtle. I struggle with my nose and chin, battered and worn down by years of being male in appearance and in how I maintained my body and particularly my skin, in general. I can assure you, now with a female mindset (except for my ongoing romance with alcohol), I take much better care of my body and particularly the skin that covers it. Now if I could just tackle my drinking.

I didn’t intend for this post to be a look inside my soul, but that is how I write: stream of consciousness. While I have accepted who I am and what I am, there remains and probably will always remain a small component that still thinks something is wrong with me. It is a very small component of me, but it remains and that is where the alcohol comes into play, it smooths over all the rough edges. I would not consider myself an alcoholic, but I would consider myself pre-alcoholic. This is obviously filling a hole somewhere and I am sure that hole was created largely by the many mistakes I have made in my life.

We return to our regularly scheduled programming! First stop was the bank. I then spent a great deal of time shopping at Walmart for a few household items and things I needed for my new endeavor. I thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of just “being”, wearing an uber-comfortable romper, not having a wig on my head, never really thinking about the reality of who I am and what I was doing in such a public space. I just was me.

Then I went to a cool little area in the Cuyahoga Valley National Park. This is a replica old tyme gas station. I took photos all over the place. A couple of ladies walking by pushing a stroller complimented me on my outfit. I got a few of those throughout the day.

I had a few hours left and a cross-town commute, so I headed to a spot near CPT and did some computer stuff and had my dinner. Again, just me time.

Then I got to the theater for the meeting. I do not wish to be political at all here, I am simply making an observation from personal direct experience. I do quite a bit of volunteer work, which you have seen here, for what would be considered liberal organizations. Happy to do so and I believe in the causes. I go about my life without ever thinking about wearing a mask. That’s me, that’s my choice. I always comply when required to do so, without complaint but it’s never top of mind, never frankly on my mind.

I have noticed when I am around these organizations masks are everywhere and they seem to bother no one. Young folks all sitting there masked up, without being asked or required to do so. In socially distanced situations and often outdoors. Just an observation. One has to do what makes them comfortable.

Also in every one of these organizations, introductions include personal pronouns. Always. Now remember, these are just my feelings, I never include my pronouns. I believe it should be rather obvious from my presentation. Frankly, I could careless what you call me as long as you treat me with respect. I always get respect, so I have nothing to complain about.

The masks and the pronouns are new to me in the context of the length of my life so far. Here is an analogy. The car I recently inherited from my Dad has a push button start. All of my life and including now with my truck, turning off the vehicle required turning and removing a key. This has become as automatic to me as breathing. So now, still after being in the car for over a year, I have occasionally gotten out of the car and left it running, thinking I had turned it off with a sufficient tap of the button. Same with masks and pronouns, never something I had to automatically consider, so I have trouble remembering them.

The meeting was fun, I will be house manager for a church on the theater’s campus, where there will be short dance performances. I am clearly, clearly the elder statesperson working as what is considered part of the “cast”. Older by a mile! I know some of my age group peers will be working as volunteers at the event. I told the woman running the flow for the show (I have shoes older than her) not to worry about me, I can pretty much handle anything that could happen.

To summarize, this old lady went out with her old fashioned look at the world, instilled from 61 years roaming the planet, looking every bit her age and was able to integrate and work as a team with people who see the world a little differently than she does. Now if we could just apply this to all humanity, the world would be a much better place.

I can dream, can’t I?


6 Responses

  1. Kandi,
    What a fabulous look, for a fabulous lady, on a hot day I assume. And the no wig look works well.

    I went out once without my wig. It was 9 months into the pandemic and the hair salons were still closed. My gray hair was longish so I thought why not self style and go for a walk in the park. Everything was fine and everyone I met seemed quite accepting. BUT, I just didn’t feel myself. I was a little uncomfortable with my appearance. I vowed not to go without my wig ever again. Of course being a brunette takes years off my look.

    Anyway, you look great Kandi.


  2. I like this post. Part travelogue, part newsy blog, part self-improvement.
    You look good in your wigs but even your most natural looking wig doesn’t look as natural as your own hair. In this day and age a woman with long hair is an outlier. Why ? Same with dresses, make-up, heels, purses etc. Women have passed on the accoutrements of femininity while cross-dressers have gladly picked it up and ran with it.

    Angel Amore

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