By Trish White
I was asked this question some time ago. I had never really thought about it, so it made me really think about my feelings, my actions….everything. In this journey of mine. A lot of things came to mind that as a guy you would never really think about. I looked at how Trish interacted with her wife and I found that I have never asked her “what’s taking you so long to get ready”? Why, because I know, as Trish, that when I go out I want to look my best in the outfit I’m wearing. so once the outfit is chosen I want to make sure the shoes I’m wearing compliment my outfit and the purse I’m taking matches, as well as making sure my make up is just right and my accessories go with my outfit. Which is exactly what Cis girls do. I know now why women need the number of pairs of shoes they buy and why a woman’s wardrobe takes up as much room as it does. Trish knows why females love looking attractive and presenting their feminine qualities as best they can. When I’m out as Trish and I receive compliments on my outfit or how pretty I look my femininity is confirmed and all the time taken to present herself as the woman she has become is appreciated and admired.
The one thing I discovered in my journey as Trish is that women really aren’t dressing to impress men. They are dressing for the girls’ approval, this is the approval she needs because only they know what it took to be the woman she is presenting as.
I have learned, in my time as Trish that there are no gender boundaries for her. She doesn’t mind taking care of the household, doing the laundry cleaning the silver, washing the dishes or vacuuming the house, the whole time feeling good about herself. I have also discovered the softer more feminine side of things, that it is ok to cry and I do. I cry at things that I never used to such as tender emotional parts of TV shows or movies or what I read in books. I also enjoy what I never used to and that is ‘chick flicks’ or at least some of them. My wife and I were watching one and she said to me “you’re enjoying this?” I said “yes, actually I am”. I am far more compassionate than I am as a guy. I don’t mind showing compassion or feeling another’s pain and helping them deal with it, or consoling someone who’s in pain and letting them know I’m there for them if they need me. I found that as a driver Trish is far more less likely to speed and far more courteous than her male counter part and far less aggressive. Because of Trish’s inner self she is really and truly the whole package through her experiences as both genders. She wouldn’t trade this for the world. She’s received a gift that only a select few are fortunate enough to receive.
Oh, and towards the end of this I was crying. Hope you enjoyed it and gave all of you something to think about.
Love,
Trish
16 Responses
Trish, definitely something to think about and I have to say that what you listed in the paragraph that starts ‘I have learned…’ really resonated with me. It’s interesting to turn all of the things you listed round and realise how much we often have to suppress in our male lives – in my case, feigning a little boredom when my wife talks about clothes, handbags & makeup when, in reality, I’d love to do a ‘deep dive’ on the subject with her.
And thanks to the seismic changes that have happened in my life over the past month, I can finally agree with your assertion that we have received a gift. This trans thingy can be a monumental pain in the backside at times but how many people truly get to know themselves in their lifetime? Perhaps most don’t need to – they just see themselves as ‘good enough’ and move onto other considerations. But seeing, and growing to love, this side of me which is hidden to the rest of the world is just the gift that keeps on giving and, I would suggest, our reward for enduring all of the challenges that life places on us.
Amanda,
So much “feigning boredom”! I became very good at that particular skill. It was my personal pastime until my wife finally understood what being CD/TG means. Now, she readily asks for my advice, which is one of several female bonds which don’t threaten her (and for which I am thankful).
Lisa
Hi Amanda,
It’s so nice hearing from you so soon. I totally relate to the “feigning a little boredom”. Like you, I have had those same seismic changes in 2022 which totally changed my life and affirmed to me that what we were given was indeed a gift. I knew it was from the time I realized I was different but the gift has never been affirmed to me the way it has in the past two years. Just to be able to enjoy being both genders openly and feeling how each gender affects us is indeed amazing. Thanks for your reply girl friend.
Love,
Trish
Trish,
I would say that I identify with all of those things. None of them demand a female physique, which is to say men could do all of them. It just shows how much gender is a social construct. Yet, as a transgender woman I still wonder how much of that social construct, both for others and for us, is driven by something in our DNA or (to put it another way) most likely our brain which typically though not always divides itself into feminine or masculine in things such as smells, sights, sounds and touch.
Thank you your interesting post.
Lisa
Hi Lisa,
Thanks so much for your reply and comments. Personally I believe the gift we were given is an inherent part of our DNA or Genes. It’s only recently that my wife and I were able to talk constructively about my being a cross dresser and how Trish is a part of me. I had told her many times that there were two people in my body, the boy me and the girl me. But she’s only in the past year been able to understand this fact and I mean really understand. I think for the longest time she honestly couldn’t see what I was trying to explain. She is now accepting of Trish but not supportive but for her it was a huge step and one I’m very thankful for .
Cheers,
Trish
I’ve discovered over the years that when fully en fem yes I’m not quite the same as the full male me.
However being fluid I’m pretty much in the female mind set most of the time anyway and it doesn’t take me wearing a cute top or sundress to be such.
I’ve discovered it really was just a part of who I was anyway but never able to express it as a boy or as a man
Rachael is who I really am and I’m happy that way
Hi Rachael,
It is rather liberating when you find out that the feminine side of yourself has been there from the day you you were born, right? For me it took away all the guilt I had felt for a few years, kind of like a rebirth for me. Thanks so much for your reply.
Cheers,
Trish
Trish,
Sometimes I feel we enjoy a woman’s lifestyle more than women do which isn’t so surprising when many of us lived a live we never really enjoyed for so many years .
The boundaries are so different , they say it’s a man’s world but I feel so much freer living as Teresa , I can be so open with my emotions .
I recently asked myself after 5 years of being full time do I have any regrets , the obvious answer was NO but I admit that answer didn’t come overnight . It takes a while to build confidence , I had to stop making excuses for some jobs only possible in male mode . OK I admit I did get a double take from a dog walker when I went out to saw a large broken branch up with my chainsaw , my woodburner took priority over what he thought of a blond lady wielding a Husqvana .
Perhaps your title question doesn’t directly apply to me as I now consider wearing male clothes as crossdressing . The obvious answer is we all know crossdressing changes us , I consider myself one of the lucky ones that all the changes I’ve managed to make are now permanent .
Hi Teresa,
I have to admit that although I’ve been a crossdresser my entire life I’m still a relative newbie to a lot of what makes us who we are. I’m 72 but spent the majority of that time with out the internet. So I was a very lonely girl with no one to talk to. In just over the past year I found a site that was 100% for crossdressers. A platform for us to talk to like minded people and share our thoughts. It was the first time I heard your comment expressed that trans girls enjoy being women and all that entails more than the CIS girls. I also discovered that there are many degrees of being Trans.
I am a Trans girl who enjoys both sides of the gender spectrum. I enjoy doing boy things as well as my time spent doing girl things. I do lean more to the girl side than the boy side. It would appear that you are much further towards the female end than myself. But my title does apply to Trans girls regardless of where they are in the trans spectrum and I’m happy that you’ve found your place in the ever changing world of Trans girls. Thanks so much for your comments.
Cheers,
Trish
Trish,
I’m also 72 but don’t feel it . When I hear the comment from people who are asked to participate in an activity and they reply , ” I’m too old !” my reply is , ” It’s not what your’e too old for but more what you’re young enough for ! ” No I’m not a , ” pipe and slippers sort of gal !!” Life is for living , go and enjoy every moment .
It poses the question do I want to go into old age as a man or a woman , I admit my fear is I might not be able to sustain the effort required to be Teresa . So that poses the next question of the ability to live with a formal name change and my gender marker .
I’m pleased to see your comment about the question addressed to trans girls across the spectrum , to many that spectrum is something many will travel across , we need to share our experiences , we should never feel alone .
Trish,
Two things I have noticed since I began living as a woman:
1. I am much more tolerant of those who are different in some way.
2. I have become more likely to initiate conversations with people.
Also like you, I will never, ever get impatient with a woman again as she is getting ready now that I have insight into not only getting clothes ready but into the long, involved makeup process.
Fiona
Hi Fiona,
It’s so nice to hear from you again. You brought out two important ways that being trans has changed us. I do find myself being more tolerant of people who are different specifically because of who I am. I never thought about being more likely to initiate conversations but you’re right about that too. Thanks for your input Fiona.
Cheers,
Trish
Fiona,
Do you feel more tolerant because you are at peace with yourself as Fiona ? On the whole men are expected to be men , I now regard that lifestyle as a male straightjacket . That’s why I find it so hard to play that part which I have to do if I’m allowed to see my grandsons .
I’m sure you’ve realised I have so much to say when reading my replies , in person I know my voice isn’t perfect but I’m finding it’s not a problem face to face . I came to the conclusion that the first moments of meeting someone if they see enough gender markers they will make the decision “male or female ” , once they’ve decided the other telltales are often overridden . I made this point in light of your second comment about initiating a conversation because you appear not to be concerned about your voice characteristics . I have a problem with my throat so I can’t force anything , all I can do is soften it slightly and smile as much as possible .
Very thoughtful post, Trish.
In the next few weeks I intend to open up and celebrate my Crystal self with my wife of 50 years. Hope runs hight that she will embrace this, as I will share the joy vs. making a “confession”.
It was only in December, after 60 years of not understanding my true self that I did. She has noticed a difference, without knowing my true back story. I have lost 40 pounds and still losing.
From reading your post, I have realized that I feel more fulfilled, happier, more energized and loving. Beyond all of those wifely “duties” you list, my energy comes from the fact that my wife took the lead on raising our 3 children, was the neighborhood Mom, was a special education teacher, was (and is) active in our church, did volunteer work, drove the kids everywhere, and THEN did the household stuff: laundry, meals, bedding, cleaning, etc.
Dressing has changed me by bringing that energy to my life…OUR lives and it feels boundless.
❤🌷💋
Love,
Crystal
Hi Crystal,
Well that sounds rather exciting and nerve racking all at once. I wish you all the best in coming out to your wife and hope it
all goes well and congratulations to you both on your 50th anniversary. That’s big now-a-days. My wife and I will celebrate our
48th this October. Isn’t it amazing how we do change when we’re our female half. I don’t think my energy levels went up but
then I really never noticed, they may have. Lord knows at my age I’ll take all the energy I can get. Also congrats on loosing
40lbs +. Please let me know how everything went, I’d love to hear. Take care and good luck girl.
Trish 💖
Trisha I loved your article and also your pics. You look great. I am 74 and married 51 years. My wife wants nothing to with my femme side. I have been going out enfemme on and off over 40 years. If my family situation was different I would live enfemme, but I couldn’t do that to my wife. Balance is the keyword in my life.