Ambitions

Let's look back and see what I was able to accomplish.

In a past post, Linda asked me if I had any ambitions of things to do, places to go. It probably ran a year or so ago. Time has moved on and I believe my answers may be a bit different now.

Previously the answer was, of course! It still is, but those ambitions have evolved somewhat. The reality is, well, we’ll see. We all have limitations and restrictions on what we would actually do in that completely selfish world. I am restricted by resources, time, responsibilities, a desire to NEVER take my wife’s acceptance for granted by taking advantage of it and of course, my biggest restriction: me and my ability to (not) pass. But let’s set those all aside for the moment.

What things would I want to do? I have been lucky enough to do many of the things I wanted to do, makeovers, photo shoots, bridal fittings, big events. While I would rather not have, I’ve been to court dressed. Been to the beach, a country club, pride events, on and on.

I’d love to do a big photo shoot now that I know more about who I am and how I can do it better. I’d do anything to be a real bridesmaid in an actual wedding. I’d love to rid myself of all my facial and body hair. I would like a part time job as Kandi, which we’ll discuss further. But beyond that, I just want to continue having new and different experiences.

Where would I like to go? In the context of who I am, there is no real destination that I think about. Would I enjoy Vegas as Kandi? I would imagine so. Taking in a Broadway play? That would be fun. Walking the beach in a bikini, swimming up to the pool bar for a cocktail? Absolutely.

I attended Keystone last year, meeting many that I had only come to know through the internet. It was great fun but the most disappointing thing for me was that most of the new connections I made there (those that didn’t exist prior), have fizzled out as they almost always do for me. Not in a bad way, just they didn’t sustain themselves. With the time I spend on this blog, my own follow-up hasn’t been that great, but I guess it’s the nature of the beast.

In general however, I am very lucky to do what I have done and expect to continue to be able to do. Most of my personal ambitions lie outside of Kandi. I desperately want to qualify for the Boston Marathon. The runners’ Super Bowl. I’ve run over 130 races and have won exactly: 1! I mean, by the way, win the whole thing, not just my aged age group. Other ambitions are to retire before they lower me into the ground and giving my wife whatever she wants (she is not greedy, I just want her always comfortable).

My biggest Kandi ambition remains my quest for a job as Kandi. I am blessed with what I have now in terms of time and my job situation as it relates to the work schedule. But it is as always day-to-day, as I am a subcontractor, gone in a moments notice for any reason. That work schedule feeds my Kandi time and more importantly allows me to train as I want. Lose some of the time, the training still happens, but Kandi shrivels up and dies. I’m seeking the two birds, one stone scenario as well as that experience of being a woman in the work place. There are possibilities, leads, ideas I am following, but it runs deeper than you read here and my doing so is complicated for anyone (taking a job under a name that is not my legal name, for one thing). I am strongly pursuing a career as a Volunteer Coordinator, trying to build a resume and references that would make my being hired plausible.

Anyway, the evolution continues. If we don’t continue to grow, evolve, where does that put us?

More yammering from me…..I love the give and take, discussion and conversations that happen here, like yesterday. And I am sure it’s because yours truly steps out of the way and allows others to have the floor. Thanks all and thank you Fly Me, Mandy!

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7 Responses

  1. What a life Kandi, what a woman.

    You do more in a day than most of us do in a lifetime. I am continually amazed by you.

    And on top of all that you are a beautiful woman.

    I am so privileged to have spent time with you on a few occasions. Some of my lifetime highlights are when I was with you. Thank you.

    “Live long and prosper”.

    God loves you so much.

    Jocelyn

  2. Kandi, I’ll be thinking of you on Sunday as you run the marathon. Thoughts of your friend and your dad should carry you along the route, no matter how long it takes you.

    Laying out your goals and ambitions can be difficult, but it’s so satisfying to look back and see what you have accomplished! Take the wins, learn from the losses, and strive for the next level. Oh yes, I need to follow my own advice!

  3. Kandi,
    People like Jim should be an inspiration to all , if people like him can do it what excuse do the rest of us have ? if you have sponsors for the run then every mile has given something back , best of luck !!

    Over the years I’ve had fun at social meetings with my transgender friends but for many it’s an introverted lifestyle they can only be what they desire for a short time and then they have to revert to the expected male role . All they can be is transient friends , it’s a part of their lives they can share with so few , keeping contact is difficult and too risky . I often told them my door is open to them but very few have taken up the offer .

    Goals change as we travel down the road , before I went full time it appeared an impossible dream , to dress for a whole day was like being on cloud nine . Once I entered the comfort zone of achieving it , how could I expand on it , that is where a hobby becomes useful especially one where both genders can participate equally . The next push was taking a holiday with them , that worked out very well . So now consider a holiday or cruise which meant the final push of changing my name so I could travel as Teresa which is booked for September 2025 .

    What’s left , or is it time to sit back and say OK just enjoy what I have ? Well OK we can never have enough outfits !

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