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The Road to Nowhere…..

This is one of my best essays!

Well, we know where we’re goin’
But we don’t know where we’ve been
And we know what we’re knowin’
But we can’t say what we’ve seen

And we’re not little children
And we know what we want
And the future is certain
Give us time to work it out

We’re on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin’ that ride to nowhere
We’ll take that ride

I’m feelin’ okay this mornin’
And you know
We’re on a road to paradise
Here we go, here we go

We’re on a ride to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin’ that ride to nowhere
We’ll take that ride

Maybe you wonder where you are
I don’t care
Here is where time is on our side
Take you there, take you there

We’re on a road to nowhere
We’re on a road to nowhere
We’re on a road to nowhere

There’s a city in my mind
Come along and take that ride
And it’s all right, baby it’s all right

And it’s very far away
But it’s growing day by day
And it’s all right, baby it’s all right

Would you like to come along?
And you could help me sing this song
And it’s all right, baby it’s all right

They can tell you what to do
But they’ll make a fool of you
And it’s all right, baby it’s all right

There’s a city in my mind
Come along and take that ride
And it’s all right, baby it’s all right

And it’s very far away
But it’s growing day by day
And it’s all right, baby it’s all right

Would you like to come along?
You could help me sing this song
And it’s all right, baby it’s all right

They can tell you what to do
But they’ll make a fool of you
And it’s all right, baby it’s all right

We’re on a road to nowhere
We’re on a road to nowhere
We’re on a road to nowhere
We’re on a road to nowhere

Byrne,david / Frantz,christopher / Weymouth,martina / Harrison,jerry aka Talking Heads

I will always take the opportunity to include my musical loves, especially when they help make a point.

And the Talking Heads, Top 10 all-time artists in my opinion.

Here is my gift to you: watch this, American Utopia. Pure genius and I was able to see it live!

I often wonder, what is my endgame? Transition, not possible for many, many reasons.

Where does this all take me? How does it end?

I go to Erie, am around so many amazingly wonderful and giving human beings and I am humbled.

Months later I go to Keystone and I spend time with so many awesome human beings and more importantly, make amazing connections. There are so many there that I make an initial connection with. There are so many that I share a special connection with. There are readers of this here blog that value what we do (we, not me, I do not do this alone). I see my beloved sisters and we have conversations that I cannot have with lifelong friends, that I cannot even have with those closest to me, immediate family members or parents/siblings. Because in those conversations, we open our hearts, we are vulnerable, we share experiences and feelings that, in the context of the world population, not many people have. We certainly are not alone, but we are nowhere near the majority. Never will be.

We all know that we have been given an amazing gift. But that gift is not viewed as “normal”. Only we understand this. That gift has a way of making us fearful, making us uncertain. That gift allows us to understand all of humanity, as gender skews one’s view of the world.

So I often ask myself, where am I headed? I have done some quite amazing things, despite all of my handicaps. I am old. I am generally not that attractive, not hideous, but as a guy, let’s just say no one is chasing after me. I was fat, hairy, unhappy. Rarely smiling and never wishing to be photographed.

I became a serial volunteer. By doing so, I made quite a few friendships. Many have sustained, many have waned. I have personal issues (I revealed these on the old blog, hesitating on revisiting them here, we’ll see). I am incorporated and last year, generated revenue from six different sources. I am a cockroach, tough to kill. I am a survivor, thriving on a challenge. The pandemic remade me as a model (runway and photo), an actress. All of which could probably cover the cost of a Big Mac.

I did this, Kandi’s Land! While we remain unappreciated in the pantheon of gender-issue blogs (many are ranked ahead of us without ever posting anything), we do make a difference. As an aside, how can we not be in the Top 100? Really? What other blog takes you through going out ALL THE TIME in the real world? And you know, ALL THE TIME!

Where does this all leave me, where am I headed? Fucked if I know (the best word in the English language, it’s a noun, verb, adjective, whatever you want it to be). But I do know one thing. I love who I have become. I love who I associate with. I love you all. The endgame…….the road to nowhere.

And now ladies and gentlemen, Rock and Roll Hall of Famers, Talking Heads!

You are welcome!

I specifically posted this today, May 10. In 1986, I was literally given a gift from God, as He certainly had my back. Married the best human being walking the planet, someone I do not deserve. But someone who makes all of this possible, someone who has actually lived up to the vows we took. This despite me stressing those vows in fashions (I never cheated, but have fucked up and am, well, you know what I am) that the significant majority of wives would have easily ended their marriages.

Am I on the road to somewhere…..

Stay tuned to find out!

๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ

This is interesting……

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11 Responses

  1. Kandi,
    You are number one in my book.

    I love you. We all love you.

    Jocelyn
    (a very, very busy person these days)

  2. You know I think you have said before this that we live with is a gift
    Iโ€™m not sure Iโ€™ve ever fully considered that but I must say I love that thought
    In some tribal nations being a two spirt person is revered and many there consider it a gift from above
    So yes maybe indeed it is. I have a friend who is going through a lot right now dealing with their dysphoria and I may use that term If I get a chance to talk with them
    You a special person Kandi and yes a gift to us all who have followed you on this journey
    Love ya Rach

  3. Kandi, today I collected a few essentials, got in my car, drove to a small town a few miles away, walked down the high street, crossed the road, went into a supermarket for a quick look around before turning round, retracing my steps and driving home. Nothing particularly out of the ordinary with that other than what I was wearing which was, shall we say, a little unconventional for a guy, not that I particularly looked like a guy (well not from normal viewing distances anyway)! It, and other outings like it, will form the basis of a future post here so I don’t want to give too much away but let’s just say for now that it felt good. Really good!

    The reason I raise it now is because, without Kandi’s Land, it would probably never have happened. I don’t doubt that some look at my photo on the contributors’ page & read some of my posts and think ‘that Amanda’s really got her sh*t together’ but the reality is very different. I’m an expert at dreaming up reasons not to do things (some would call them excuses!) but since I’ve been a regular here, one by one the barriers have fallen by the wayside as I’ve seen others do what once seemed like an impossible dream for me. I can look at what you and the other contributors do in your feminine personas and think that I’ve still got a long way to go. But if I turn round and look back, I’m amazed at how far I’ve come thanks, in no small part to the inspiration I’ve drawn from the posts here.

    The absence of Kandi’s Land from a top one hundred will probably remain one of life’s mysteries but so what? What you’ve given me is worth far more than thousands of visits from people whose only interest is seeing digitally enhanced photos of guys dressed as women and I’m sure many other visitors here have their own personal stories to tell. And in the end, that’s really all that matters!

    1. Amanda would have to be my favorite contributor to KandiLand and I was so pleased to see her back.
      Pamela

      1. Pamela, thank you for saying so, that’s really nice of you and it makes it all worthwhile for me.

  4. Kandi,

    As you know, I also consider crossdressing a gift. Early on, I wondered about and was concerned with where it was all heading but I decided instead to just go along and enjoy the ride. Turned out to be good decision. Wherever I wind up, it will be somewhere I feel comfortable and will instinctively know is the right place. Maybe where I am right now is where I will wind up. If so, great, I’m gonna enjoy it to the max!

    Take care my friend,
    Fiona

    1. I tend to get more introspective here than I am otherwise because it forces me to think and well, it’s content!

      It’s friends like you, Fi, that prove that it is a gift.

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