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Nothing you would ever think meant anything, but two days I treasured.

I decided to take part of a day and just be. Be whatever form of woman I am, out in public. The night before was the Plexus Holiday party, so a lot of the heavy lifting with regard to body maintenance, etc. was done. So December 15, 2023, I got up, shaved, did my makeup, got dressed and headed out the door. Much like if this were my everyday life. As you will see, my hair, me. I have not had a haircut in probably eight months. I have never grown my hair long before and maybe I should not do so. But I am in the middle of an experiment. When our daughter gets married this coming June, I will have to make a long term decision on this experiment. I tried to go lighter in terms of makeup, again much like a woman would to simply run errands.

Stop 1, a thrift store (surprise there) I recently discovered that is associated with an adult home for special needs. I picked up a few sweaters there for a song. Would have gotten more, but they did not take credit cards and I rarely carry cash.

Stop 2, the clothing exchange I frequent to sell a few items and cash in some store credit. There I picked up another sweater, a top, skirt, nightie and a real daring summer dress. After this, I shot my photos for the day.

This is about as raw and honest, photo-wise, that I can get. Bright daylight shows all the flaws in my presentation, my hair still a work in progress, it’s grey, I am clearly not female. But none of that mattered throughout the course of the day. [FYI, as of the day before this post runs, that hair is ALL gone! I could not take the upkeep and the fact that it had a mind of its’ own. Plus it made me look older, now I just look old.]

The final stop was at an outlet store where I carefully shopped for bras. As I have discussed recently, the need for daily support is there now. Yes, I can and do go without a bra, but it can be uncomfortable depending on what I am doing. What I wanted were bras that I could wear in male mode without being detected. A bra that covers without any real lift. I, of course, prefer that lift when dressed. I tried on quite a few and found two that worked for my purposes. I interacted with the ladies working there, no issues. Treated with respect and kindness. I picked up some panties and headed home, feeling good about just…..being.

Two days later, December 17, 2023, was a cool rainy day. My wife had to work and a week lie ahead of me with plenty of time to get some work done. Given it is mid-December, there is little to nothing that can be done proactively to generate sales. It is a time for planning and creating the plan for January. I decided to do my single favorite thing as Kandi, attend Sunday services. The only reason I do not do it more often is the investment of time is significant compared to the amount of time spent there and Sundays often involve other non-Kandi activities.

But this day, I nailed the outfit!

I took my time getting ready. Then I shot the photos and headed out the door with about an hour to kill. I stopped at a diner and enjoyed my breakfast. As always and I never, ever take it for granted, I enjoyed just sitting there, no eyes on me, smiles from the waitress, just another customer there alone.

Then I went to church and first ran into the pastor’s wife, a friend (she is a competitive runner, which I used to be), so we have a special connection. She said she and her husband had been talking about me that week (I hadn’t been there in a few months). I also talked at length to a couple from our congregation. I then made my way into the church and saw the pastor. He also said they had been discussing me (at least they had their stories straight). I laughed and told him he always says that. If I were a betting woman, I would bet everything that any time I walk into that church, I will be noticed, people will go out of their way to greet me and I will be treated with kindness and receive compliments. I have never been there when John did not go out of his way to greet me. If you remember my “Wedding Bells” post, I was blessed to be able to attend the wedding this summer of their daughter.

Another thing that I notice, I always get there early, principally to collect my hellos and hugs. I sit generally in the same spot, by myself, on the aisle. And always, my row gets filled when there is plenty of room for others to sit elsewhere. The couple whom I chatted with when I walked in sat in my row as well as one of the parish elders. I am valued there, more than I could possible deserve.

The service was beautiful, basically a pre-Christmas service wrapped around Bible readings and beautiful musical performances. Just lovely! Afterward, as I was leaving, a young lady told me she envied me my skirt (it happens to be my wife’s). How kind!

I then came home, basically stayed in Kandi mode, put on my lettings and tank, all girl and did my weekly “full gym” workout. I put the Browns game on both TVs in our basement/my gym and did a good ninety minutes of stretching, band and ball work, light weight work, abs, rowing, spinning and elliptical work. I make sure I do this once a week, the real work necessary to stay healthy, relatively strong and to keep up the hopes I can maybe be that unicorn again.

Quite the few nondescript but nice days this weekend. Life gives and takes, it gave on these days.

December 19, 2023 I had another holiday party on the calendar. The day before and overnight we got blanketed with snow. Then I had a work Zoom “Town Hall” scheduled that would have cramped my prep time a bit and my wife was off that day. I really didn’t want make the drive and walk the slushy city streets required to get to the venue. While my wife could not have cared less if I went, all these things lead to my passing this one up for some rest at home. I’m getting old….


10 Responses

  1. Kandi,
    I love your Sunday outfit. You nailed it. Could you help me find a skirt like that?

    Merry Christmas dear friend.


  2. Kandi,

    Absolutely perfect outfit. I really do admire your style and class.

    Merry Christmas from a sister in the UK

    Faye x

  3. Your natural hair looks great. Treat yourself to a blowstyle one day. My hairdresser cuts my hair in a way that I can wear it in both genders.

    1. I treated myself to a buzzcut yesterday. You all are being very kind, the hair was a rat’s nest and only highlighted my senior status.

      Merry Christmas my dear!!

  4. I agree natural hair at this stage in life is a challenge for sure.
    I know I have no chance of passing with mine but even still I do go out on occasion in makeup a cute top or sweatshirt and just go
    But mostly I don the wig if I’m wanting to at least attempt to pass.
    The Sunday outfit is very cute indeed
    Your such a wonderful classy lady my friend

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