Kao Hayushi

By Alexandra

This was the first outfit I wore during Keystone. On that Thursday morning, I seemed to be all thumbs, with the first thing being false lashes giving me all manner of trouble. This is the first thing I do after getting my face shaved and moisturized. This is because a clean canvas seems to mitigate troubles associated with adhesives and I avoid messing up foundation while wrestling with eyeliner and so forth. Anyway, I finally got the damn things on and all went well until my lips – my lipliner pencils had their tips cleaved off and I couldn’t figure out how to extend more product easily. It turns out you need to shove a small stick into the hole at the end and use a fair amount of force to push product upwards. What a goofy design. After that, things went reasonably well until photography time. I couldn’t seem to get good photos because the room was so bloody dark (my limited knowledge of photography not helping matters). I thought all was lost and, in my frustration, I abandoned the effort and went to mingle with friends, which is really what this is all about anyway. Going through the mess of darkish photos later that night before bed, I found a few gems. One is this this portrait, which blew me away. Probably because of the way my eyes look.

Now, I’m almost 54 years old and with makeup and such I perhaps shave off a decade (we all do). I have wrinkles and emerging bags under my eyes, of course, but I don’t mind them at all – it shows I’ve been around awhile and I like that. I’m thin-ish, weighing in at about 170 pounds, and I mitigate undesirable bulges with a waist cincher. I add curves by wearing pads and forms under less-than-sexy undergarments. So, it’s all fake. Physical fake. I don’t use face apps or otherwise manipulate the structure or texture of my face and body. I want what I see in photos to be me; if they are ugly (and believe me, many are), I delete them. Still, the iPhone camera is forgiving in this case because it doesn’t always pick up pores and small wrinkles, and the lighting in this very spot appears to have been exactly right because I don’t see much in the way of wrinkles and unflattering shadows.

I can’t really see up close without my reading glasses, so I’m never sure if what I’m doing is working until after the fact. My poses are generally pretty good, if a little stiff sometimes, so I like to mess with my selfies by fooling about spontaneously to see what happens.

With all that preamble out of the way, imagine my pleasant surprise at seeing this photo. But it is a moment in time, with all elements exactly in place. Despite the capture of a fleeting moment in the right conditions, it’s a photo that makes me very happy.

A bit on the ensemble: I love ruffle dresses, especially with opaque tights. This one, purchased from Macy’s, is adorable and it’s fun to wear. Black cardigans strike me as a must-have staple in any woman’s closet and looks awesome with dresses like this (I also need to wear it because it helps hid my thuggish arms). The booties, by Charter Club and also purchased at Macy’s, are awesome in terms of look and fit. I highly recommend them. I loved the way my fingernails looked so that explains the staged placement of my hand. Most of the time, I get my nails from Static Nails online.

*Pro tip: The secret to mitigating man hands while pursuing eonist adventures? Coldness. I like to be in cool environments when en femme. The result constricts blood flow to extremities, making one’s hands looks smaller. It’s not always possible, to be sure.

• Dress: STATE
• Cardigan: Calvin Klein
• Boots: Charter Club
• Hosiery: Tiffany Quinn