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The Grind

Joys and blessings, frustrations and difficulties, poor decisions and hope, life.

I am by no means complaining, but working every day, often as Kandi, can be physically taxing. From dealing with an aging truck, increased costs with no real revenue relief from our customer (truck again) to my wonderful job with Toni (fashion show coordinator) to my fabulous job with Darlafoxx to my apparel lines and building that business, I soldier on.

Believe me, there is a means to an end. What the end is, I am not yet sure. What I WANT the end to be, I know deep in my soul, for my apparel business to pay the bills without anything else necessary. Those side jobs then become simply a joy and not me contributing to the pot. I particularly want to be big in wholesale women’s apparel. Recently, I made five sales calls in about 24 hours, a couple locally and three in Michigan and I could not have been happier, more engaged, felt more right (these were not Kandi calls, but she will be selling soon). I was born to do this, except about 40 years too late….

February 17, 2024 it snowed pretty good, so much so that I was going to turn around and go home. But I went far enough to be able to turn around when the clearing started. This day, I sat and worked on my computer (apparel), writing on the blog and answering the door at Darlafoxx. Not a bad way to go on this day.

February 18, 2024 I was scheduled to report to work at 11:00AM. My wife was also working that day. So not only is my truck on its last legs, we had some major repair work scheduled for the next day in our Family Room after having had a toilet leak repaired last year, requiring a portion of the wall and ceiling to be opened. My head is spinning with just the crap of life happening and the associated expenses.

So of course, life has to kick me you-know-where on top of all of this. The garage door spring snapped. Thankfully, I discovered it early in the morning, so we didn’t discover it as we both had to leave for work (and I would have been dressed on top of it, not allowing me to be seen directly outside the house). Now I had to stay home to deal with that. Ever lift a garage door without a spring? Not easy.

Well almost a thousand dollars later, the door works and I got to work, but Kandi was not a possibility on this day. I worked Darla’s door for about three hours and you know what? Kandi shone through anyway. I had quite a few wonderful conversations with Moms, cried at two prom dresses, shared a photo of my alter ego with one Mom and felt blessed to be.

February 21, 2024 was a planned Plexus networking event to be followed by a scheduled sales call. The call was rescheduled as I was getting ready, but I still went to the event. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, made a few connections and had some lovely conversations. Here I am before heading out the door, wearing an item from one of my apparel lines.

Just a side story here and a very good example of me knowing I no longer understand the world anymore. At the Plexus networking event I had a lengthy discussion with three people. Two were co-workers and may well have been a couple (none of my business). Some conglomeration of “theys” and trans people who are more of one gender than the one they identify as. [I have a friend who became more masculine as she transitioned into a woman, I remain confused.] Both of these folks were under the age of thirty. And both masked as if they were performing open heart surgery. I am not an anti-masker but there is common sense and there is being foolish. The elderly, infirmed, immunocompromised, please mask up. If you are in a super-spreader situation (oh, like a Pride event), mask up. If you are in casual conversation, in a room with maybe 20 people in it with plenty of room to space out, really? I have experienced, in many uber-liberal circumstances, young people masked up like I was throwing anthrax at them. While it was well over a hundred years ago, I was once young. I can say I would never have done that. Now, please understand, I find nothing wrong with it, but I do find it odd. To each their/her/his own.

The good times did not sustain themselves. The financial woes continued on into the following week with more problems I won’t bore you with. I will not expand on this any further with anyone in any way, but the stress from one problem after another caused me to make some very poor personal decisions, particularly on this day. Those decisions ultimately caused me or anyone else no harm, but sent me a very strong wake-up call and could easily have ruined my life. I faced the end of everything you know about me for a few tenuous moments. I do believe that wake-up call was a gift given to me, so we will simply peel each day back one at a time and see if I have indeed learned anything. By the time this post runs, it will have been weeks since I wrote this so no need feeling any empathy for me. I remain a very flawed human being with minor self-destructive tendencies. Let’s hope Kandi wins the battle with those demons. She usually does. I have the capacity to compartmentalize each and every day, each and every experience, so we marshal on. Sometimes the weight of being a trans-felon gets overwhelming. I have learned in life, nothing is easy, nothing.


8 Responses

  1. Good Thursday Morning Kandi,

    Your compelling description of these recent difficulties is very moving. These travails resonate with me, and I am sure with a great many of your dedicated readers, friends, and fans! as well. Years ago I had a friend and work colleague from Scotland who, at the end of a long day, would walk down the hallway, shaking his head slowly, heading home and in his Scots brogue accent mutter “Fock me……fock me….” It was funny to hear him doing this but it was also, as I took it, a universal expression of the human condition in all its muddy beauty. Ugh.
    And for sure, while good things usually seem to take time to happen bad things often strike like lightning. I am glad to know that you are OK, but your close call sounds too close.
    Best to you as this week rolls along,
    Marissa in Ohio

    1. To paraphrase your Scottish friend “I was almost focked!”. Almost…..

      Been better since as you will read in the coming days.

  2. Kandi,
    Love this post with the multiple events and photo shots.. You have really gotten “Pretty” since we met (began our journeys). I remember when I suggested you looked like a Lady TV Newswomen on FOX and you responded some thing to the effect that were no wear need her looks, well now I say you have taken a different path and surpassed her and so many others. I believe this is because you truly enjoy the joy Kandi spreads in this very chaotic world. Keep it up, keep smiling and enjoy every minute.

    Marie Anne

  3. Goodness girl you have been though it my friend
    Wish I was there to give you a big hug.
    Life is just never simple and we all have something going on that just make it more difficult than it should be.
    You do find a way though GF and I’m glad your soldiering on.
    Oh an by the way I’m with you on the mask thing, I mean really
    Anyway I hope things will improve
    I will pray for better days
    Love ya Rachael

    1. Thanks Rach, very much. That was a while back, life has moved forward and better days have been had and hopefully will continue.

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