Circumstances, we all have them. As it relates to the subject matter of this blog, you may have a spouse. She may be 100% supportive or completely disdain this part of you. You may have complete freedoms as it relates to your dressing or are in either a DADT (don’t ask, don’t tell) or secretive circumstance. You may dress but be fearful of leaving your home. Your wife may support you dressing at home but will not allow you to leave the home. Maybe it’s vice versa. I could go on and on with various scenarios.
While I am blessed to have the freedoms I have, there are many things I do not have. Without revisiting some of my personal circumstances (which I will in detail soon), there are many things you all do daily without thought that I cannot. I have been through hell on Earth with a business failure and the legal collateral damage it all caused. Almost 20 years later, I still deal with it and think about it every single day. My circumstances, my fault. It shapes my livelihood, it restricts places I can go. Again, my circumstances, my fault.
While I am by no means complaining, we are solidly middle class and want for nothing, but my reality is that I will work until I die. There will be no complete retirement for me. My circumstances.
Because I am self-employed, I am unable to generate health care benefits. So my wife has to work full time at a job she hates or at least strongly dislikes. That kills me each and every day. I don’t dwell on it, but it’s my reality. She accepts and understand this, but it will always bother me. Her recent complete hearing loss in one ear from the plague, leaves her uneasy in many situations (it affects both her hearing and her equilibrium). As such, she has become more anxious and that has lead to an ulcer. Our circumstances, my failure as a provider.
Unfortunately, this is how life works. I am told frequently how lucky I am for allowing Kandi to flourish. I completely agree and never take it for granted. But I am sure there are parts of your life that would make me envious, that I would immediately trade places to have. I also know that many of you deal with far more than I could ever imagine, every day difficult. We all have portions of our lives where we are blessed and portions we wish were better or easier. Health, both physical and mental, are of tantamount importance. Without that it is difficult to get through the day and puts a drain on personal resources. If you have your health, you are fortunate. After a positive result from my recent health scare, I remain thankful for our blessings. With my issues and benefits, I consider myself very blessed and try to acknowledge that frequently.
Yes, I am fortunate to have the circumstances that have allowed Kandi to bring me such joy. But for everything we get, there are things we do not get or difficulties that balance that all out. My purpose here is one of support and to show those that have the circumstances to get out, but chose not to do so for fear of the unknown, that the world is far more accepting than you believe. Yes, I get out (or at least used to do so more often). Yes, I am accepted in doing so (or at least used to do so). Yes, I am blessed. My circumstances.