The following is a redacted version of an e-mail exchange between myself and a new friend who we will refer to as “Trish”. I left out certain details not pertinent to the moral of the story and for privacy reasons.
I got a link to your site from a girl friend and came across a post of your letter to our wives. I would dearly love to be able to print the whole letter off for my wife to read. I did print of the letter but half of it was missing for some reason. Would you be able to send me the complete letter in a pdf (I did so)? I hope so because it says exactly what I’ve been trying to get across to my wife without much luck. It says exactly what I want to say to her in trying to explain our need to cross dress.Trish
After sending her the letter…..
That is perfect. When I read it I was in tears because it is exactly what I have been trying to relay to my wife for so long. I told her I was a CD before we were married, I couldn’t in good conscience carry that secret into a marriage. That was 47 years ago, she does tolerate it somewhat but is in no way accepting or supportive. She just does not want to meet Trish, I’ve learned to deal with it and work around it and I’m not asking her to accept Trish but the friction, misunderstanding and misconceptions have not made us very close and that is all I would ask for. I hope your letter will help accomplish this. It’s I guess my last ditch effort to help her understand.Trish
After her wife read the letter….
I gave her the letter to read and she first came up with some anal responses. Then I saw that she’d had a bit too much to drink so I said “just leave it and read again tomorrow”. She did, and the next morning we were talking and I told her that my friend and I would be meeting in Vancouver for a couple of days for one of the Cornbury Society’s monthly dinners. Then I told her about my friend and yourself setting up a conference (in the works) and that I would be going if it comes nearby. Her response was “Oh, ok, won’t that be expensive though?” I was in shock Kandi, really. Total shock. I was expecting her to blow a gasket and start in on another rant. I thought of you and the letter you so kindly sent me right away. I had been trying to get her to join the chat room for wives of crossdressers on a website which she had no interest in joining. But along with her response to my friend and I and the conference she said I’m thinking about joining that wives group.
All of this, Kandi, I’m sure is from your letter to the wives and I cannot begin to tell what that has meant to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart girl 💖💋 If this continues you and I will need to celebrate with a nice bottle of wine.Trish
Here at Kandi’s Land we make dreams come true! Seriously though, things like this make me feel like I am not screaming into the ether. I guess when this tree falls, someone is there to hear it.
Thanks Trish! Positive enforcement like this is very valuable!
Comments here, emails to me, any and all feedback is so important to me personally because I spend a great deal of time doing this. No doubt, part of it is ego. But much of it is to give my sisters a platform to express themselves, a place to commune and to let them know that they are not alone. Under the giant umbrella of “cross dressing” there are many, many varieties. I think the group that frequents here is a special place, where we care about each other. I imagine given the proper circumstances, we would spend much more time as our female selves. While I get to do so more than many, I would do so much more often without valued relationships, the need to work, etc…
Kandi’s Land Update! Our ten seconds on the Times Square Billboard (not the best photo, but it is visual proof that it happened)!
I can only add that wives/partners are always welcome at our meetings , in fact 25% attend . I find it so useful to chat to them and get an insight into the way they deal with the problem . It’s so good to see Trish is going down that road but she mist also accept a few 180 degree turns , I found it was sometimes one step forward and two back but at least they are talking about the situation .
Keep banging the drum Kandi people can hear them !!
Of course, I will!!
A beautiful story from Trish, and a powerful example of the power of communication. Keep us the good work!
Thanks for posting our conversation Kandi,
I’d like to give you an update on this. I told her recently that I had joined another social group of CDs and they were having a tea and luncheon on October 23rd and that I wanted to go and meet my new girlfriends. She was fine with that, all she said was drive carefully. It’s a 4 hour drive from where I live to the lower mainland. I also told her some of the other events they have throughout the year and one of them was a 2 or 3 day winery tour and shopping that they hold in the spring. All she said was “isn’t that going to be expensive?” Her whole attitude is slowly changing Kandi. I beginning to hope that one day she’ll say I want to meet Trish. If this happens Kandi, you and I will not only have a bottle of wine but Trish is buying dinner too. Isn’t this amazing.
That makes me so very happy and so happy for you! Cheers my friend!
Kandi – the ‘Open Letter’ strikes again and so it should! It’s an absolute masterpiece and, of course,. the reason that I’m here. For some, like Trish, it’s a door opener. For others it just gives comfort that, when the day of reckoning comes, it may not have the negative outcome we fear and I would urge anyone reading this who’s not read it yet to have a read – it’s currently number four on the ‘all time favorite posts’ list. To our community, that post is a gift that just keeps giving!
Trish – a really uplifiting account and I hope things continue on an upward trajectory for you.
Thank you my dear!!
Thank you Amanda for your comment. It does seem she is mellowing and here’s hoping it continues. Maybe one day she’ll ask to meet Trish. Either way, at this point I’m one happy girl.