Once a month when I’m in town, I go to a Transgender support group at the local non-profit. I go there to try to lend some wisdom.
Why do I feel the need to do this? Because I’ve learned a lot of life lessons over 60 years and coaching-mentoring people for 31 years. There were about 15 of us there. If I had to guess, three of us were over 60 and the remainder were 15-25 in age.
After listening to each go around the table telling their truth and pronouns, I came to a realization. It’s more of a feeling really.
I’d listen to one after another speak in their mouse voice. What I mean is that it was an effort to get any volume out. Many spoke only a few words and others although they spoke more, mentioned trigger words that I picked up on immediately.
𝗖𝗥𝗨𝗦𝗛𝗘𝗗. 𝗗𝗘𝗩𝗔𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗧𝗘𝗗. 𝗖𝗔𝗡’𝗧 𝗖𝗢𝗣𝗘. 𝗠𝗘𝗗𝗜𝗖𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗠𝗢𝗥𝗘.
I felt their pain but what I saw was that they lacked the ability to deal with what I saw were everyday life situations. I saw them as no big deal while they saw them as life-crushing and apocalyptic events.
During the storytelling, I passed along some wisdom, trying to give them a different perspective to deal with these obstacles.
I told them… “You can’t go through life, avoiding pain and anything uncomfortable. Doing so leaves you weak and unable to withstand what life will throw at you. Friction, when dealt with at the moment, causes our life muscles to get stronger.”
I’m sure you’ve seen it on the news. Safe-Spaces on college campuses when only discussion that doesn’t ruffle feathers is allowed. No discourse or debate with opposing views is allowed or it will upset some students.
In an effort to feel empathetic to everyone, we as a society, have created children and young adults unable to cope with even the slightest difficulties. We do what makes us FEEL good instead of what DOES good.
𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙-𝗪𝗢𝗥𝗧𝗛 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗔 𝗦𝗣𝗜𝗡𝗘 𝗛𝗔𝗩𝗘 𝗕𝗘𝗘𝗡 𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗧.
A “spine” is meant in that you are tougher and can weather a storm. You may get beat up but you get up, dust yourself off and you keep on truckin’.
No “spine” is you become a victim and look for constant handouts and prescriptions (all external) to help you deal with issues.
To increase self-worth, try reading the following…
I love being me.
I appreciate myself and my abilities.
I treat myself with compassion. I speak kindly to myself. I validate my emotions and advocate for my needs. I forgive past errors and let go of judgments. I focus on harmony and healing.
I pursue challenges that help me to learn and grow. I set goals that excite and inspire me.
I devote my time and energy to meaningful activities.
I protect my mental and physical wellbeing. I set reasonable boundaries. I practice self-care. I adopt healthy habits, like eating a balanced diet and exercising regularly. I take time for myself each day.
I am comfortable with my body. I give myself compliments. I wear clothes that fit me and make me feel attractive. I am thankful for my mobility and strength.
I surround myself with family and friends who care about me. I develop mutually supportive relationships. I give generously and ask for help when I need it.
I make intentional choices. My life has purpose and direction.
I have fun. I spend time each day doing things that I enjoy. I go for a hike with my family and try new restaurants with my friends. I make art and work on my hobbies. I laugh and play.
Today, I make myself a priority. I remember that I deserve love and affection. I am beautiful inside and out. I feel happy and hopeful. I have the courage to be authentic.
************This is just a sample affirmation reading in the first person. Feel free to substitute any part with what’s appropriate for you.
I hope this is of help to some.
Thank you Gwen for your post. We are about the same age (73). Last weekend I attended Keystone for the 9th time. I had a great time as always. Unfortunately I have a non accepting wife, but I have accepted that.
I look at young people today who are Transgendered. I gave up on all the labels. I would like to tell them how much as changed, for the better, regarding our community. I would just come off as a old person who sounds like a know it all. But I know I don’t know it all. But I do know that things are way better regarding our community, not perfect, but better.
I was at Keystone as well.
I hear you and sadly in many cases, wisdom from experience goes unutilized by the youth who think the world started when they were born.
Hi Gwen, I really enjoyed reading this post and everything you have to say. As part of the “millennial” generation, I have struggled with self worth issues before but have come to realize it generally comes with laziness or an idle mind. What you have said is so true and I’ve learned some of it from hard experience myself. Just like you said, staying busy both physically and mentally and setting goals does so much to eliminate discouragement and issues with self worth. Also, it’s such a waste of time to get offended at what others say especially where no offense was intended. I very much look up for wisdom and how to cope, to those more experienced than me, people like you, Kandi and the others that contribute to this site. It has helped me realize my own self worth and even the good that maybe I could do for others. Kandi’s land has been a gold mine for me and I really appreciate and enjoy everything I read here!
I’ll let Gwen respond, but had to jump in and tell you that the fact that Kandi’s Land has been a gold mine for you is so wonderful! That is exactly why we are here! Love you Lizzy!