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When I am dressed, I speak in my normal male voice.  But when around strangers, especially in short answer situations, I try to soften my voice a bit, speaking with a bit of a lilt in my voice.  A “thank you” can be delivered femininely.  Other than that, I know I’m not fooling anyone. This has now proven itself in thousands of situations. You can certainly hear this on my YouTube channel.

I believe in all other aspects, I hold myself as a woman does.  I have always been able to walk gracefully in heels.  I find myself naturally swinging my hips and often enjoy a lengthy walk through a mall, happily playing up my walk.  With minor padding, I believe my shape is close to that of a natural woman.  I have actually now completely gone away from any padding other than my breasts (and frequently then I simply wear a padded bra). I only wear hip padding when I need hips to hold up a certain skirt or pair of slacks. In every aspect, my wish to “feel” like a woman is greater than how I am viewed or perceived.

I allow my breasts to lead me, which then allows me to naturally hold my arms back a bit and have a more feminine posture.  At a recent cocktail party (okay, it was a few years ago), a woman complemented me on how I hold myself as well as my posture (which lead me to think up this post).

I am more expressive with my hands.  You can again see this in my videos. My manner of speech changes, the profanities I normally use go away.  I pay attention to every detail; every stitch of clothing worn is female.  I may not be the best at makeup (although my skills have improved dramatically, where I now prefer my own handiwork to that of a professional), but it is always done properly.  I want women to know how much I respect them and admire all they go through.

I guess one of the best pieces of advice I picked up while reading and studying how to do all of this is to get small.  Men like to spread out.  They hold their feet apart, cross their legs so they take up more space.  Women stand with our feet together, we hold our arms closer to our sides.  Men cross their arms, woman gently let them rest in our laps.  When I take a photo, I automatically stand with my feet together or one in front of the other.  That produces a slimmer silhouette.  Our legs are crossed in a manner which reduces the space we fill.  I believe this manner of holding myself, coupled with my obvious glee in being who I am, has allowed me to move about freely.  Time to put it all to the test yet again!

I have now built quite a resume, so to speak, of situations, events, places, activities, experiences, while dressed. I know how I am treated. I cannot speak for anyone else. I now believe I am a woman. I am transitioning in-place. I am not trying to pass. I am what I am, who I am. Personality, style, generally good humor, confidence, a huge smile, but a key is my comportment. That allows me to do what I want, go where I want, to be accepted in general.

This struck me as so important at Keystone. I observe people, am a student of human nature. Many of the ladies at Keystone looked fabulous…..then they walked. Some looked like they were trying to make a tackle in the backfield, eying the field like a linebacker. Look, we are who we are. We have the body frame we have. But don’t draw further unnecessary scrutiny to yourself by lumbering about in that beautiful dress, with your fantastic professional makeover! Comportment simply enhances the feminine experience. Be mindful.

This public service announcement was brought to you by Kandi’s Land!


6 Responses

  1. Kandi,

    Love your closing statement –Public Service Announcement- And yes ! COMPORTMENT and linked to CONFIDENCE go together to the “Feeling” and being the woman we are (can be).
    HUG From MARIE

  2. So much good advice here and I love how you have embraced yourself as Kandi.
    I too feel much the same, if it really was practical for me to do so my male side would totally disappear for good but it just isn’t
    Recently I was staying at a casino and enjoyed some time as myself while playing slots.
    It was so nice just being a woman walking among the others and never once thinking anyone cared
    Like you I didn’t totally pass but I do hope I presented myself well enough I was perceived as a women
    This isn’t an easy life girls like us have but we just try to get by

  3. Kandi,

    I have seen your videos and I strongly suspect that depending on the person or situation, you often “pass” (in the broad sense of that term, where the other people are not looking or do not care to look “under the hood”. People who are nosy, or more observant, or familiar with TG folks (trans radar!) see you as trans no doubt. But, I think you deserve a lot of credit for working hard to simply be a woman, and that is why you are accepted so well socially as a woman. Woman inside = woman outside.

    Isn’t is wonderful to simply be Kandi, without a need to explain yourself to anyone else? You sure shine like a beacon all the time, so I think I know the answer!


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