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An Interesting Comment

Teresa made me think a bit.....

Every time you post I see something far more than skin deep, you are a genuine person and that is what people pick up on. Also you enjoy the female role, again it’s the genuine part of you, you no longer deny who you are. I’m sure you’re also aware that it’s not really the outfits you wear that other people are attracted to, it’s the lovely person that shines through.

So this poses the question does it or can it work in male mode? I personally feel it doesn’t but then I’m biased. To me the interactions are so different, there’s a trust in females which is often missing with men. We are prepared to openly share far more whereas men are more guarded, they’re stuck with that stupid macho shell.

It was wonderful to see your happy meeting with Jocelyn, you both look great. I had to smile at the story of Jocelyn finding a new place to eat, I’ve been caught out the same way, I thought I knew my town but there are always hidden corners.


Teresa really made me think with this recent comment. So allow me the time here to peel the onion back.

The first paragraph brought two points home for me. I have been told frequently that my presentation is very good. I know that I am stylish and I take great pride in that. I am well put-together and that is not by accident. From my significant personal experience, I know that every single person that I interact with, be that directly with them or simply walking past them, that person is judging me. It may not be a conscious thing. Our minds are constantly making hundreds of judgements and decisions as we take each step, especially when out of one’s home. So when I pass someone, their brain probably makes a calculation that a woman is passing, or that woman looks nice, or that person is not a threat. But the result of that calculation is not to whip their head around because I am some perceived freak, out and about.

The other point is one I recently made to someone on Facebook who is getting her sea legs in dealing with the general public. If you completely own it, your probabilities of having an amazing interaction go way up. I have had to present my ID and/or my credit card (clearly with a male name) thousands of time. Never a snide remark or an awkward question. People are drawn to authenticity.

She then asks if this works in male mode. Teresa makes some very valid points which I don’t need to repeat. Again, I know from significant personal experience, now going on 62 years on this planet, I am pretty much invisible in male mode. Now that doesn’t mean I am not noticed or valued when in circumstances that include my active participation in something, be it a beer with friends or a work situation. But simply walking through the world, no one pays me any particular attention.

I feel like it is my obligation to my sisters, past, present and future, to make positive impressions everywhere I go. If we keep doing this, making positive impressions, minds will evolve and attitudes will change over time. They already have (or I would not have experienced all of the things that I have) and this will continue. My fear, and I will be long gone before the results of all of it are seen, is the in-your-face qualities of the younger generation. Hey, it’s their world now, but I know what I know, I’ve seen what I’ve seen. I will go to my grave knowing I made a positive impact on the world (albeit a microscopic one) using my approach.

Thanks Teresa!


8 Responses

  1. Interesting observations. As an increasingly regular reader of your blog, I am amazed at your energy level and seemingly constant engagement with the community around you. One can’t help but contrast that with the much quieter, more reserve life that I lead. I envy and admire your energy, enthusiasm and willingness to pitch in!

    1. Thank you Kim, you are very kind!

      Just wait until you read about my adventures at Keystone and our Cleveland International Film Festival. One day, I may take a nap….

  2. I agree with Teresa’s comment about there being a big difference in how men and women interact with each other. I find I greatly prefer the women’s way and, like Kandi, felt much less noticed as a male in public. And I agree with Kandi that if one truly owns up to and accepts who one really is and then conducts oneself as a confident woman, life can be very pleasant. It took me a while to get past the hesitancy in accepting who I was but, once I did, life has gotten better and better.


    1. Fi, I speak now from experience, you are one great gal! I was given one gift, the many friendships I have fostered here and in the real world. Last week was surreal and getting to know you, all my pleasure! We are now sisters for life.

  3. Kandi ,
    I really appreciate your reply . So many transgender people live in two worlds , for many of them it’s difficult if not impossible to combine them in their personal situation . You are a true vanguard of proving it’s possible to combine the two , it was very kind of you to invite me to contribute my experiences on that situation .
    I know at times I may not sugar coat my comments , I admit it comes from my own experiences of fighting the battle to prove who I truly am , striving to achieve normality in the reality of my inner feelings .

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