I am always in a reevaluation phase of my life of late. During the pandemic, there was at least one thing going very well for me. While my job was mindless (always has been, always will be), it provided a decent level of income and I only worked two days a week. So I trained, qualified for and ran Boston. I frequently played pickleball and more importantly was a valued part of our local pickleball community. That meant friendships, comradery. This was all possible because I had a paid for, operative truck.
As is the case with everything in life, circumstances shift, priorities change. I now, as does my wife, work like a dog trying to find a path to retirement at some time before they plant me. No more free time, no more of these activities. No more free time to go to Keystone, no more real ability to justify such a selfish trip (it is selfish, not in a bad way, but it is a selfish act in the literal sense of the word).
Driving, selling apparel, building an internet marketing strategy, working for Darla, working the upcoming Cleveland International Film Festival, continuing my volunteering, writing and maintaining this blog, having an internet presence, etc… I really think I need to pull all the Kandi internet stuff back. The blog will always be what it is and hopefully continue to spread community, that will not change. I also need to stop numbing myself with alcohol. I don’t think I will ever stop, but it needs to be less frequent and not a crutch I grab often. That also factored into my Keystone decision, not a chance in hell I could do it without significant drinking. The many means of socializing all lead (for me) to a glass of wine or a cocktail, regardless of the time of day.
One thing I have done is really leverage up the personality you know as “Kandi”. That is starting to gain some traction. February 29, 2024 I had dinner with a lovely woman who runs an event planning company. This company is big time, running things like the Taste of The NFL prior to Super Bowls, Inauguration Balls and many other things. Big and small, local and national. We talked about a lot of different things and connected on a real level. There will be an upcoming meeting (which will have already happened by the time you read this), where a lot of different things will be discussed. This is what I was born to do and I may well be doing it a lot and will be doing it as a woman. I dressed to impress on this evening. You can see one of my best headshots above, taken before leaving the house.
I guess what drives me is community. I lost that as mentioned above. But I have that here. I joined an organization a few years back in search of community and that really did not play out in the way I had hoped. Running gave a sense of community. My volunteering provides that community. I am seeking to build that sense elsewhere. While chatting with my dinner companion, she started talking about community and I almost immediately felt this amazing connection. I showed her the header on the blog after she started talking about it, “A Real Community”. Fingers crossed and a hope that my life finds its purpose. As I have said before, I do believe I am “this way” for some reason other than it being some abnormality (as perceived by some, not by me).
I hope you notice the juxtaposition between my words and the pictures. You can see pure joy in my eyes, but know all these things are bouncing around in my head. I do not want anyone to look at my photos and this blog and think life is idyllic. Life is life, good and bad, easy and hard, joys and disappointments, community and loneliness. I am no different than you, you no different than the next sister.
This day was followed another busy one, March 1, 2024. I actually took it slow most of the morning, running errands and dragging my feet on some things. Then I had a late lunch with a great friend who is involved in the fashion industry. She knows a few boutique owners and may be able to connect me with them for some sales. A lovely time!
I then headed to the art museum to work the March Mix event. Here is how I looked on this day.
The evening, as always, was delightful. My public interactions were wonderful. My friend from dinner a few evenings back was there, so we caught up and I danced a bit before those shoes on my feet became torture devices. Great friends, wonderful places, the grind continues….
20 Responses
Kandi,
The possibilities for you sound great. I pray it all comes true.
You deserve so much goodness in your life.
Jocelyn
Thank you my dear, dear friend! Especially for all of your kind comments.
I did not respond yesterday because the day was spent entirely working on the things discussed in today’s post.
Amen to that Jocelyn ❤️. Kandi is the most impressive women I’ve ever met.
Ha ha ha I don’t think Amed would appreciate that. How about Ahmed 😁
I did a little editing……
You think that because we actually have not met….. 😊
You’re to hard on yourself Kandi 😂
❤️
Kandi,
I know many crossdressers/transgender people struggle to become part of the community , basically back to the FEAR of being what they desire to be . We are the lucky ones , we have crossed that threshold and become part of our commnuity , to be given the opportuntiy to contribute as a recognised female is something special , I’m sure you couldn’t live without it as I couldn’t . Of course it’s hard work but the ( unpaid ) rewards are more than worth it , they soon become reliant on you , if we miss a week or two they soon tell you how much you’ve been missed . It may only be setting out tables and chairs in a meeting room or organising refreshments but we never know when you will be asked to contribute more by joining commitees or whatever . A while ago I took an artist friend on a tour of my old town which is very old and steeped in history , now another group she belongs to has asked me to take a group of them on a guided tour with a stop for lunch which I will book for them . What will I get out of it pehaps a free lunch but if not it doesn’t matter because I’m doing it as Teresa and that to me is priceless .
😊
Sounds like your finding your way as a trans women and that alone is exciting for you
As you say being who we are must have some reason and purpose and I myself feel much the same
For me I try to help the Christian Commuity understand that we are who we are and just need to be loved and realize we may never fully understand this side of us
God bless you Kandi
Rachael
Thanks so much, Rach! I really don’t see it as making my way as trans, I see it as a necessary means of being successful and escaping the anchor always around me from an employment standpoint (my legal issues). Stay tuned, more updates coming soon to a blog near you!
Kandi,
I’m glad to hear you are cutting back on your drinking. It will take a while to get used to it. You will see the difference in your waist and purse. As we age alcohol runs right to our bellies. Besides, you don’t need alcohol to be Kandi, you ARE Kandi.
Decades ago, as a marketing director for a boutique winery, I developed a server allergic reaction to wine (and grapes). That closed out that revenue source and I no longer drink wine. I missed wine for years, but no longer. Then hospital/operations and recovery meant I couldn’t drink for years. I got used to not drinking, so today I rarely drink.
I hope you find that revenue source that allows you to retire in comfort.
Cali
You are very kind my friend, thank you!
Kandi, you look ravishing in your skirt suit. Elegant and modest. What a wonderful choice!
-Christina
I was waiting for just the right time! It worked but really had nothing to do with it working, but I felt great.
Kandi, you are so special and one of the kindest caring people I’ve ever met. I had a bucket list but now it’s more like a jar list. In it is one price of paper and on it is “meet Kandi face to face. That’s what you mean to this girl ❤️💋
Don’t make me cry……
Listen, I really have done little to nothing here, it’s all of you! Without you, I am that tree that falls in the woods and doesn’t make a noise.
I live a simple life in terms of trying to be kind to as many people as I can tolerate. Joking, of course, thank you my beautiful girl friend!
Kandi, I love the suit and the headshot picture, that smile is always so beautiful and never looks forced. Even with all your worries, I know in my heart that you will find the path forward that is best for you and your wife. Having Kandi be a major part of it is worth the effort.
It’s starting to happen. Now it’s the old “watch out what you ask for” situation.
I have to perform now given these great opportunities. More updates coming here very soon.