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‘Tis The Season!

Another story for how we need to make sure we always remember our spouse has feelings, too!

By Crystal Joens

‘Tis the season! And for so many things! First for me it is the season to learn to truly trust my wife. Some background for first-time readers. After 50+ years of crossdressing in secret, I told my wife about 8 months ago. After days of long, excruciating discussions, she is supportive. The key issue was trust, which I had betrayed for so long. That is important to this story. Second fact: my nail stylist, which sounds better than pedicurist, also knows because after an out-of-town trip with a makeover, she spotted remnants of gel on my toesies. So, I admitted it to her, and she has become a true friend and supporter.

Back to the recent trust issue. Recently my wife was away on a trip that had specific emotional weight to it. I will leave it at that. In addition, again without getting specific, she has been under a great deal of stress, including some health issues prior to that trip. I had been on that trip with her but returned home alone for a few days.

I have had several professional makeovers, over the years, but always when I was traveling, never in town or at home. As I returned alone, it occurred to me to ask my supportive nail stylist if she knew of a talented, available and discreet M-T-F makeup artist. She did and connected us. While enroute home, during a flight layover, we connected and establish a preliminary trusting agreement.

Here’s the first mistake. I assumed that with all the pressure she was under, she would not want me to tell her about the session, adding to her load. My plan was to excitedly tell her upon return. My second mistake was forgetting that our front doorbell has a camera that alerts us on our watches and phones when someone arrives, comes in and goes out. I think you can figure out the rest of that plot.

So, seeing someone with what looks like a suitcase going out, she calls from afar, to ask what is going on. I tried to duck it as a delivery and she wasn’t buying it, so I quickly admitted to having a makeover. She had to keep a positive tone with family around, but upon subsequent calls she was very cool. Upon returning home, she felt I had broken our trust and was very angry and disappointed.

She was right!  After a very stressful day of heated and emotional exchanges, we regained our footing and, I believe, our trust. Lesson learned: once you re-establish trust you cannot risk breaking it!  I should have told her in advance, whatever the pre-reaction would have been.

Two other good things resulted from the experience: I have a new trusted friend, confidant and cheerleader makeup artist who is wonderful. Second, after a few days my wife asked to see the photos and liked them, after a few fashion critique tips. I am happy to share a few with you. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

-Crystal Joens

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9 Responses

  1. Crystal, great post and your makeover was obviously a great success as you look fantastic.

    Two very important takeaways from your post – the first, of course, is the importance of maintaining trust and honest communication. It can be a real dilemma at times, particularly when we know that the truth hurts. Equally, though, if we are truthful when challenged, it proves that we can keep our activities well away from the marriage if that’s what’s required.

    And the second is never to trust technology as it’ll always win in the end. My male alter ego is a bit of a gadget nerd but for obvious reasons, a video doorbell is not on the wish list!

  2. Crystal,
    From my own experience once the outing conversation has happened there was no going back the trust had been broken , from that point on both lives had changed . To rebuild that trust it needs love to back it up ( sorry love does not conquer all ! ) and I discovered our marriage lacked sufficient love so it became a marriage of convenience . We were being seen from outside to be doing the right thing for the sake of our children and immediate family , we both knew we were at the start of something and not the end . I wanted so much to be totally honest with my situation , the important point to learn is never make promises you can’t keep . Most of us know the dressing will not stop no matter how much we promise , full disclosure is the only way forward so you can then see if there is an amicable solution .

    You look lovely with your makeover and it’s great your wife eventually asked to see the pictures but how will you both deal with your long term needs ? I’m sure in your heart of hearts you want more , as I did , those few sacred moments aren’t enough , Crystal is becoming more of a reality . Once one person knows the net gradually widens , you tell more people , you show them your pictures and most of the time you get great comments , there’s no way Crysal will return to the closet .

  3. Crystal,
    I know many of us have had similar situations. Although my wife has become very supportive I sometimes leave some details out because I don’t want to overwhelm her. Obviously trust is extremely important and something that we all must have with our spouse if we want things to work. Good luck in your journey ☺️!
    Sherry

    1. You are on target, Sherry. How much is too much and how little is not enough. And, how to read moods. I have come downstairs dressed and she just stares at me without comment – I feel like I made a mistake. Other times I come downstairs dressed and she will offer a positive compliment. Makes me feel good. Yet unsure!
      And maybe the first situation I just didn’t look good and she withheld a compliment.
      What we do has roller coaster elements to it.
      Thanks,
      Crystal

      1. Crystal,
        Reading your wife’s moods is not going to be easy , she’s not sure what she is having to come to terms with . Sometimes she”ll see you as a MIAD ( man in a dress ) and other times you could be posing a threat to her status as a wife , at times we can look more female than her so there could be more to your story than she’s happy with .

        My ex-wife did catch me out dressed some years ago but not fully as Teresa until she dropped in to see me after our separation . She called for a coffee and also to bring me our marriage certificate so I could begin divorce proceedings . She took one look at me at my front door threw her arms in the air saying , ” Oh god , I can’t deal with it !” She managed to stay for about an hour while I made coffee and thumbed through the divorce papers for her signatures . We amicably agreed to split 50-50 on the house sale , I hoped we could remain friends but I suffered a year of abusive Emails and phone calls after . We are on better terms now for the sake of our children and grandchildren but she still refuses to meet Teresa again , the important point is my door is open to her so the ball is in her court .

  4. Hi Crystal,
    I agree with Amanda, you look gorgeius in both dresses, WOW. Thanks for your post, this seems to be the main issue this year for us CDs. My self, 3 of my girl friends and now you all having issues with our marriages. But it appears all 5 of us are on the track to better times ahead.
    It also appears to me that regardless of how we handle cross dressing and our wives no way is the right or wrong way. Most girls I know have come out to their wives after they were married. Some early on and some, like you later in life. Me, I came out to my wife before we were married. I couldn’t keep that a secret going into a marriage. But none of us fared very well. Between my wife and I seeing a counsellor and talking to a close girl friend whose wife is totally supportive I’m finding out that the most important thing is constantly letting our wives know that they are number one. That they are and always will come first in our life together. I thought I’d done everything right But thanks to counselling I found out that , for years, she’d felt left out and left behind and most importantly she felt all alone. But I’m correcting all of that and the change in her is amazing. Hope you have a healthy happy New year girl.

    Trish ❤️

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