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Thanks Aretha!

Thanks Aretha!

Our friend Teresa got me thinking. I read a few words in an email from her and this post spilled out of me. Ideas strike me at the strangest time or are just sparked by a word or two.

I am speaking only for me and I am speaking from significant personal experience. The usual disclaimer here: Your results and/or experience may vary.

When I am out, I expect one thing: respect. I don’t seek it. I do not demand it. I simply expect it and I can say with all honesty, I get that 99.9999% of the time.

What I am not concerned about is if I “pass”. I don’t care if I am perceived to be a cis woman. I am not trying to represent the trans community in an overt way. I believe just navigating the world as I do is the best form of representation. I am not concerned if someone is wondering, has a question, if they need to know more about me. Certainly if I am questioned about anything, I am happy to respond. But I don’t feel the need to educate everyone that comes into contact with me.

Simply going about one’s day, presenting as they wish, without any negative feedback is a win for our peers. And doing this time after time after time is simply a continuance of slowly breaking down stereotypical thoughts and beliefs.

So what do I consider respect? Simply not noticing me is respect. Saying nothing to me is respect. Smiling at me is respect. Of course, a direct complement is respect. Just respect my right to exist and to exist in a manner that makes me happy and harms no one.

For the most part, I get complete respect from the general public. No matter who you are, evil will always exist, always has, always will. No matter who you are, how you dress, you will not eliminate it. It’s a risk all humans face each and every day.

So when I am out, it never even crosses my mind if that person perceives me to be a woman. I don’t think about passing. I don’t feel obligated to educate anyone who isn’t asking any questions. I am just me. A kind, giving person who will help her fellow human being when she can and respect those that disagree or dislike her by not forcing anything down their throats.

If all human respected all other humans, problems solved! Will that ever universally happen? Of course not, it never has and it never will. But that should never stop us from trying. Small victories, occurring every second of every day, are still victories. Seek those, find them, make them happen.

Take it from here Aretha…….


I have been honored to be included in the Haute Ohio 2023 Calendar! I will be Miss December 2022 (I guess the calendar starts with the month prior) so I will be the first featured model! Outfit options are being considered and the shoot will be next week!


12 Responses

  1. Kandi,

    Can I be the first to say congrads, WOW! you will make
    a beautiful claendar girl!!!!

    Thank you for be a great role model.


  2. Hi Kandi.
    Congratulations on being selected for the Haute Calendar.
    What type of outfits are you leaning towards? Is it your choice or that of
    the producers of the calendar? Winter (dec) suggests something warm and fuzzy.
    Looking forward to seeing it.

    1. P,

      It’s a look I do every Christmas, my red cowl neck sweater. I gave the photographer/producer a number of choices and this is the one she selected.

      Should be fun!

  3. Kandi,
    Congratulations on Miss December!! I agree with you about respect. I have always tried to follow your lead in many things. You have been a wonderful friend for many years and you know I appreciate all that you have done for me ❤️. With everything that’s going on with the passing of my dad another horrible thing happened. I have joined numerous Meetup groups and have met a few wonderful and accepting people. Earlier in the summer I was kicked out of one group because of who I am and it just happened again a couple of days ago. I just want to be me and blend into the situation…no more, no less. I guess am not feeling respected 😥.

    1. Sher,

      That sucks, no question. I did the Meetup group thing myself and stopped for no reason like that, but just because I began to find my place in the world otherwise. You’ll get there, don’t stop trying. There are ways to do it and if we ever see each other again, I can make some suggestions. No one is all things for all people. We all have places where we feel comfortable, regardless of our gender, you just have to find them.

      Prayers for your family, we’ll talk.


  4. Kandi,

    I have been waiting for this post. It is so important for all of us to realize that asking for respect is all we can really do. We can’t expect people to be allies or to understand us, or to think we are cisgender. But, we all have the ability right to ask for respect. I feel like I get it 99.99% of the time too. As I was leaving ballet class a few nights ago a new member came up to me and said that she loved the smile I wore the entire class — she said it gave her joy to see my joy. It was a wonderful, affirming comment but more than anything it showed respect for me as a human being.


  5. Respect is all anyone wants in all endeavors, no matter what that is. It seems in this country a lot of that has gone out the window with so much division and it saddens me to see it.
    I’ve been in a bit of a lull lately not sure why, I also contracted Covid while on vacation, first time for me.
    Thankfully it was mild.
    So Kandi, or shall I call you Miss December
    Congratulations on the photo shoot

  6. Congratulations Kandi, that is so cool. You are going to post the pic they pic for the canlender….right?
    I love the article and I think every Cross Dresser should read it. There are so many out there that are terrified to go out by thinking the worst is going to happen and that they’ll be clocked. I have a few girl friends that need to read the article. You are so good at presenting your articles in a way that it’s not possible to argue. And it makes the reader think about it. Well done my friend, another reason why I can’t wait till we meet in person 🥰

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