My nod to a frequent Jeopardy! category and the late, great Alex Trebek.
This is kind of a mishmash of things about me you may already know or are wondering if you are new to Kandi’s Land, revolving around my relationship with my wife and my ability to go out in public. These are significant hurdles for many and I seem to have done a fairly good job of navigating them. If only the rest of my life were this smooth…..
My main goal with my internet platforms, here, Facebook and Flickr, is to demonstrate that we can in fact go out and be who we wish to be. I try to bring some humor to all of this as well as trying to make our sisters think a bit. It is also to show that we have to follow some simple common sense rules in order to get out there. I acknowledge that I am unique in many ways. While I have never passed (each compliment received is specifically because I do NOT pass), I do blend quite well. In the best case scenario, no one thinks, oh that was a woman that just walked past me (I know, no one has that thought when a woman actually walks past them, go with me here). Probably, I am principally not noticed, the other person’s mind simply processing my presence was if I were anyone else walking by.
In any facet of life, in any situation, no two circumstances are the same. Life is loaded with risk, day in and day out. It always existed, but seems to be on steroids now with our immediate information age and the power of social media. Social media is a lit match to the tinder that is the fabric of life and our personal safety. Then the pandemic further complicated things.
I have acknowledged here and do so in my life daily, every second of the day, my good fortune to have an accepting wife. Without that the whole possibility of Kandi would not even exist. I am not sure what Kandi would be or how I would navigate life with that eating at me, but I am fortunate in that regard. Also, as I have stated, most would not trade life issues with me for the gift of an accepting wife. I am sure those that know me better than others because of a personal connection we have and therefore an established trust, probably would agree. There is a saying, if we all packed up our troubles in a suitcase and left all these suitcases in the middle of the room, with the ability to take home a different suitcase, most would grab their own suitcase and leave the room. Not sure I would.
I have talked before about The Angel Known as My Wife. As hard as this is to believe, my dressing is a non-issue. It’s just considered a part of our lives. One thing I try to do is to not make it an “in your face” kind of thing. I also do not dress for the sole purpose of staying home. To my wife, going out dressed is no different than my going to run a race (when I was capable of doing so), it’s just what I enjoy doing. She knows I have a blog, but it’s not a big deal or of any real interest to her, much as I have zero interest in her Facebook page. I would not even consider asking her to write a blog post, preferring to just allow things to be as they are. If it ain’t broke, why break it? We have enough challenges in our lives, as does everyone.
Many seem amazed at my ability to go out close to our home without being discovered. I can attribute this to many things. You would have to know me in male mode and put two and two together. It certainly would not be that difficult, but you would have to have the time to do so, have the thought process to even make that mental calculation, have a suspicion about me, and most importantly, you would have to pay attention to someone other than yourself.
Most people are focused on themselves and what they are doing. I frequent places I know friends do not. I know this now through significant personal experience. The density of people that would know you thins out the more you move away from your home. It is very infrequent for me to run into someone I know in male mode, let alone while in “disguise”. To the best of my knowledge, I can count on one hand the number of people that I know otherwise, that I have seen when out dressed, now out hundreds of times in thousands of different places. Could it happen? Absolutely. If it does, I already have in my mind how I would deal with it and explain it to mitigate any “damage”. Frankly, there is no damage possible, just opening the Pandora’s Box of questions to answer. We just don’t want to have to explain why, since I cannot explain why myself. There is no shame for either of us, just the desire for our continued privacy.
The rules of Kandi’s Land remain: we are a PG-13 site; no politics; and always be generally uplifting and supportive. Honest, but no whining, we are all in the same boat here one way or the other.
Kind of a rambling post, a bunch of stuff, but you never know when you connect something for someone.
6 Responses
Good Morning Kandi,
This is a lovely, a bit wistful (I think), and thoughtful post. Reading it makes me think about my own life and situation(s) and about your life, as I know it through your many descriptive posts.
I hear you, I get it, about what you often say concerning your own life and the good and the bad that has dogged you but I would like to offer you my take on what you do, and have done, as I understand it (admittedly minimally): you are a very good person, with a big heart and a generous spirit, and people see this, pick up on it right away. I would say you should feel good about what you do and who you are and know that your life and your endeavors are sincere, heartfelt, and meaningful.
Have a good Monday!
Best to you and yours
Marissa in Ohio
Thank you my dear! I did write this well over four years ago, but yes it still applies. My wife and I live a very modest lifestyle and I am not looking for a windfall to drop on us so we can cruise the South of France. We have a lovely home, wonderful family and friends and eat healthy and well (thanks to my wife’s 20% food discount from her job). Our today is quite good. My concerns are our tomorrows and how we get to retire as we age. That, right now, is not possible unless I become successful at what I am attempting, working hard at 63 instead of having to work had at 83… I am always thankful and appreciative of the love I get each and every day (read tomorrow’s post), but I still have to think about the future. My wife has stuck with me despite two strikes, any one of which would doom most marriages. She deserves comfort and I will work tirelessly until that happens, even if I die trying. I owe her that effort, even though she has never, ever asked for it.
Kandi, you have an amazing ability to take something as complicated as our lives as part time women and show it all in its most simplistic form. It is very good post, one that should be a must read for all of us, Thank you girl ❤️🤗.
Trish
One day….we must meet….
You’re absolutely right. I would love to have some drinks and dinner with you my savior. It would be one of the high lites in my cross dressing journey🤔….no THE high lite. Luv ya girl.
Trish ❤️
Kandi,
You make a very good point about the right circumstances happening before your true identity becomes obvious , the majority of people who know you in male mode aren’t going to expect a female version of you . Besides even on your own doorstep most of your adventures as Kandi aren’t repeated in male mode , of course the most postive aspect is your wife isn’t too upset by your dual appearance , if stories do filter back to her it isn’t the end of the World .
Recently I have encountered a problem , I was asked by a group of artists to give them a guided tour of my old home town , it is a haven for painting subjects . The walk started at 10.30 with a break for lunch before continuing after until 3.30 . My ex-wife heard about it , she said if she was in the restaurant at the same time she would have made a scene and possibly hit me . I asked her what exactly would that achieve , she admitted absolutely nothing . Then she asked what I would I have said if I’d seen my grandson in the town at that time ( he’s not been told the facts about me ) I suggested that as I would have been with a group of people he probably wouldn’t have recognised me ( why would he be looking for grandpa dressed as a woman anyway ? ) . The outcome was she told me never to do it again , I mentioned this conversation to my daughter and she was furious , she said she had no right to act that way . Point one being we are divorced , secondly I have every right to show people the town I was born and raised in and finally I have transitioned , I’m now officially Teresa .
Kandi I’m sure some reading this might say she’s right and I’m wrong , she did question me about the level of respect for her but then respect is a two way situation , she’s showing little respect to me and more to the point our children because she’s not allowing them to fully make their own decisions . She has heated arguments with my daughter and she claims to be protecting our grandsons but that begs the question protecting them from what ? After six years I keep trying to impress on her that the occasional meeting with me would make the situation far easier to deal with with our children and grandchilden , her reply to that was , ” I’d sooner shoot HER !! ”
I’ve told this part of my life because I appreciate other members here chose not to take the risks I have to retain their marriage status . You ask for honesty in you post and that is why I finally decided to be honest with myself but it can come at a price besides I couldn’t live the rest of my life with someone else controlling , that is a point others must think seriously about .