Passing is the ability of a person to be regarded as a member of an identity group or category different from their own, which may include racial identity, ethnicity, caste, social class, sexual orientation, gender, religion, age and/or disability status.
Blending is to be harmonious or consistent with. In our case, to fit into the mainstream flow of society without standing out or drawing any undue attention.
Our discussion here has nothing to do with biological males that have had plastic surgery and/or are on HRT (hormone replacement therapy). Apples and oranges.
There are as many biological males that completely pass as biological women as there are Super Bowl winning quarterbacks. They exist, but are rare. Do not attempt to reach a standard that is completely impossible. That will only doom you to failure and may discourage you from fully realizing the woman you are and that you can be!
I have met some of the most drop dead gorgeous ladies that many have seen here on the old world wide web, unbelievably beautiful women. But they all have tells, easy to see in person. We all have tells, many, many tells. They are as undeniable as death and taxes. I am not going to list them here, but when all is said and done it’s either the voice or the hands that are dead giveaways.
Now, does that mean we all should not strive to present ourselves in the best fashion possible? Of course not. Seek to blend, not pass. You can absolutely succeed at blending. Look at me for goodness sake and I have done so (humbly) quite successfully. I have been out well over a thousand times, I have been to tens of thousands of different places, I have been in front of hundreds of thousands of people, never once experiencing anything negative. Why? Because I blend. I mix into my surroundings so as not to stand out. Most importantly I am authentic and confident. No one’s head is spinning around to “read” me. If they do so, they quickly can figure me out but since I am doing nothing to draw negative attention, they go about their business while I go about mine.
You will never pass. Sure you may for some period of time, but there will be a moment where you have to speak extensively or shake someone’s hand. Or hand someone a credit card or reach for your drink. Beautiful acrylic nails don’t make the hands any smaller. They don’t change nature. They do assist greatly with blending. The Seinfeldian term “man hands” is real!
Also, don’t assume that someone’s photograph is proof that they pass. Photo angles, lighting and different techniques can hide or minimize the tells. Real life cannot. I have taken quite a few photos that could be mistaken for a CIS woman. My purpose here is not to discourage you, it is to arm you with the tools and knowledge essential for getting out safely and confidently. Let me tell you, living a truth, there is simply nothing like it! It is so worth making the effort because the rewards are indescribable.
Times are different as many of my guest (well, more like permanent guest) bloggers can attest. Correction, contributors, because without them I would have bored you all to tears by now. They offer a different view, a change in perspective and I am blessed to have them. But I digress…….
Blend, dear ladies! Just because you don’t “pass” does not mean you can’t be the woman you want to be, that you are!
People come in all shapes, sizes, races, genders, variations of genders, on and on and on……
Editorial comment: We sometimes tread old ground because you never know when someone struggling with gender issues is reading our blog for the first time, looking for answers, trying to figure themselves out.