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Kandi’s Mailbag

We have a chat with a reader....

As I weed through the thousands of……hundreds of…..okay this e-mail I recently received, I thought I would share the exchange with you. It is printed with the author’s permission and all names shall be changed to protect the innocent!

I am writing to ask you about your children’s knowledge of, and perhaps their response to, you as Kandi.  I ask this because up to this point in my life only my wife knows of my [XXX] side.  My grown son and his wife are possibly moving to a house immediately next to ours and I am pondering how, if, when, to tell them about [XXX].  I recall reading in one of your posts that you were going to write about how your ‘talk’ went with one of your grown daughters but I cannot find that post as I look through your archive. Thanks in advance for your attention to this request.

Also, since I have you for a moment, let me just gush, truly awestruck, over you fabulous, fabulous exploits and adventures out and about.  Your look, your overall presentation of Kandi is absolutely awesome, beautiful, and so at ease and authentic. I, like many others I am sure, are so envious of your energy, your ability to boldly go where ……Emoji

XXX, a friend

My response:

God bless you and thank you for the wonderful compliments!

I am extremely happy to help in any way I possibly can.

We have two grown daughters.  One is [age], lives in [elsewhere], a [her profession].  I told her over the Christmas holiday while we were driving back from Planet Fitness.  It wasn’t preplanned, I just felt comfortable doing so and figured some one needs to know if I die after my wife.  It was basically a nonevent.  We talked a while and she did ask my wife some questions.  Since then, it hasn’t come up, nor does it need to.  I have no idea what she does specifically in her day-to-day life, so why does she need to know in mine?  That said, I have done some tremendous things like my so-called movie career, that I would like to share with them

Daughter number two is [age], lives in [another city], [her profession].  She does not know for a few reasons.  I just haven’t had the in-person opportunity to tell her and she has a bit of an OCD issue.  Covid sucked for all of us, it certainly didn’t help her much at all.  I haven’t not told her for any reason, I just haven’t felt compelled to tell her just yet.  Given the distance and her reluctance to travel anywhere during the pandemic, the opportunity just hasn’t presented itself.

I expect zero blowback.  Without sounding arrogant, Kandi has made me into some type of magnetic person (dressed or not).  Read the blog the next few weeks and you will understand what I mean [you have already seen what I was referencing here].  People, even those not familiar with “us” or disinclined to accept us, just immediately get me.  I have an inherent vibe that makes others comfortable around me.  I know this now from thousands and thousands of encounters in thousands of different places and scenarios.

I believe I have told you my backstory (I will if I have not), so having lived that, survived that and thrived afterward, dressing, being essentially transgendered, is really a nonissue.  I have a different perspective in life than many.  A sort of “It’s a Wonderful Life” existence.

Please ask anything else and tell me what I can do to help.

Thank you for being my reader!

Thank you very much for this lovely reply to my message.  I understand your points, and explanations.

I would rather not ‘burden’ (as I think it would be something of a burden) my son and daughter in law with my personal/private life doings, but then again, I sometimes think, “Oh what the heck, why not just be completely at ease and ‘out’ with it.”  It is a bit of a tough call.  I live in [a city], which is a very small town, and a small community.  Everyone in my neighborhood, and even many around town know my car (a red, (always waxed!) 2012 [nice car]) as there are only two or three others like it here.  I know oodles of people around town and I am just not ready to mix my two worlds.  

Yes, you may absolutely ‘genericize’ my message/question and use it in the outstanding Kandi’s Land blog if you think it will be of interest to others. 

[There was more, but it is between us girls.]

XXX, a friend


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