Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho, It’s Off To My Last Keystone I Go…

On the day this post runs, I am on my way to my final (I hope) Keystone. Not because I do not love the experience, more because I have to stop all of this… I struggle no differently than many of you do, each and every day, each and every minute of every day. Who am I? What am I? Why can’t I be better? Understand, I do not struggle with why am I “this” way. My struggle is how I can make the other parts of my life as effortless as being Kandi has become. But she don’t pay no bills.

I mentioned the need to remove this specific conflict from my already crowded head. I also mentioned the need to adjust my priorities as family dynamics continue their natural evolution with both new family members soon to enter and senior members sunsetting. And my perpetual struggle with the absolute selfishness of doing this (given my personal circumstances, a 39-year marriage which I have already tested by getting sent away for over two years and, oh yeah, all of this). I am not you; you are not me.

This is no different than many things to me. I hate shaving, I love being shaved. I hate doing my make up, I love being made up. I hate going to Keystone, I love being at Keystone. In general, I hate becoming Kandi, I adore beyond words being Kandi. I have no standing to say this, but it’s probably like giving birth. No fun, but that life you created…

Whenever I am out of town on my own, I feel a great sense of disconnectedness from my life. See that cocktail in the photo, my means of dealing with all of that. Yep, I am one fucked up human being! Or maybe like everyone else?

Wednesday last week, I spent a few hours doing an outfit planning and necessary purge session. Between Keystone and The Cleveland Internation Film Festival (CIFF) I need about 12 outfits over the next few weeks. I will essentially be in girl mode every day except Monday and Tuesday for two and a half weeks. And there is the need to transport five of these outfits, so there is pre-planning required. Plus, I pride myself on my variety, which is easier when done in batches. There are jeans, dresses, sweaters, skirt suits, slacks, skirts, different glasses, different jewelry sets, etc… Pathetic, you bet!

I also did what I call a “Purge 20”, where I force myself to get rid of 20 pieces of clothing. I’ll do this periodically. You have to remember, I literally could wear a different outfit, male and female, probably every day for more than three years. I accumulated many items from my now gone apparel line. There are things I simply will never be able to wear. Also, when I get home from an outing, something has to get tossed (or sold or donated). Thinning the herd.

The Purge 20 was simply things like sports bras (believe me, I still have too many), various t-shirts, sweaters I will never wear, a few dresses I simply should never have purchased, and the biggest thing was getting rid of my wedding dress. Someone without the resources can use it and it was taking up way too much space. It has a corset back, which means I can never get into it myself. I have taken pictures in it already and it’s not like I don’t find other ways to wear wedding dresses. I got rid of two very large garbage bags of things, and I can promise, I will not miss one single item.

I set up five outfits for Keystone plus one backup emergency outfit: a denim dress for the entire day driving and dinner Thursday, day outfits for Friday and Saturday and two adorbs outfits for dinner Friday and the Saturday gala. My gala outfit, much in the same vein of my last time there, my nod to Jackie O seen above, will be quite striking and thematic! And fucking cute! And very, very girly… I will certainly be noticed that I can promise you.

March 15, 2025, I had orientation for CIFF. Since it was only for an hour and a half, I kept it very, very basic, as you can see here. Not much to report. I will say, my involvement here is quite noticed. There were many, many people who made a point of saying hello and telling me how glad they were to see me again. I must say, it was quite heartwarming. Here is the very basic version of yours truly…

Yesterday I did a rarity, put that exact same outfit on again because I had to get my nails done. I had originally planned on gluing on my press-on nails, which I love. But that would render my actual nails ruined for my subsequent CIFF shifts (cannot keep them on in real life) and would render me effectively an invalid at Keystone. Nails go on and come off in a normal outing after I am dressed and before I get undressed. Otherwise, I would have trouble simply removing or putting on a necklace (finger dexterity is a distant memory). So, got a simple cherry red manicure. Accept your short comings and find ways to work around them and still be the woman you want to be.

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In the category of “That and $5 won’t cover a Starbucks” for one hundred Alex, I recently had my day in the sun on my very favorite podcast. I will not go into which one, since doing so would out me, but I sent in an email taken verbatim from this here Kandi’s Land about my having helped create these two photos. One between Brandi Carlile and one Carole King (all me, baby!) and the meeting of the very same Brandi Carlile and Belinda Carlisle and her bandmates, The Go-Go’s (I assisted). My name was read, and I got quite a bit of enthusiasm about my experience and my tale. You will all think I am full of it, but THAT brought me much, much more joy than anything you read here.

Why?

One, I love music above all else except family. Given the choice, gun to my head, I can only keep one of the following. My nearly 14,000 song iTunes library or Kandi’s entire wardrobe, it is no contest. Back up the truck and take the wardrobe away. My life is my collection of music. It is what I live and breathe and yes, I have less than zero musical ability.

Secondly, my writing was read by an esteemed career writer and well-known broadcaster! If I could be granted one single wish in life, it would be to be to make a living as a writer. I get no greater lift than a well-crafted story. If you all knew how much time I spent on this post itself. Formatting, how it flows, how it visually looks, I spend an inordinate amount of time doing what I call “polishing the turd”. This is one fine turd, at least to me.

The Carole King photo was shown to me by Brandi personally on her phone well before it was posted for public viewing. If the Go-Go photo panned back a few feet, yours truly would be right next to Jane Wiedlin (purple hair). I shall die happy now…