One of our newest readers (I now have two!) is also now a friend (virtual, but it’s better than nothing). Grace read the post called “The Fragility of Connections” and posited this remarkable comment. It is essentially a guest post.
Grace, take the day away!
This is an older post, but not THAT old. And it’s new for me and stimulated my thought patterns.
Your post here Kandi will definitely not fit in the carry-on bins. Luggage of that size must be checked. It’s a big, bulky PITA. But I’m not afraid to help you unpack.🥰
I’ve been back active here in “Crossdresser-Land” for about a year and a half now. After a 25-30 year-ish hiatus. I’d say it’s the same as before, really the only difference being it’s way easier to meet girls like us. And that mostly is because of the internet. Interacting with girls you ain’t never gonna meet IRL. Due to the reality of geography mostly. And getting older and knowing what you like and what you don’t. And the sites you choose do have an impact on your attitude towards all of it. There’s trial and error involved. You may not get it right for awhile.
It’s really obvious to me that on these different but similar sites, there are a LOT of guys who enjoy looking at CDs – but aren’t necessarily “one of the girls” themselves. Lurkers. Randos. Or just guys who prefer a T-Girl of some sort. Which is fine, none of my biz. I don’t have to engage with them. There’s also a big percentage of people who claim to be “girls like us”. But don’t really seem to be “one of us” all that much. No pics. No comments. Watchers from the sidelines. Which could be due to personal circumstances, things beyond their control – if so, again fine, none of my biz.
Then there’s the ones you seem to “click” with. Like-minded ladies who you talk to by email and private messages. Girls you can relate to and have things in common with. For me, I’ve found that these are girls in my own age bracket. (A seasoned girl if you will.) And just when you think you’ve developed a nice back and forth and then BAM! They ghost you. Leaving you to wonder what you said that got them p-o’ed at you. I’ve had at least three recently that I’m aware of. I’ve realized I have to make allowances for that – as it comes with the quirkiness that’s involved with our particular pursuit. And not everyone seeks or can handle honest conversations. There is a LOT of delusion involved with the art of crossdressing. IMHO.
That said, I do believe that we all need a good “crossdresser confidante” we can be in cahoots with. I know I have at least one, but she is far, far away. I’m on the hunt for an in-person gal I can go drink coffee with on a regular basis. She’s there I know, we just haven’t crossed paths yet. So I’m grateful to at least have a friend I can bitch, piss and moan with across the pond. Like minded ladies we are. For starters, we’re both honest about liking crossdressers. We’re both hetero and married. To real women. We like the ladies. We don’t discriminate just because they happen to be guys doing their best to look like ladies. Some of them happen to do an excellent job! And the unexpected thing that happened with us, something I never thought about, is that now we’ve become sorta “bro-friends” as well. The more you share, the more possibility there is of that happening. We speak of our wives and personal lives. We discuss many topics. It goes beyond crossdressing with the right “girls”. I do believe that many girls like us would just prefer things to stay in the “girly realm.” Stray too far from that and they freak out and you get “ghosted”. They want to stay in fantasyland for the most part.
The other elephant in the room that I see is that many of us are in denial about certain aspects of our “hobby”. We like looking at crossdressers. Admiring them. Some of them are quite sexy. They inspire fantasies we didn’t even know we had. Many of us girls just can’t even admit that little thing! I want to say to some of them…hey chick! You’re on a tranny website. ( FYI, I use crossdresser and tranny interchangeably…) It’s fine that you’re heterosexual and happily married. You do know these are all guys dressed like girls, yeah???? (And of course they know that.) I’ve even shared these thoughts with my wife. Good looking is good looking, period. People like what they like. Doesn’t mean I’m going to “progress” in my journey as a crossdresser to doing anything untoward with any of my fellow sisters. At least certainly not in the present circumstances of me being happily married and crazy in love with my wife. Good grief! My fantasies are not my reality.
I really think that a lot of girls get all twitterpated with these type of thoughts in regard to their pursuits in all this. My wife and I had a robust convo with this post this am over yes, 3 cups of coffee🥰 I said – I think we girls are sometimes jealous of you girls and your “besties”. She agreed. She said: “You guys always think we’re lesbians. Because you’re GUYS. Guys don’t get it. We girls tell each other EVERYTHING. Things we don’t even tell our husbands. There’s a place for that stuff and it doesn’t break any of the rules of marriage.” My wife and I have always known that we cannot fulfill each others EVERY need in life. Nor do we want to!🤣 It’s an impossible task for one person. So there ya have it, the wisdom of a wise woman, who thankfully is my wife.🥰
Thank you Gracey!
Just my two cents: I get it. AI can make us look like something that is not reality. Yes, a fantasy. I have slightly dabbled, we all have. But to those of you that post picture after picture after picture generated by AI, not at all representing what humans look like, STOP! If you want others to see the real you, then be the real you. If you want to be some avatar, then go off into your own world and I’ll stop supporting you. That’s all virtual reality, nothing I give a rat’s behind about. Put the effort into being better, into changing that one mind at a time. If you want internet gawkers, have at it. You are not a real person. Had to get that off my chest, my real chest…
Lastly: Inspired by a recent Femulate post, I would like to write a post about our favorite things. I want it to be from our community, not just me. So if you would indulge me, send to me, through the Contact page, a few things that bring you great joy. I want specific things, not just that you love dressing. For example, I love digging into my purse for my wallet or I love when a gentleman holds the door open for me. Things like that. If I get enough feedback, we’ll write it up for a future conversation. Thanks ladies!
2 Responses
That was a thought provoking post and underlines the fragility of our world. I’ve moved on from several friendships over the years after realising that the thing that brought us together – crossing the gender divide – is the only thing we have in common. Worse still is the realisation that, as the ‘friendship’ develops, viewpoints on issues (particularly trans issues) are so far apart that each’s views cross the boundaries of acceptability as far as the other is concerned. Once the pink fog has cleared, it’s usually not hard to identify those who we would not want to be friends with in our normal world.
Online friendships are also fragile by nature. Three years ago, when I accidentally outed myself and my wife agreed to DADT, I immediately closed my Flickr account because of her concerns about photos being in the public domain. A couple of clicks and, as far as the Flickrsphere was concerned, I ceased to exist.
But who can blame guys for being interested in us? A look around the outside world is all it takes to realise that we’re far better put together than at least 95% of women out there!
I need to get me one of those “Grace” mugs like the pic KR.☺️
First, thx for the kudos and the featuring of my comment to you as a “center stage” post of its own. One of the things I appreciate about your site IS the “authenticity” of it. It doesn’t take a genius to realize you and your “girl posse” on here are serious players. I could tell right away in fact. One of the things I’ve disliked in my return to the fold has been having to siphon through all the bs to get to the good stuff. It can get tedious. I don’t need to read any more threads about the favorite color of one’s panties…(as important as that is😜).
I love lively conversations. With many viewpoints. I had a career in sales for 40+ years IRL. I was a good seller and I was also someone who could be sold. But only with sound reasoning. The variety of this crossdressing world is what appeals most to me, whether I participate or not. I’m just a little part in it and glad to be here. It is like an onion, with many layers and nuances. And fortunately I do love onions, both figuratively and literally.
Amanda, loved your comment as I usually do. Yes, crossdressing is a fragile world. Just like the rest of the world. I’ve often found different hobbies and interests that brought me together with new people. It’s exciting when you “click” with somebody in a shared pursuit. It’s when you expand beyond those walls when you start to think, yeah, this hobby of ours is going to be our only commonality. Aside from that, this person is a lunatic!🫣 Let the “ghosting” begin.
Having been ghosted at least 3 times I’m aware of – I’ve learned to appreciate it. I’ve decided it’s a positive thing to be ghosted. Saves both of us from wasting any more of each other’s time. Personally I’ve ghosted girls too. However I do like to be a bit more polite. The last one I did was to simply reply to the girl this: “Your last message contained things that are way out of my comfort zone to discuss. It’s been nice chatting with you.” And that was the end of that. She obviously got the message. “No message at all ghosting” – has its place. But if possible, I prefer to just give a short “c-ya later” type of response.
I was on Flick’r when I first came back into to the fold. Got off after a month though…it was just too much. I searched for and found other sites that were more my speed. Went back on Flick’r after researching the more technical parts of it. To make it more the way it can work for me. Now I’m back on there – but with no public pics. Not yet anyway.. I realized that some of the girls I knew from other sites had fairly large Flick’r presences. And the honest truth is I like to look at attractive crossdressers who are at least trying to look ladylike. Many girls are quite adept at it too. It’s a nice little collection of “eye candy” when the mood strikes. For those fantasies that some of us girls have that contain a modicum of “reverse-heterosexuality” in them.😜
So far so good on Flick’r. “Friends only” can see my pics. I like to show off a bit while I still can. Innuendo and suggestiveness is what I find sexy. My friends on there seem to be regular pic posters too, so they are active participants. I have had friends on other sites where I just want to ask them…”girl, do you ever dress up?” Isn’t this a vanity project for the majority of us divas here? But as always -to each their own. I love what Kandi and you other girls are trying to accomplish here, as far as bringing crossdressing more out in the open. Convincing the public we’re not deranged maniacs, one appearance at a time. Attempting to change viewpoints of the general public. Personally I don’t see a time ever, where crossdressing as a hobby isn’t “weird”. I think it’s part of the reason it appeals to me. When everyone else is doing the same thing – I like to do different. I’m a natural contrarian. Until I’m not.🥰