In a world where transphobia, ignorance, and hostility lurk everywhere—online, in politics, and daily life—it’s tempting to fight fire with fire.
But here’s a reminder: Don’t become that which you hate.
As a transgender person, I’ve felt the sting of discrimination. Misgendering erodes your sense of self. Hateful comments question your existence. Systemic barriers make authentic living an uphill battle.
In those moments of pain, it’s easy to lash out. We mirror the bitterness back—generalizing groups as inherently transphobic, or hurling venom at trolls.
I’ve seen this in our community too. We rail against bigots’ exclusion, yet gatekeep others as “not trans enough” based on appearance, transition, or identity.
We despise misinformation spreaders, but sometimes twist facts in debates. This hypocrisy doesn’t empower us—it drags us into the same toxicity, leaving us exhausted and divided.
What if we chose differently? Let’s rise above.
Respond with education and empathy, even when exhausting. The burden shouldn’t fall on us, but it often does.
Share stories vulnerably to build bridges, not walls. Live authentically and kindly. Embrace all trans experiences without judgment.
Our strength is in resilience, not retaliation. Transform pain into advocacy that uplifts everyone.
Have patient talks with allies. Support trans youth compassionately. Amplify marginalized voices, like trans people of color or non-binary folks.
True change comes from anchoring to our values. Honor humanity—for ourselves and others. This protects our well-being and creates positive ripples.
For me, this isn’t theory. I’ve slipped up, let anger cloud judgment, then reflected and recommitted. It’s ongoing, but worth it.
What about you? If you’re trans, non-binary, genderqueer, or an ally, have you teetered on that edge? Or risen above with impact? Share below—your experiences matter. Let’s discuss kindly. 💙
Dr. Gwen Patrone
One Response
Gwen, your recent run of posts have been your best ever and this one was no exception.
You’re spot on with what you say but I would take things a stage further. Whilst transphobia exists, we’ve now extended the definition to cover any opinion that differs to ours. We interpret any pushback as hostility and see ignorance as an opportunity to indoctrinate, not educate. We rightly make our voices heard when others threaten us with abuse, harm or even death and yet happily issue threats of ‘cancellation’ or even death to those who voice their concerns.
‘But that’s only a tiny radical minority of our community and not me’ we protest but how many of us ever speak out against it, even under the cloak of anonymity that an internet alias affords us? We’re more likely to use that anonymity to unleash a torrent of abuse against the very sector of society we aspire to be a part of – women – by referring to any we disagree with as a bigot, transphobe or TERF. I’m sure that JK Rowling, Kellie-Jay Keen (aka Posie Parker) et al are unmoved by the insults but how many other women see the abuse hurled their way and form negative views of us as a result?
And you have rightly highlighted the ‘holier than thou’ attitiude from within. Every time I step out into the world, I have two aims; the first is to be the best I can possibly be and show respect to women in the way I present and behave in their company. And the second is to be the best possible ambassador to our community. That should be all that matters to others within the community and yet, more than once, others have sought to pass negative judgement on my ‘transgender’ status (or lack thereof) because I’ve used the ‘wrong’ words, don’t intend or need to transition or hold opinions that straddle what is an increasing divide between those within the community and the rest of society.
I wish I could say that I don’t care what others think but the truth is that I do, particularly when that judgement comes from within. It makes me seriously question whether I belong or whether i’m just a ‘pretender’ for want of a better word. And yet when I step into the outside world, I have no such concerns. Those who have every right to hold different views to mine show me respect, love and acceptance, things not always present in a community where we should speak as one.
Thank you once again for being prepared to speak out on these issues.