My ongoing musings about music. As I began young adulthood, after having graduated from college, music still was a tentpole in my life. Then the 80’s really took root, the absolute worst decade of music in my life. Outside of Bon Jovi, name an iconic 80’s band that really sustained (and f’ hair bands and Def Leppard were a late 70’s band). Two that are were U2 and REM. I was not big fans of either early on. Yeah, loved New Year’s Day off the War album and many of the early REM hits, but no real emotional connection. Right about the Joshua Tree album, I gave up on music, it sucked. Then Achtung Baby, famously an album where even U2 sort of had the same feeling as me about music as they were determined to reinvent themselves.
I was employed in an actual professional career, working for a bank at the time. Someone at work offered me a ticket to see the Zoo TV tour at the old Richfield Coliseum, in a loge. Of course, I accepted, it was a loge (free food, drinks, etc.). Again, I was not a U2 fan at the time, so I mostly watched March Madness in the loge on the TV. Fast forward to One, the first single off the album and I was hooked. I quickly obtained (via the library) all the U2 catalog and fostered a lifelong love of this band. I was able to see this band twice, this time where I stupidly did not pay much attention and later on a greatest hits tour.
Once my passion for music was reignited, the 90’s kicked into full force and my love of grunge, Stone Temple Pilots, Nirvana, Alice in Chans, Dave Matthews, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Collective Soul and on and on made this easily the second-best musical decade of my life. It also shifted how I consume music. I was always sort of loyal to bands, but now my mind opened up to music in general. A song, a different genre, an interesting way to do something. Yeah, I was also maturing as a human being.
I had the same eye-opening experience with REM and their phenomenal Monster album. Knew them, didn’t follow them and then boom! They quickly followed that up with New Adventures in Hi Fi and I bled REM. Sadly, for me, I never got to see them live and never will have that chance.
What does this have to do with the subject of our community here? Much like that day in Detroit in early 2015, the light bulb went on, and a lifelong passion was born. And more importantly, my eyes were opened to adaptation. My generation was a product of the prior generation. Doing things outside the box did not come naturally. Achtung Baby, Monster, Detroit years later, made me understand there should not be a box. That does not mean that while moving outside that box, you can shit on what a society is. Stop demanding pronouns, earn them. Stop pushing microwaved societal changes and understand that slow cooker is necessary.
“Achtung”, caution, look out! “Monster”, what I created in Kandi.
February 26, 2026, awake since 10:00PM the day prior, coming off a 10-hour grueling drive in western Pennsylvania, it was time to be happy! Plexus held their first networking event of the new year, and I needed to get my girl on! What you see here is the benefit of having all the time in the world, a gorgeous sunny day (albeit very cold) and a cute dress, which now sitting in our donation bin. But she gave her all this day…
What to do with about an hour and a half of dead time? My hair game, as you all can see, sucks. I decided to head across town to go wig shopping. I don’t shop for wigs like many of you do, at an overpriced wig salon or online. I go to many beauty supply stores. There, I am in the very, very significant racial minority. And there, it does not matter. Unbeknownst to me, when I got there, wigs were all 50% off. It was as if every African American woman was sent an alert, come here! So, while (I am not bullshitting here), many women were filling shopping baskets full of wigs. I picked up two, which you may or may not see here soon…
Then I hit Luxe, the restaurant which hosted our Very Sherry Christmas. Needless to say, a tasty cocktail was had and people there remembered me and were nothing but sweet.
I won’t bore you all to tears (my memory fails me as I finally wrote this a bit after it happened), this evening was remarkable. Love from known friends. Newbies there, I welcomed them and helped make them feel comfortable. One life affirming conversation after another happened. I figured I would get dressed, putz around, stop by and head home, feeling good about finally getting Kandi out. Being a person who is noticed (all in a good way), while having a much, much better experience than expected, it was awesome. You know when time is not running in your head? This was that night. Just joyful. Thank you, Plexus!
A candid photo of yours truly at the event.
I realized something I have always known, but this was an intuitive revelation to me. As I drove to start my outing, I found myself naturally smiling. Not posing, not smiling at someone or something, not a smile in recognition of something amusing, smiling because I was happy. At my core, I was happy. I am happy. Yes, I talk reality here, the good, the bad and the ugly of what we all call life.
I do not want this place to be fantasy land; I want this to be a communal site grounded in reality. It is and we are. Thank you all for that, I will forever be deeply grateful for your love, support and most importantly, participation.
6 Responses
‘Stop demanding pronouns, earn them.’
Those five words are good enough for a post on their own – it’d probably be the shortest ever post here but one of the all time greats as far as its message is concerned.
Fell in love with R.E.M. in 1984, listening to a college radio station from Colorado State University in my VW Campervan in Rocky Mountain National Park. Heard “Radio Free Europe” from Murmur and that was it. Still my favorite band all these years later.
Kandi ,
Being slighlty older I grew up with the start of the Beatles , Rolling Stones and the like . I didn’t earn very much in those days but if I’d heard a track I liked I’d go to the music shop and buy the album , some were good and some were crap . Then there was a huge gap , when I married because we didn’t share the same taste in music , my albums often went months before I could sneak another listen . I still have all those albums and I kept a decent vinyl turntable . Records are like opening a picture book full of memories , where was I when I first heard the Moody Blues singing Nights in White Satin , the early Elton John records were probably some of his best . I have a huge hole in my music knowledge but I do appreciate now being taught in music classes at school the parts of the orchetra and the sound of each instrument because I now enjoy classical music so much .
As for wig shopping , I do shop around and found a good online supplier here in the UK , I don’t play around with different styles , I’ve built my identity around one style and colour , being recognised clearly as Terri or Teresa is so important . My basic needs are hiding my ears ( which I hate ) and not showing too much forehead , men tend to have longer faces than women so I look for a style and colour that makes my face look rounder and softer . I always take two on holiday in case I have to wash one or god forbid lose one ( not happened yet !!! ) . I did wonder what the cabin steward thought on my cruise seeing a spare wig on it’s stand but women also wear wigs so perhaps it was no big deal , he always gave me a lovely smile and a pleasant ” Good morning ” in the corridor .
I grew up with Dick Clark’s American Bandstand, 45’s records that cost 95 cents, the Beatles on Ed Sullivan, Cousin Brucie on the radio. Etc
Music was something important.Riding in the car and listening to the Beach Boys as we drove to the beach.
Music was great to hear when I wa was in Vietnam 67/68. Saw the Bob Hope show there Christmas day.
Kandi, your shirt dress is great, simple and stylish. I wouldn’t have thought to tie the sash belt off-center, it elevates the look.
Even though I’m a few years younger than you, I have always preferred the music of the 70’s. Eagles, Pink Floyd, Queen, Bad Company, and many other bands filled my young head. I didn’t find many 80’s bands as interesting (except maybe U2) and grunge was a complete turn-off in the 90’s. Guess I’m just an old soul.
Your comment about finding yourself naturally smiling hit a chord with me. Pictures of me in drab, especially group photos, rarely find me smiling. However, I can’t count the times that I realize that I’m grinning with happiness when I am dressed en-femme, and out in the wild. It just feels so good, and feels so right.