Okay, it was an e-mail and I edited out her name for privacy purposes.
Hello Kandi (that’s me!),
Like Gwen (referencing a recent post of hers) and the incident of being verbally abused from a passing carload of ignorance, I have had the opposite reaction from a few lovely people.
Yesterday evening I visited the theatre to watch the ELVIS movie. These are now a weekly thing and like many other theatre goers I have a particular seat which I believe is the ‘sweet spot’ for watching a movie. My friend Helen and I had booked the tickets and seats, unfortunately she was unable to attend so I went on my own.
The movie was showing on one of the smaller screens in the multiplex and it was very busy, but with Helen’s seat vacant I would have nobody sitting to my right. The usual selection of previews for upcoming movies seemed longer than usual and it was in this time of boredom that I noticed a couple searching for seats together, much to the hushed tut tutting of a few of the other patrons. It was then that in the semi darkness I gingerly left my seat and walked down the aisle towards them. If they were concerned by the vision of me walking towards them they did not show it on their faces 😁
I explained that I was willing to move from my seat and that a friend had not been able to go and there were two seats together. If they read me then they were polite enough not to show it and the transaction was done and I took a vacant seat nearby.
The movie ended. I left with the general crowd and outside I decided to visit my regular bar nearby. Maureen, my favourite waitress greeted me with a hug and I seated myself away from the jostling patrons at the main bar.
Sitting there in a world of my own I heard ” Hello, are you the lady who gave up the seats for us?” I replied that I had indeed and I looked into the eyes of a handsome young man of around 25 years old, he then beckoned to someone and a very pretty young woman of the same age appeared by his side.
They explained that it was their first evening out together since the birth of their baby three months ago and if not for my kindness the evening for them would have been ruined. The woman and I complimented each other on our dresses and they bought me another drink. After a bit of conversation they returned to their table and Maureen returned to chat.
My Uber arrived and I could see the new parents in conversation, as I passed their table she paused the conversation and rose to her feet and gave me a lovely hug, whispering that they had had a wonderful evening and that I looked amazing.
If only others were as kind and not judgemental.
I apologise Kandi for my rambling, but I wished to share this with you.
From our dear Jocelyn:
Good Vibrations vs Bits and Bytes
Friends are an absolute necessity for a person’s emotional well-being. I don’t think anyone would argue with that premise.
We share our experiences with friends. Friends help us out when we are emotionally down, and they celebrate with us during our successes. A good friend provides wise counsel and when needed a “shoulder to cry on”.
As Jocelyn, I have some friends. But I only had one friend who I saw face-to-face. When we talked, sitting on a park bench, my vocal chords vibrated sound waves which landed on my friend’s ear drums and she understood my thoughts. And her vocal vibrations landed on my ear drums. These are good vibrations.
We saw the look in each other’s eyes, and noticed the smile, or frown, on each other’s mouths. Light wave vibrations passed between us. These are good vibrations.
I have other friends who I have never met face-to-face. I receive and send computer generated ones and zeroes assembled in bits and bytes that relay words or pictures. These ones and zeroes could be fabricated by any computer (AI) or by anyone, not necessarily who they say they are. The bits and bytes pass through computers, microchips, copper wire, microwaves and modems. Are the words and images my eyes receive on my computer screen from a person that actually exists?
My “online friends” have meant a great deal to me. They are precious. A couple of them have provided excellent counsel and comfort to me in times of need. I don’t know what I would be like without them.
I also believe I have been a good friend to people whom I have never physically met.
But, I really wish I had “face-to-face” friends. As an older person I cherish the actual look and touch of someone sending me the “good vibrations”.
How lucky am I that wonderful ladies like this share their experiences with me and allow me to share them with you!!
This past Saturday, I attended my second movie premier, Grace and Mercy!
My third movie, White Noise, coming soon to Netflix! See the official trailer here!
Whilst we can never completely eradicate hate, it’s becoming increasingly evident that acceptance is far more widespread than some sectors of society would have us believe and Anonymous Lady’s experience underlines that. But perhaps we overthink everything. Because we’re on a trans themed blog site, we see this as a trans woman approaching a couple, not knowing what sort of reaction she’ll get to her offer. Will there then be an ‘is she or isn’t she’ whispered conversation? Will they recoil in horror when they realise and so on? But look at it in a different way and we just see the sort of considerate act that is unremarkable except for its kindness. Because what was important here was the gesture, not the chromosomes of the person making the offer. Maybe the couple didn’t realise AL’s trans status because, after all, women come in all shapes and sizes and most of us have got better things to do than scrutinise everyone that comes our way. But, actually, let’s hope they did because given the reception that AL got, they’re bound to have gone on to tell all of their friends about the encounter and, in the process, spread more positivity about the cause than any number of activists with their fake narratives could ever hope to do.
I would speak for my friend here, only me. I don’t even think of myself as trans when out in the world. I am a nice person and someone worth knowing. That has been proven time after time and is simply how it really is out there. Yes, we do overthink things. I was there myself t one time, but no more!
I concur with you Kandi.
When I am out expressing my female self I am just me. I don’t really feel any different in the world whether I am wearing a skirt or man jeans. I’m a human being, that’s it.
Jocelyn, a great post and I’m proud to call you a friend.
We should never underestimate the importance of friendships in the online world. They allow this side of our personality to persist & flourish when circumstances would otherwise prevent it and, as you quite rightly say, are essential for our emotional wellbeing.
Your question – Are the words and images my eyes receive on my computer screen from a person that actually exists? – is an interesting one. We could walk past each other in the street and not recognise each other because our real life identity is very different from our online one. Some would even say that signing my messages ‘Amanda’ is fraudulent as it’s an identity I’ve created for myself to enable me to function in a like-minded online community. But suppose I left my message unsigned, what then? It’s actually a game changer because everything else I write is independent of how I happen to be presenting when I write it. Some could say that the little photographic avatar that appears alongside my responses is fraudulent because I don’t normally look like that but the counterargument is that it’s a genuine representation of what I looked like one day in September last year and it also embodies my values and beliefs. So the bottom line is that whilst my real life persona may be markedly different to the eyeliner-loving, stiletto-wearing person you recognise from here, under that veneer I’m one person regardless of how I happen to be representing myself, whether through clothes & makeup or just in the written word.
And your point about how precious online friendships are serves as a great reminder to all of us that our online connections are a two way thing, not just something something that’s solely ours to call on when we feel like it. Of course, fate can intervene and cause our sudden disappearance without trace but, otherwise, those online friendships have to be treated in exactly the same ways as our ‘real life’ friendships.
Like you, I’d be a very different person without the friendships I’ve made here and elsewhere and I never fail to be touched by the unconditional support I have received from you, Kandi and others like you.
When I get an email and the computer tells me it is from Amanda I am so happy. My friend is going to be sharing something with me. I anxiously read your sentiments and inwardly I am delighted that someone cares enough about me to explain their intimate thoughts; good or bad. And my inner peace at being able to respond to my friend with my thoughts.
True friends, no matter how they first meet, are to be cherished.
A big thank you to Kandi who has introduced me to many real friends.
Thank you for the nice stories! There is so much phobia, hate and negativity these days, it’s great to read something good!!
Thanks Kay! I have another great story like these that I have to write up and post soon!
I think I need to write an essay on hugs. I believe a hug is the ultimate statement of acceptance. I will add that Anonymous deserved that hug; not only did she act kindly, but she also spoke loudly for us all when she did. You try to be kind, I try to be kind, Anonymous tries to be kind — we are just regular folks doing our thing world, so why not cut us some slack?!
I actually wrote one on the old blog. Let me see if I can find it!