Why Rock The Boat?

Teresa recently asked a valid question in a comment on the rerun of “The Angel Known as My Wife” post:

One question, have you ever approached the subject of being out as Kandi with her?

My immediate response:

Teresa, I would rather give up Kandi forever than go out with my wife as girlfriends. I have no interest at all in doing that for many, many reasons. The biggest being I am her male husband, not her girlfriend. Of all the uncertainties associated with all of this for me, that is one rock solid certainty. You are far from the first person to pose that question.

Let’s dive a little deeper into the subject. As you read this, this is MY experience, these are MY feelings, this is MY relationship with MY spouse. And as a reminder, transitioning is never going to happen, I would never even consider doing it. Yes, Kandi gives me great joy. But I am also very happy in my own male day-to-day skin. No reason to burn that part of my life down. And without going on and on about this point, I have endured a lot of difficulties in my life. I am not signing up for another difficult process and it is undeniable, transitioning is a difficult process. Necessary for many, but not easy nonetheless.

What I said above is reason no. 1. I have discussed here my pecking order, that has allowed me to manage my life, maintain some level of sanity and feed the two sides of me, my male and female sides. I am always my wife’s male husband, our children’s male father. I am always a male friend to all of my pre-Kandi friends (many lifelong friends, I am blessed with more than an estimated 15 friends I have know for over 50 years that I regularly see). I am (almost) always the male provider to our family, unless I can leverage Kandi to create revenue (which I have done occasionally, see yesterday’s post). I am a male athlete. No day is a day without a workout or competition of some type. The only days off that are generally because of work or family obligations. Choosing between, say a race and a Kandi outing, the race would win every time (except for the fact that I suck now being old and falling apart). And I am the only living male member of my birth family, caring as necessary for our mother and interacting with my sisters (three sisters, zero brothers, me the oldest and in traditional Catholic fashion, pumping out babies year after year, Mom had all four of us in four years).

Then there is a giant gap when finally Kandi comes in as a priority. You may wish to call BS on that since I get out frequently (or at least used to do so), but the previous frequency was circumstantial. Personal circumstances have dramatically shifted in my priorities. You may notice, there have been fewer and fewer Kandi outings of late.

Beyond the pecking order, there are additional reasons for this. My wife herself has never asked and I believe she would have no interest. I can go out all over the area almost at will and without any issues of being recognized. Place my wife into that equation and the possibility of my then being recognized goes up exponentially and therefore so does the possibility that my wife gets embarrassed. Embarrassed is probably not a good word, she would have to answer questions she should not have to answer. This is me, she did not sign up for this and the fact that from Day One it has not been a deal killer, why in the world would I risk that?

When I am Kandi out in public, I am different, I am Kandi. Being out with my wife, I would not be or act as Kandi, I would be her husband in a dress. I would never enjoy it, always worried about her comfort or if she is enjoying herself.

My wife and I rarely go out as husband and wife anymore. Not a bad thing (I think), more a result of the f’n pandemic (dramatically changing habits), COVID rendering my wife completely deaf in one ear. I now step up my cooking, which I enjoy. Plus (you can envy me on this) we get a 20% discount on our groceries (her work benefit), so I can cook up a huge treat for pennies on the dollar. Her work schedule sucks and leaves her frequently exhausted. She is much more of a homebody. I prefer going out and that has worked well for our marriage, approaching 40 years. Not only does she allow me to stretch my Kandi legs, I go to many concerts with friends, never an issue. She gives me latitude and I do what I can at home (I prepare most meals, putting effort into what we eat among other things) to make her life a bit easier.

So, now I hope you understand why I would never give this a second of consideration.

This is how I have survived so far, why Rock The Boat (…Don’t Tip The Boat Over, Hues Corporation, 1974, commonly known as the very first disco song, remember)?