By Dr. Patrone
Ever heard of the crossdresser paradox? It’s this intriguing mix of attraction, identity, and the allure of femininity. It reminds me of a few friends and, well, a bit of my own story too.
Take Alex, for instance. He was always enamored with the elegance and mystery of femininity. But for him, it wasn’t just about attraction. He often wondered, “What’s it like to be her, to hold that beauty and power?” I remember him sharing a story from his college days, dressed up for a party. He described it as stepping into a new skin, a part of him that was always there but never fully expressed. The way people responded to him, it was an eye-opener. For the first time, he felt the power of femininity from the inside.
Then there was Emily from my hometown. She started crossdressing in her teens, mostly in private. For her, it was about aligning her external appearance with who she felt she truly was inside. She once told me, “Seeing myself in the mirror, fully dressed, was like finally meeting the real me.”
You see, this paradox – the internal debate of ‘do I desire her or do I want to be her?’ – isn’t just their story. It’s mine too. Since my early teens, I’ve had these feelings, these urges. For decades, they’ve been a quiet undercurrent in my life, patient and persistent, always returning.
I used to struggle with these feelings, unsure of what they meant or what to do with them. But over time, I’ve learned to embrace them as a core part of my identity. Nowadays, I thoroughly enjoy being my female self. There’s a sense of completeness, a joy in that expression that I don’t quite find in my male self. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate and enjoy my male identity too, but there’s a special kind of fulfillment in embracing my femininity.
This paradox isn’t just a curious phenomenon; it’s a deeply personal journey. It’s about exploring and accepting the complexities of our desires and identities. For me, it’s been a path towards self-discovery and acceptance, realizing that it’s okay to be both, to enjoy being male and prefer being female. It’s an ongoing journey, one where I find myself constantly learning and growing, and most importantly, being true to who I am.
Dr. Gwen Patrone
4 Responses
This is something I’ve wrestled with a lot and touched on in my posts here from time to time. It often feels like the ‘Emily’ situation is acceptable for us whereas the ‘Alex’ situation where some form of attraction to oneself is involved is taboo. But given that most of us are heterosexual males, there’s perhaps an air of inevitability that we will transform ourselves in a way that we find attractive.
In the end, though, it doesn’t matter. We get one shot at life and if our happiness is driven by transforming ourselves into the women of our dreams and then liking what we see, that’s all that really matters.
Gwen ,
I feel you’ve touched on a fundamental difference between men and women , when a woman views herself in the mirror she is has the same thoughts that a transgender person has . The average man doesn’t have the same thoughts when he checks himself in the mirror . A woman is not only checking out how she looks in her selection of clothes she is also considering her makeup and hair , does she look good , does she look atractive , does it make her feel glamourous ? Women are more narcistic than men , the beauty and fashion industry rely on this fact .
It may be a paradox to a crossdresser but why ? It’s the same driving force for a transgender person , I don’t see it as a paradox , my brain is influenced more by my female side the difference is I’ve fully embraced it . It’s only natural my mirror is my friend ( most of the time !!) if I’m to face the world everyday as Teresa .
” I appreciate and enjoy my male identity too, but there’s a special kind of fulfillment in embracing my femininity.”
I would say for me, I “tolerate” my male identity but love and embrace my femininity. I think for many it comes down to how hard the dysphoria hits you. If you have lower levels it is easier to live in 2 worlds much like Kandi does here. I also have lower dysphoria but at the same time I feel my male identity is fraudulent. Like the Matrix movie once you “know” what the Matrix is, the fraudulence of it, you can’t unlearn that.
My male identity now is a tool that allows me to move around society in the shadows but it isn’t really me. Whatever I am wearing, I am still Christina. And hopefully in time, I can present more and more as Christina outside of the shadows of my home.
-Christina
Christina,
I’ve reached the stage where the male is a faint ghost , not even a shadow . In my everyday dealings and my various social groups they are unaware of the male core and that feels good . It does mean certain parts of my life have ceased to feature in my life , while it’s good to talk about my children and grandchildren my ex-wife has ceased to exist . I know some couldn’t live with that but she is part of my past that’s associated with me as a man and it’s now something I never talk about .