I went to 7-11 like this.
Fear is a fascinating topic for me. You overcome it by a sudden happening or desensitizing yourself through repetition. In effect, domesticating the fear.
I decided to do the all of a sudden. It leads to added confidence.
It was a calculated move, early in the morning. Leg me set the stage…
There’s an entire level or erotica only experienced by women called “Minimalist Clothing”. I thought, “What an interesting way for me to overcome fear.” I’ll do an experiment and see how it goes.
Minimalist dressing is where there’s a thin layer of clothing separating you and onlookers or when a dress is so tight that every nook and cranny can be seen or a dress that comes down only to your ass or crotch, so bending down is impossible.
Then add a low cut or deep vneck dress covering the nipples and not much else. It’s something men can’t experience as a woman does via physical and mental experience, but men can only experience in a visual sense by seeing. Which is a whole other tangent I’ll not get into here.
In Stoic philosophy, you experience things like my experiment, so you get to a point where you say, “Is that it?”, “Is that the worst that can happen?” OK, I’ll admit, it was thrilling as all get out!
I sat in the car for ten minutes fighting fear and anxiety then I made my move. Those pumping gas turned and looked. I got a few whistles too. I went inside and I felt a need for a break so I found the bathroom to take a breather and check my outfit to see if all was well. Check.
I headed out, walked up and down the isles, took a picture and left. I sat in my car and thought it was thrilling but also, not as bad as I expected.
The hardest part was getting out of the car. It’s always the first step that’s the hardest!
The next time I speak on stage, I’ll go back to my experience and think, “If I can do that, then I can certainly do this!”
Think about it it’ll change your life. What can you do to stop the fear holding you back?
5 Responses
Gwen,
In a recent reply to Kandi in reference to reading archives , it’s always good to take a second look , gosh did I really do that , did I really say that and most amusing /scary did I really wear that ???
I wonder if your experiment is something we all go through ? I must admit I played safe by dressing questionably at my trans meetings but saying that they were held in hotels where we were also on view to the public . I squeezed into tight bodycon dresses , I wore dresses where sitting down was difficult or amusing . So what was the effect , what did it achieve ? The reactions were more obvious , most women were thinking “tart ” , most men were thinking ” sex ” . Why did I do it ? Because I could at that time , I needed validation , I needed to know how far I could push the envelope . Did I enjoy it ? I guess it was fun but mostly I was frozen , I may have looked hot but I now get the message from other women about layering , I really appreciate layers now .
Fulltime does make a difference being out in public all the time , I’m not sure if blending is the right word because it suggest dressing down . Looking good is still important to me but getting it right is a learning curve , you really have to know yourself to understand what suits you but not stand out for the wrong reasons .
The bottom line is people have to trust you and feel comfortable in your company , that’s why I’m enjoying life so much now .
Thank you Gwen for a provocative post.
Teresa, I loved your comment, especially your “bottom line.” Better to see that type of bottom line than have others see yours! Lisa
ps Teresa, you get a shout out from me in an upcoming highly personal post.
Lisa,
It took me a while to realise how important that trust is possibly more so with close family , knowing and seeing you are the first stepping stones but actually going out and about with them is the next big step . My daughter by far the most supportive but I was surprised at my sister in law being OK with meeting me for coffee and my mother reaaly appears to enjoy the outings . Without that trust and being comfortable I know they wouldn’t do it . As for those outside my family consistency is important to gain their trust , very few are aware of my transgender background so they have to see an acceptable female . I must admit I was hoping it would happen but never expected on the scale it has , each of my art groups has over 20 people and my NT group is usually around 40 , now a slimming group is sharing our art facilty so the numbers have now doubled . That’s well over 100 people , I know it falls short of Kandi in her outings but it still feels good to be part of their community .
Thank you Gwen for an eye catching post. The feelings of anxiety while sitting in the car, coupled with difficulty breathing while walking about remind me of my one and only experience in public. While my outfit wasn’t quite as minimalist as yours, it was revealing and hard to be ignored. Clearly my intention to blend in was at odds with my wardrobe selection. And while fear was front and center, in hindsight it wasn’t as hard as I thought. And like you said, “If I can do that, then I can certainly” . . . do what I want to try next.
Megan
I from time to time question my motives for going out in public, whether some element of exhibitionism involved. I am going out inappropriately dressed or exposed, but I wonder if I should be concerned that, at least to some extent, I am motivated by the the excitement of stepping out and being seen.
You might think that any inherent thrill might be gone after nearly a decade and a half of as a woman in public out, but if I am honest with myself, each time I step out my front door and into the world, I still get a little dopamine boost.