You’re Never Alone With A Schizophrenic

This 1979 album, the year I graduated from high school and went to college, is still one of my favorites. Ian was the lead singer for the great Mott the Hoople (“All the Way to Memphis”, “All the Young Dudes” written by David Bowie). This album was perfect from needle down, turn over, then needle up. “Cleveland Rocks”, the original version, was on it as well as “Ships”, later a big hit for Barry Manilow. The title also perfectly describes my life.

We had both of our children home for the holidays, along with a spouse and our grandson. I can honestly say, while with him, Kandi never even crossed my mind. I missed nothing from my alter ego. Then he went home and it all came rushing back. I spent a day alone (my wife had to work), planning girl activities and outfits and getting myself femininized (shaving, toenails, etc…). Back in my preferred undergarments (although I own no male underwear, none). Back in some casual girl wear as I cleaned up my closets, reorganized my jewelry, laid out a few outfits for upcoming events and networked for a few very public opportunities to get dressed and out.

Grandpa…Dad…Husband…Truck driver…Aspiring athlete…Son…

Kandi…up my game…how can I experience something I have not experienced before…

I have written about it often in the past. As I progress through the holidays, I always, and I do mean always, come out the other end seeking hyper-feminine opportunities. You have seen a bit of this recently with my revisiting last year’s boudoir shoot. It’s happened year after year.

This week was my first week with the new Amazon-related job. This week was the beginning of the creation of a more stress-free life for me and the beginning of more free time (the extra work time happens overnight, trading sleep for revenue). This is literally the first regular paycheck I have drawn since 2004. I have been in revenue generation mode ever since.

Two months into my new workout regimen, I am thrilled. Now slowly moving away from opportunities to drink, I am happy. I never drink when I shouldn’t (like when I have to work), only to kill dead time and to get out dressed when I have nothing else to do. The busier I am, the less I drink. The less I drink (no shit, Sherlock), the healthier I am. The less I drink, the thinner I am. The thinner I am, the more I revel in being a woman, taking greater fashion chances, shorter skirts, less body coverage. My goal, beside a return to unicorn status, is getting back to 155 lbs. and a killer beach body. My dream is a 50-hour work week, capped with a Friday afternoon killing a bikini. A girl can dream, can’t she?

I have always been a “to do” list person. During my “sabbatical” (2010-2011), that mentality was a life saver, but it also never left me. Four things that time period ingrained in me. One, this “to do” mentality. Routine was critical to sanity. There is rarely a day where I do not make a written to do list, checking accomplishments off as they are completed. Two, taking everything one single day at a time. Never allowing anything to swallow me whole. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. How do you get through something? One day at a time, one step at a time. That mentality will land me back in Boston. The third thing, I crave silence. To this day, once my wife (who is never without a TV on) leaves the house, I shut it all off. I have spent many days in total silence, and it is a gift. I have been now doing these 10-hour early morning shifts, driving from town to town, in total silence. Finally, I never lost the perspective being removed from my life gave me. Life, love, family, grace, gratitude, being me. All gifts. I have to say, I became a writer in that time as well and that, more so than anything else you see here outside of loved ones, is my greatest passion. And as we know that skill and $5 won’t cover a mocha latte at Starbucks.

January 2, 2026, the first outing of the year. Last year, I know this because I take and catalog photos, there were 109 such outings. It also represented my first “I don’t give a f$@k” Friday. Worked my tail off and now a day to be me, take care of the grocery shopping, run some errands and do it in a cute, albeit slightly upscale for the day, but blendy, outfit. I have to say, grocery shopping is a delight. I was looking for a certain beer and the gentleman working that department could not have been kinder to me. He was helpful, pleasant, honestly a better person that I would have been if I had encountered a sister in the wild and I were not this way. I certainly would not be rude, but it would have me probably a bit timid, unsure. It is always remarkable to me how matter of fact my interactions are.

No great story, but a lovely day.