The power of our answers depends on the quality of our questions and the willingness to answer honestly.
In today’s polarized world, is it possible for two truths to exist on the same issue?
Take something simple: a carpet. Some see it as decor, others see it as a place to walk on, and some see it as a space to worship. Who’s wrong?
Or a box—big or small? It depends. Compared to what? The bathroom, the dining room, or the ballroom?
Perspective shapes everything.
So why does one perspective have to invalidate another?
Can’t your truth and mine both be valid, shaped by our lived experiences?
What if instead of fighting to be right, we focus on getting in a room to actually talk it out?
Isn’t that what’s missing?
The space where we both can be heard and work towards a solution without anyone feeling silenced or oppressed. Without the yelling, insults and accusations flying in both directions? These just serve to drive us farther apart and place stronger barriers between us.
Let’s aim for understanding, not division. It’s the only way to move forward as a cohesive people.
Dr. Gwen Patrone
#PerspectiveMatters #LetsTalk
6 Responses
Hi Dr. Patrone. Thank you for your thoughts.
May I share my own?
For some things discussion and agreement is an acceptable approach. But truth is absolute. What is decided by consensus is not truth, though that doesn’t inherently make that decision wrong.
Using your examples, the carpet – many uses, all valid, but the accepted concept of what carpet actually is comes from a consensus perhaps formed over a long time.
One does not say that a 4′ x 8′ piece of 5/8″ marine grade plywood is carpet. By detailing the plywood as above, absolutes (truth) are stated about it. And those absolutes are essential if indeed the material for the project must be that size, thickness and grade of plywood. No amount of discussion or consensus can turn that plywood into what we understand by general agreement over time and culture as carpet.
Box sizes can vary widely, but if the box’s geometric shape is included everyone discussing the size know they are discussing a square box or a rectangle box or a round box or a triangle box. We immediately know the shape because those geometric figures are truths that are absolute.
Truth is absolute. Decision & agreement from discussion and consensus is nice, but it is arbitrary and inevitably is limited by the
parameters of absolute truth.
Gwen,
To be totally truthful I don’t think my agony will end with the two versions of the truth , the big fly in the ointment is my ex-wife , she knows exactly how to blackmail me with my children and grandchildren . Am I a coward ? The truth in this case is some people thrive on insults and accusations , the problem is they are control freaks . In one heated telephone exchange I pointed out that my gender issues weren’t the problem , the fact is she had lost control of me ! With that she said , ” you’re ******* right and slammed the phone down .
Sometimes we need to stand back and consider the truth question is only part of the equation , jealousy , envy , loss of control , perhaps heartache can give distorted versions of the truth , we have to accept we may never resolve them. As humans we have to accept the damage has been done , the one truth we need to accept is we have to move on , sometimes mediation is a lost cause .
Gwen,
Both of your current commentators (Charlene and Teresa) have made good points. Charlene correctly points out that there are absolute truths based on scientific facts. Some people simply ignore the science. As humans, we may be tempted to ignore the truth. We are also tempted to engage with the truth and associated facts in different ways. To use Teresa‘s situation and ex-wife as an example, the truth is that Teresa has transitioned. That is a fact. Teresa‘s ex-wife doesn’t like that fact, and so she continually pushes back against Teresa’s truth because she doesn’t believe Teresa ever really transitioned or could transition or should have transitioned against the ex-wife’s wishes. The ex-wife’s attitudes about the fact of is what causes the continued discord. We see that divergence occur in the public space. Whether someone is a good leader is a definite opinion. The current inflation rate or the current rate of crime, or whether Hamas attacked Israel, are all facts. But how we interpret those facts and inform our opinions to create our individual narratives is what has created distance between us.
Where I will violently AGREE with you is that we should be listening to one another. To use the example of a married couple with one member having partially or fully transitioned, whatever the difficulties that has caused between them, ideally they each would be willing to sit down and listen to the other person‘s story. Listening is how understanding begins. We all have a right to form the narrative of our lives and to direct it in the way we see fit.
Yet anyone In a difficult relationship can attest to the fact that storytelling won’t help If only one person is listening or if the story one is telling oneself is based on faulty assumptions, which one is not willing to challenge.
Thank you for writing an important and thoughtful post.
Lisa
Lisa,
Obviously there is so much more to my story but taking up your point of trying to mend bridges I’ve repeatedly tried to reconcile the situation for the sake of our children and grandchildren . She could try being adult about the situation and meet me occasionally for coffee but so far it’s fallen on deaf ears . Her lack of accepting the truth is damaging to too many people , her version of the truth retains the control over them , I know she won’t give that up lightly .
Being transgender doesn’t make me a bad person , I must thank for your kind words .
Teresa,
It sounds like the penultimate paragraph applies in your situation. Thankfully, the one before applies to mine. I understand the difficulties you face due to an unrelated problem I have with a family member, so you have my sympathy!
Lisa
Lisa,
Sometimes I feel my dressing situation was the excuse she was looking for ( the staw that broke the camel’s back ) , we have to accept a marriage isn’t always for ever despite the vows we take . I really hadn’t realised how much my life was being controlled until our separation , the guilt I felt was used almost as a weapon against me . If a marriage reaches the point of one party always having to compromise then it eventually it’s going to fail . I read other stories where they are working hard to retain their marriage , OK I’m a little cynical in hindsight but I do question if the compromises they are making are worth the pain of denying their own long term needs . It’s not selfish but for a marriage to work both sides should compromise if they truly love each other , a marriage should be an equal partnership not a dictatorship .
Being transgender is not a crime that needs to be punished , I accept not all can fully take it on board but they should be respected for their honesty in coming to terms with it and allowed to live a normal life , I’m still not 100% there and probably never will be .