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What I Seek

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By Cristy Garcia

Each of us has his own approach to how he performs crossdressing (Note that I use the masculine pronouns because, as usual, I am sharing my opinion as a heterosexual crossdresser). Yes, I am a hetero CD and that will never change. Why? Because that is how I was born and how I will die. To me, presenting as a woman is an art that I try to perform as realistically as possible, within my limitations and capabilities. Now, being more able and less limited has no drastic implications in our approach; and by approach, I mean the way we perceive and portray femininity.

I have previously shared that when I began to dress in a more complete fashion, in my mid-teens, my approach was to emulate women that, as a man, I found provocative in a sexual way. I guess that we all go through that stage in which we think that women dress to attract men and not to please themselves and feel good. That stage did not last long, and I began to pay more attention to how regular women dressed, modifying my approach accordingly. We must understand that 99% of the women out there are not dressing to look appealing to men but to be admired and even envied by other women, while feeling good in their own skin.

What I have sought for the past 40 years is to emulate regular women near my age; women who are fashionable without exaggeration and who dress for themselves and not to draw men’s attention. Is that the right approach? I don’t know but it is mine and I feel comfortable with it. Even though I have worn tight minis with hose in the past, I have tried to do it in a fashionable and classy manner and not in a vulgar/slutty way. Yes, regular women wear minis but there is a way to wear them without saying “I am a slut”. As a matter of fact, when women wear a mini in a fashionable manner, they are almost invisible to men, if you know what I mean.

I know my limitations and work around them to do the best job possible. I fail sometimes and fail terribly others, but what matters the most is that I feel good and enjoy my time as Cristy while learning from my mistakes. I stopped trying to please others almost since I found my Mojo over 40 years ago. As a matter of fact, I wore the same hairstyle, the one with the bangs, in the same color for 30 years, until I changed for a parted hairstyle a couple of years ago and began to experiment with the blonde hair at times. I do feel comfortable with both new looks and will not experiment any more until the time to switch for a shorter/older lady hair style.

Here is a list of points that I do my best to follow in the art of feminine illusion:

What will you never see me wearing or doing?

  • Lingerie or swimsuits, because I do not have a feminine body and will never ever look good in them without photo manipulation. I know my limitations
  • Open toe heels with hose, because it is not fashionable (even though I have done it before mostly to hide leg hair). Peep toe heels are ok with hose, though 😛
  • Old ladies’ clothes and shoes, before I become one 
  • Posing in sexually explicit or provocative manner, because I am not trying to look appealing to men and do not want to disrespect women 
  • Show my maleness because I am not trying to appeal to people who find that amusing or even arousing (I am not judging, just don’t share that interest) 
  • Giving in to requests for certain looks or costumes. No bridal dresses, cheerleader uniforms, etc. for Cristy

What do I seek (in no particular order)?

  • Enjoyment while practicing a craft that not only satisfies a need that is an integral part of my being but also gives me peace, satisfaction and fulfillment 
  • To develop long lasting and sincere friendships with likeminded people 
  • To emulate women in a respectful and dignified manner, to the best of my ability 
  • To inspire others in accepting themselves and finding ways to express this part of themselves 
  • To share my approach to crossdressing and experience in the craft, with likeminded people 
  • To show people outside our community that we are no perverts and have the same interests and ambitions in life than anyone else 
  • Acceptance from people I care about and who I trust with my particular trait 
  • To find ways to look feminine in a natural way, again, within my limitations and abilities 
  • To improve in my craft, using the experience I gain to overcome the years I gain 😛 
  • To pass for a woman even though not as much as in the past. This mostly because it is a confirmation of a job well done 
  • And yes, to achieve respect and admiration from people who appreciate my approach and skills

What don’t I seek (in no particular order)?

  • Male attention, sexual advances or disrespectful remarks. If I were seeking that, I would present differently 
  • To receive complacency and/or patronization 
  • To offend, disrespect or misjudge others in any way 
  • Acceptance from those who can’t or won’t understand or take the time to learn about why I need to do this 
  • To mislead anyone with face apps or radical photo manipulation. What you see is what you get 
  • To be a woman, because I am not one. I play one at times but am comfortable with my male body and life


3 Responses

  1. Great post, Cristy!

    Male attention is, of course, a thorny issue – I could write a whole post about it (oh, actually I already did!)! Like you, I can categorically state that I do not dress in the way that I do to attract male attention. And yet every single item in my modest ‘wardrobe’ has been chosen because I think I’ll look nice wearing it – I only get to do this for a tiny percentage of the time so I’m sure as hell going to want to like what I see when I do! And if I like what I see, then it’s a reasonable assumption that a proportion of other heterosexual males will feel similarly.

    But I think that your point ‘to emulate women in a respectful and dignified manner’ is an absolute gem and if we only live this side of our life according to one value, that should be the one.

  2. Cristy – I always find your posts intriguing and thought provoking. I can relate to virtually everything you say as your approach to this wonderful proclivity of ours so closely matches my own. I embrace that I am a hetero CD. I also embrace crossdrerssing as an art form, a performance of sorts without being performative, and seek to present my female alter ego in a very real world fashion. Self reflection seems to go hand in hand with crossdressing, and to see so much of yourself in the writing, philosophy and presentation of someone you respect is very affirming.

  3. Cristy ,
    I agree with much of your post , basically I read it as showing respect for others and hope they return that respect . There’s no harm in choosing ” risque ” outfits as long as it’s appropriate , women enjoy moments of fantasy sometimes . Do I see dressing as an art form ? Thinking the right outfits through could be considered an art form , I admit enjoying the choices I can now make , a dull day can be lit up be wearing a splash of colour .

    Gender labels are more of a problem for me , being fulltime means I have to achieve acceptance as a female which is working out better than I expected but I still need to make a formal name and gender change . It’s the only way I can finally lose the MR label , it’s ridiculous in public waiting areas having my name called with that gender handle , I get raised eyebrows but on the good side the mistake is corrected when they see me .

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