By Cristy Garcia
Cristy is a friend and sister. She is an amazing person and I am thrilled to have some of her thoughts to post here. This particular post has been viewed by over 90,000 people on her Flickr page, where it originally ran.
As Cristy goes through her nth hibernation period, I will indulge in sharing with you some of my life experiences and thoughts. They will not be related to the photo posted but I will use the photo as a hook to get you to read the text as I intend for this to become a forum of discussion now that Flickr allows us to respond to comments. I can only express my opinion from the “heterosexual cross-dresser” point of view given that I have been certain, for almost 30, years that this is what I am and will always be. My hope is to shed some light to those who are currently confused about their gender identity, at least from one of the TG benchmarks.
When you have lived a life of gender dichotomy, it is tempting to force yourself to choose a side and abandon the other; especially when it is not simple or easy to find the right balance. Confusion and the paradigm that there are two opposite genders that can’t coexist in an individual can be a burden as we grow up and even throughout life. I know that each person’s case can be different but there are many similarities and even identical characteristics that are common to each of the different gender identity “disorders” that have been identified so far.
Many of you know that I, like most of us, went through stages of ignorance, exploration, confusion and acceptance since I had conscience that I was different from the stereotypical boy, adolescent and man. Yes, I loved playing male sports and playing with boy toys and would fit in perfectly with the “standard” of the conventional boy. However, since very early in childhood I was intrigued by feminine clothes and felt an urge to wear them. What is interesting is that I would not want to look like a girl my age but rather dress as a young woman would. Maybe because I did not have a sister then and the clothes I had access to where my mother’s but I never considered wearing frilly dresses or bows or anything of the sort. I thought it was a phase that would pass with time but as I grew older and into my teens, I would seek a more complete transformation and was very creative at achieving my goal. By then I knew it was not just a phase, would feel ashamed and knew I had to keep it a secret. Still, I would take every opportunity to be left home alone to raid my mother’s closet. Was I the only freak who had this strange urge? We know now that there are more of us than we could ever imagine and that is just counting those who have the guts to admit it and share it online.
As puberty arrived, a sexual component appeared and wearing women clothes or makeup would arouse me. It was not the feel of the fabric or that I wanted to be a girl even though I did my best to look like one. It was a combination of sensations that I found difficult to understand or explain and that only those who share them can fully relate to.
To be continued…