By Cali
I thought I would contribute to the “your relationship with your kids” series. Some minor details to begin. Both of my “kids”, a son and a daughter are now over 30 years old, so they are not really kids. Both still live in town too. I’ve been divorced for over 10 years. My ex-wife knew that I cross-dressed from early in our relationship. Crossdressing was not an issue with my ex-wife, maybe because I hardly cross-dressed due to being very busy with my career and my kids’ activities: coach, manager, chauffeur, etc.
How my kids found out. I had a MAJOR injury with multiple ramification; one of the many specialists I saw was an urologist and he suggested I wear women’s panties. About the same time, my wife mixed my underwear with hers and I found her panties helped with the issue. My wife decided I should wash my own clothes so our panties wouldn’t get mixed up. One day my son’s girlfriend found a Victoria’s Secret thong stuck in the door ring of a front-loader washing machine. She asked my daughter, then my wife if it was theirs – which it wasn’t, so the only person it could belong to was me. That’s how my kids (then teenagers) found out about my underwear.
I have never had a conversation about my cross dressing with either kid. They see that I get my nails done, fingers and toes, my daughter and ex-wife have even borrowed some of my nail polish. They see that I wear 4-inch-high heels all the time. And they know I have quite a few heels. My daughter is not happy that I wear heels, so I wear more tamer 4-inch heels when we go out together (no stiletto knee highs).
That’s the extent of what they know – well of what I think they know. I will be honest if they ask, but I will not start the conversation.
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9 Responses
4” heels, thongs and nail polish. Yeah I think the kids know and apparently a willing to live and let live (barring the stilettos, I guess)
I have a similar situation with my sons. I know they know. Their mom made a point of telling the world that I was a cross dresser when we divorced. I suppose if I had more integrity, I would discuss the subject with them, but we all seem to be satisfied with leaving the subject alone. When I am with them, I am dad, and that’s good enough for now.
Kim
I’m sorry your wife behaved the way that she did. That’s not right. 4” heels, thongs and nail polish on (both hands and fingers) is just the tip of the iceberg of what I wear everywhere on a daily basis.
This is a difficult topic for each of us without a simple solution. Each must decide ‘IF” with our SOs. Then how and when. For some like me, I didn’t get to choose the time or place, it just happened.
Cali,
It is easier for me now my kids know and don’t have a problem with being out with me but it is something I can’t take for granted , I must respect them so I don’t destroy their acceptance and comfort level .
Respect for others is important in these situations.
I have 5 grown children ranging in age from 37 to 50. My wife knows over 40 years. She wants nothing to do with my femme side. I have a place to store my clothes and can change there.
I was going to tell my children right before the Covid epidemic. I couldn’t do it and am glad I didn’t. My attitude is that if they find out , I will explain it the best I can and tell them I love them and will always be there for them as long as I can.
It’s a personal choose based on each person’s circumstances. The only thing is you wont be able pick the time or place.
Terri M ,
The problem is we can’t guarantee an accident won’t happen . May I ask the question who are you trying to protect , you or them ? Does there come a point when we should no longer consider them as our children but treat them as mature adults ?
I agree with Cali but sometimes the circumstances are beyond our control , it should go without sayig that we still love them and hope that love comes with full understanding .
I think your point about what you think your kids know was a good one. I know from my own experience (contrary to what my kids think, I was a child once myself!) that kids have a habit of filing away even the smallest detail in this mind ready for the day when they’ll suddenly see the connection between several seemingly disparate events.
So I don’t doubt that mine know, or have worked out more than they have ever been told (which in the case of having a CDing father is absolutely nothing).
Amanda,
The problem is we know , so we are aware of the little telltales we may have left either by accident or perhaps intentionally . We need to consider the question why should they put two and two together ? We remain fixated as dad in most of their minds the idea we may be something or someone different is a totally alien thought to them .
Saying that I have to think if my son and daughter were upset or even devastated , I know my daughter wasn’t and my son was prepared to listen and ask questions but I’ll never know what they discussed with their partners in private . The real problem came from my wife’s attitude and her level of acceptance but in her defence I will add that she told them both not to turn their backs on me because I had been a good father to them .