By Jocelyn Johnson
A recent Kandi’s Land post got me thinking about individual styles. How we dress, our makeup regime, shoes we wear, accessories we use, shapewear hidden, hairstyle, frequency of outings, outing activities, and personal deportment.
Our planet of 8,000,000,000 people would imply that each of us is not unique. Surely out of this huge population there are many who are very similar to each other, in all the aspects I mention above. The odds that no one else in this world is like us would be astronomical.
Our marketing/sales society continually prompts us to buy services and items to make us better looking and more fashionable. We are told we have to look like famous person “A”, or eat what famous person “B” eats, or engage in the same activities as “C”. The pressure to conform is constant.
When I began my second coming as Jocelyn 2.0, I researched many CD/TG videos and articles on how to look, act and dress. What makeup to buy and how to apply it. How I should pose for photos. Where I should go during outings. I struck up online conversations with other CD/TG people to learn what I had to do to improve myself and make me acceptable to the world.
The beautiful ladies I saw online and on social media were what I wanted to become. But of course I couldn’t. I was too tall, or fat, or unattractive, or unable to afford lots of makeup or fashionable clothes. My mannerisms were not refined, nor ladylike.
BUT, being an experienced (read old) and mature individual I realized that all I had to do was to do what worked for me. I dressed the way I felt comfortable; I applied the amount of makeup that made me feel good; I went where I wanted to go and met people I wanted to meet. I was confident in who I was. I am not someone who needs other’s endorsement. “Take me as you see me!”
All the other contributors here at Kandi’s Land have their own adventures and fashion sense. But none of them are me. And none of them are you (non contributors). It is difficult to not want to blend in. We all must do what makes us not similar to the other 7,999,999,999 people.
I have learned what is “the genuine me”. I’m not like anyone else. No one else dresses like me or looks like me. “And that’s a good thing”.
You have to be you. Seek advice from others, sure, but in the end please be the genuine you.
Love you all,
Jocelyn
4 Responses
Nice post and very true. It’s not easy finding our style, particularly when nature and circumstances conspire against us but the feeling when we do hit the target is incredible. Not only that, it’s a real confidence booster too. As you suggest, comparison against others does nothing for our own self-esteem and these days, I’m far happier painting an honest picture of who/what I am than I used to be when I was spending far too much time and energy fretting because I didn’t feel I could match my (unrealistic) aspirations.
And as you say, we don’t need other people’s endorsement to be ourselves. But the funny thing is that the less we seek it, the more we get it from people just treating us like another human being which is, when all is said and done, what we are. And for me, there’s no better feeling than passing unnoticed through the crowd – the lack of reaction from others saying far more than words ever could.
Amanda,
Thank you for the wonderful comments.
Your thoughts bring confirmation to my thoughts. Acceptance of who we are is so important. And it comes when we stop trying to look like someone else.
I/we gain so much confidence when I/we finally go out looking the way we feel most comfortable. When I eventually found my style, I could enjoy my outings to the fullest. There was no pretence,
I really like your comment about other people’s endorsement: “the less we seek it, the more we get it”.
Take care, and be yourself.
Love,
Jocelyn
Jocelyn,
Just being you is so important , as you comment we are all different in some way . But then fashion does strange things women especially tend to follow the latest trends sometimes with disastrous results and then we have to pick ourselves through that minefield . Where do we start , what suits us , can we pull it off ? Women come in all sizes and shapes getting a look right is far harder than it is for men but that’s the challenge and an enjoyable one for us , I never tire of thinking outfits through . Where will I be heading off to ? what will I wear ? There always has to be a plan B depending what the weather has in store ( especially in the UK ) . At times we can be our own worse critic and overthink it , when I’ve had to opt for Plan B at the last minute it’s sometime thrown together but I often get the most comments , ” Oh it’s just a little something I’ve thrown together !!” comes the reply with hands on hips and a gentle smile .
The bottom line is we wouldn’t change anything being transgender is something special !!
Thanks Teresa. Your support is most welcome.
It is difficult to find our own style. But fun. As you say enjoyable.
I feel very comfortable in my choices of skirts and tops. I also really like my hosiery and shoes. None of these are currently fashionable, but I feel very happy with my presentation.
I like your final comment that being transgender is something special. I agree.
Thanks.
Jocelyn