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The Difference Between “Dressing” and “Being”

Just another repeat from the old blog, refried for today!

What I am, what Kandi is, is not about “getting dressed”. It’s not about the clothes. It’s about being. I’ve talked in the past about how I had generally avoided group gatherings of my peers because the conversation is more about being dressed and not about being (I have evolved on this point quite a bit as you have seen my Erie and Keystone adventures).

I put clothes on, I want to look pretty and I want to interact with society as a woman, not as the collection of clothing I have chosen to wear. I don’t wish to dive too deep into the psychology of why we do this. For some, the clothes are the end game, for others, a means to an end. What that “end” is, varies for all of us. My end game has changed quite a bit from pre-Kandi to Kandi day one to what it is now.

It was an item of clothing or a few, to putting together an entire outfit, to going out, to now BEING out. Now I have natural conversations with people where I am treated like (but certainly not thought to be) a woman.

An e-mail from a dear friend sparked this thought for me.

Hi Kandi,

I enjoyed your pictures with the Cleveland signs around the city. Do these signs ever get vandalized or damaged in some way? With all the demonstrations happening in cities, it’s hard to imagine they don’t.

Also, on a personal note (you don’t have to answer) I have noticed in some of your latest pictures that your “girls” are more prominent and accordingly you are wearing more low-cut blouses and dresses.

Do you have new forms or bras? Are you taking anything? (I hope not) Can you share your secrets with us?

I enjoy your blog so much.

[Please note: this was written quite some time ago, when we were locked down and BLM riots were occurring.]

My response.


As far as I could tell, none of the signs had been damaged.  Most of the damage was done directly to businesses, buildings, etc.  I think the landmarks were spared.  These signs are standalone sights, away from where all the mayhem occurred.  Thank you for the lovely complement.  I had been wanting to do that for some time now.

I certainly don’t mind the question.  It’s me now with too much time on my hands.  I have not altered my wardrobe or choices at all.  Yes, I realize they (my breasts) are more prominent.  It is a function of a few things.  I don’t wear “forms” per se, I use inserts as any woman might.  I also almost always wear a push up bra, so the combination does the trick for me.  

I have a chest, which has pectorals, which I have allowed (with Mother Nature’s help) to soften.  I used to lift weights and now I generally do not, almost exclusively running. (now more like waddling)  As a result, my pectorals are more pliable than they once were.  I do also take a supplement (now quite a few supplements), which I believe have helped in that manner a bit (I am careful and do not overdo it).  But when I am shirtless, no one is the wiser.  Most men my age have breasts.  Mine are solidly A cups.  I have done a few different things to push the tissue together and have used a bit of contouring makeup to make them look rounder.  Simple presentation improvements.

I absolutely don’t mind the question.  You are naturally curious and as we know, there is a bit of art to what we do.  I completely welcome the question.

What bothers me by some others is that they comment on them frequently.  If you saw a woman with nice breasts, would you say anything to her?  No, you would not.

I am simply continuing to evolve, that’s all.

I am so very pleased that you love the blog.  It’s a labor of love for me and it is work, but feedback like this makes it all worthwhile.

Love you, my dear!! You will never hear me say anything to a “peer” that I would not say to a woman. I will complement you on a dress, tell you you look pretty, things I would say to any woman. You will never hear me say anything about your breasts, hips, backside, etc. My view is that of being, not being dressed. Different strokes for different folks. I am just a different folk, I guess.

BTW, Pricilla, you are such a doll! Thank you.


This is one of five such photos I took at all of the Script Cleveland signs, on a boring lock down Sunday, where I had the run of the city.

The back and forth in the comments last week was simply awesome and proof that we are indeed a community! The fact that you all made real connections, shared real feelings, that is what we’re all about here. It was nice for me to see that happening, especially with me off the grid, so to speak, for the past few days. Thanks girls!!

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6 Responses

  1. After I came out to myself and stopped the denials for 34 years, there was a period of time where I wake up and crossdress for the day. And then after a while it stopped being crossdressing and just “dressing.” I am putting on the clothes I should be putting on. And then one comes to terms that one is really transgender because it goes beyond clothes. (though for me, I am one of many that are Trans but won’t transition). So, you live your best life the best you can in your 2 worlds. I think there are a lot of people out there that don’t realize that you don’t have to transition if you realize you are Trans. Choose the path that works for you and makes you happy.

    1. Thanks Cristina! Many of our readers are trans, but cannot transition and/or spend a great deal of time involved in their hobby, wearing women’s clothing or being involved one way or another with those that do.

  2. I agree with Christina here, my clothes are just my clothes
    From my panties to my bras and to all my casual tops and cute shorts
    I’ve learned I can blend my wardrobe into my male life where my presentation is not fully female or male, thus it’s why I’m fluid
    I know most here would never do this but for me it works
    Love all you ladies and thanks to Kandi we can share

  3. Thank you for reposting this. It is one I had not seen before but is another wonderful insight into my own dilemma. I love the support and wealth of information and personal stories in the comments as well. It is reading things like this that has gotten me to understand myself and my own feelings a bit better, having discovered and come to terms with the fact that with me, it’s definitely a much deeper thing than simply crossdressing. Having had the opportunity to finally go out dressed up, I love to think that I’m just dressed, not crossdressing, but simply dressed in an appropriate manner for a woman, as I consider myself to be one when I’m out and about dressed. I have come to terms now with the fact that I am transgender, though actually going through with the transition seems unfeasible at the moment. That doesn’t change anything as mentioned. There’s so many girls in similar situations and I’m so glad to understand that it is something I can live with and still enjoy living as a woman even without the physical transition. Thank you!

    1. The only solution for your feelings is to do what makes YOU comfortable. Transition, don’t transition, express your femininity in the best way you can do so comfortably, but the one common thread with all of us: this is US and we each have to find the best way we can deal with it. Love you Lizzy!

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