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Where Ya Been?

Life rolls forward.

I may or may not have been conspicuous in my absence. Here, maybe. Elsewhere, of course not.

You recently read about two Kandi-centric events that I did as myself. That trend continued.

May 8, 2024, actually three opportunities (all at the same time, so I could only have done one) to get dressed. I attended an event planning meeting as myself. I cannot always get others to grasp the simple concept of looking at me. Then pronouns are really simple and something I could not care less about. But such is the PC world we live in these days…

May 9, 2024, the wrap-up party for my group at the Cleveland International Film Festival. I attended every single shift and meeting as Kandi. This day I did not. It was a very good time.

This all preceded three days that I easily could have ginned up something for your girl to do.

There have also been longer-than-usual gaps in activities I would usually have filled. But the motivation to go through the process is just not there. This is for a few reasons. One, be careful what you ask for. Being a woman every day or frequently is exhausting when you have to do what I have to do to look female and/or to present as I wish. I seek no sympathy from anyone, just stating the realities. My readers here, many would love to go out as often as I do. Never having had a period, been pregnant, etc. I expect no sympathy from ladies either. Being stylish, classy, has been the key to my being able to do this with little to no issues. But it takes sooooo much time. It just does, especially when I invest 15 minutes in getting ready otherwise.

Secondly, I frankly look like crap. Ten to twelve pounds over my weight when I was a runner. I held that weight for years, so it’s not like it was an aberration. All my weight sits on my belly, which makes my ability to look thin and have a feminine figure almost impossible. The current need to work multiple jobs has eliminated free time from my life, time previously spent running, playing pickleball or being a girl about town. I look like a dude in a dress. Finally, as we approach our daughter’s wedding, about a month out, I feel like I need to “Dad”-up a bit. So I will labor my way through the upcoming Cleveland Marathon, take in this wonderful time in our daughter’s life and we will see where it all goes from here.

It will have been almost two weeks between Kandi outings. But rest easy, she is not going anywhere, there will still be outings and events to do and experience. But they won’t be as frequent, at least in the near future. Almost ten years of being a split-personality is taking its toll. Now excuse me while I pour another cocktail, get back to work and waddle around…

Commercial time

Okay, so we all know Kandi is now a working girl. I am blessed to have to opportunity to do what I was placed on this Earth to do, interact with the public for the purposes of engendering goodwill. And to do so on behalf of a worthy cause. I have given my time to The Arthritis Foundation, The American Heart Association, The Human Rights Campaign, The Cleveland Museum of Art, The Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation and so many more. In doing so, I have been hired by a beautiful soul, to assist with her life’s work, Party 411 Events. I am an event planner! And I am doing so in both genders, nothing to take lightly. The first event that I am active in planning is detailed below. Ironically, last year I served as a volunteer for them, not at all knowing I would have my hand on the steering wheel going forward.

Read about last year here. Check out Food Strong.

If you live nearby and want to have a great time, dressed in Beatles-era garb, join us (you should see my dress!). If you want an evening out and want to go to a completely safe space, join us. If you have the resources to help, please consider us. We are in the mode of “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” If you do nothing else but wish us well, it is appreciated. We make a difference here at Kandi’s Land, and that comes in many ways. Love and support each other. Listen. Understand. We change things one day at a time, one mind at a time. This will not be my last event, but it is my first. This is my life going forward, this is how I will go to my grave as a happy, difference maker in life. That may mean nothing, it may mean everything. Only time will tell. But at least I know I made a miniscule difference.

Thanks all! Love one another, love yourselves.


3 Responses

  1. Kandi,
    This is a wonderful post, explaining more about yourself than could be expected. Your honesty is always refreshing.

    I do object to you saying that you look like crap. That is an impossibility. As you know, I am 20 pounds overweight, with most of that on my gut. Next to you, I am the Goodyear blimp wearing a skirt and sweater. But people still say (lie) that I look beautiful (OK)!

    You already know, it’s what is inside that counts.

    You give so much to many charities, and to countless sisters. The world owes you a huge THANKS.

    Be good to yourself. Enjoy your family’s upcoming wedding, Dad.


    PS – love the milk carton

  2. Kandi,
    The important point is these were choices you made rather choices placed on you , it is something I fully understand .

    We’ve talked about ” prep time ” before , I agree it is a pain at times but I’ve placed myself in a situation where I can’t escape it so I’ve learnt to give myself that time no matter what follows .

    Kandi you will never look like crap !! No one is immune to weight shifts who doesn’t have to live with them , I could do with losing a few pounds but people don’t hate me for it even if I do . It’s another fact of life !

    Being the ” DAD” for the big day is important , thers is no greater feeling than the proud moment of leading your daughter down the aisle . It worked OK for me because it happened while I was still married .

    Best of luck with the speech ! I never got round to writing one but just rehearsed it enough times in my brain , a great time to do that is walking the dog or running in your case .

    I must admit your ” commercial ” paragraph has pricked my conscience , before COVID I was far more active in charities but somehow the lost ties have never been picked up since . I am thinking of putting an exhibition together of my art work and auctioning them for charities . If more people could get involved no matter how small it does make a difference . Sadly since COVID so many appear to be sitting back expecting others to do it .

  3. Ah, the Battle of the Bulge. Some days I’m winning, some days I’m losing. My bulge goes in and out. My physical activities have been limited the last 15 months due to an injury, so my bulge wants to grow.
    Another thing, you have taken on more responsibilities as Kandi, wedding, clothing line, all of which leads to more stress and less time running to release that stress. As you know, the Bulge and Stress are allies in this battle.
    Take time for yourself, enjoy being ‘DAD’ in the wedding.

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