This is another of those posts that’s been struggling to emerge for some time. A case of knowing what I want to say but not being able to figure out how to say it or even what point I’m trying to convey. But then, as she frequently does, Kandi came to the rescue, albeit almost certainly unwittingly in her case.
In her post ‘What’s The Point?’ she included the following:
‘We are tied together with a feeling that is still viewed as odd by society. Is it more accepted than many think? Yes, but it still is viewed differently, unlike many other types of behaviors that are now just a fabric of society.’
At this point it’s important to stress that Kandi is a force of nature – not only does she fearlessly step out into society in her feminine persona but she also actually lives a proportion of her life through that persona. And if any of us need proof that acceptance is there for the taking, we need look no further. By Kandi’s own admission, no one who meets her is in any doubt about her ‘provenance’ but I would put money on every single person who she encounters leaving her with a more positive view of our community than they had before they met her.
But what about the rest of us who necessarily have to restrict our activities? My interactions, although growing in number every time I step out are still not plentiful but everyone I have talked to will have had absolutely no doubt about my chromosomal combination. Even so, I like to think that they saw nothing in me that let the side down, so to speak. And yet on each of those occasions, far more people than just those walked past me or otherwise saw me. Whilst my uncorrected eyesight is appalling and my hearing is now going the same way, I didn’t see any pointing fingers or double takes or hear any shrieks of ‘get security, that’s a man’! Now, it goes without saying that I’m not exactly skilled with the makeup brush and a lifetime of testosterone has taken its toll but the fact that I returned unscathed from my outings suggests that, to a reasonable extent, I got things right. Or to put it another way, I did nothing to bring the trans community into disrepute. But the truth is that those I directly interacted with have almost certainly seen it all before and nobody else seemed to register that I was anything other than what I apparently was at first glance.
And that’s the paradox. To win over hearts and minds, we have to be the best that we can possibly be and yet by doing so, we effectively camouflage ourselves & the truth of what lies beneath. And if people don’t understand who or what we are, how can we win them over?
I could say that it doesn’t matter. Whether we’re teetering on the cusp of transition or a very occasional CDer, this is something we do to fulfil our own needs, not to be a crusader for the cause. The decisions whether to go out en femme and, if we do, who we interact with are ours alone and there’s absolutely no imperative for us to take one for the team, so to speak.
And yet it does matter. In fact given the unease that’s washing through the trans community on both sides of the Atlantic as I write this, it perhaps matters more than ever.
If the world was to end tomorrow and humanity, knowing what was coming, looked back at the highs and lows, our community would probably feel that the glory days were behind us, perhaps a decade or more in the past. Rid of legislation that made it illegal to impersonate a woman in public in certain places, the efforts of various trans figureheads – Caroline Cossey, April Ashley, Caitlyn Jenner et al – had brought the trans community front and centre in the public eye and laws were being enacted that made it illegal to discriminate against someone because their presentation and lifestyle didn’t match their biological sex. Trans forums and online meeting places gathered momentum and, at last, we could live our lives in the knowledge that we weren’t alone and the struggles we were enduring were exactly the same as those being experienced by thousands of others around the world. And for those who decided to step over the gender line for good, hurdles which had previously impeded their progression were being removed and the community flourished. Back then, we had it all.
But sadly, a small but very vocal cohort decided to carry on pushing. No longer was acceptance enough and rather than us being expected to conform to society’s expectations of what it means to be female, society was expected to adjust to conform to ours. Now, I don’t propose to elaborate further on this as I guess that everyone reading this knows what I mean by this and I don’t want to cause unrest here but the reality is that as society saw what was happening, their attitude hardened. And whilst we know that we’re different to the TikTok radicals provoking misgendering, demanding that we use their ‘neopronouns’ and generally demeaning what it means to be a woman, for much of society, are we seen as one and the same? Or, from a different perspective, because they’re very visible but we set out to be as invisible as possible, is society jumping to the wrong conclusions about most of us?
And perhaps therein lies another paradox. How is it that we experience so much respect and acceptance when we venture into society and yet public opinion is seemingly so anti-trans? Are we dealing with two completely separate populations? Have we misread one or other point of view? Is the media lying? Or could it just be that, as a community as a whole, we see the two sides as irreconcilable and look for a scapegoat as a result?
I’m prepared to stick my neck out here and declare that, to use an analogy, in a Venn diagram where one circle contains those that accept us when we go out and about and the other is those who are increasingly voice their concerns about the whole trans ideology onslaught, the intersection containing people who fall in both camps is huge. In fact I’ll declare that I’m in that group myself. A hypocritical stance? Some would undoubtedly assert that but my response would be to ask why I would not want to put women’s rights front and centre when I aspire to receive acceptance from that sector of society myself? Why would I want to adopt any position that risks alienating the very people who I rely on to inspire me? I’m not saying that I agree with every ‘objection’ society throws our way – the whole question of ‘bathroom bills’ has become very messy and needs a solution that doesn’t just require us to use the gents’ under threat of arrest if we don’t – but I’ve come to understand that everyone has limits to their tolerance and providing we stay on the right side of those limits (which in this day and age are pretty liberal in any case), we can live our lives to the full.
And that brings me back to the original paradox – how can we win over people if we camouflage ourselves to the point that most don’t notice us and don’t understand who or what we are?
The truth, of course, is that we can run but we can rarely hide. The person we walk past in the street may not realise our little secret but the sales assistant we speak to almost certainly will. And so will the people who are within earshot when we’re talking to her. Perhaps we will be the first trans person they’ve knowingly encountered close up or maybe they’ve seen so many that it’s nothing new to them. If it’s a ‘newbie’ seeing someone like us for the first time, I like to think that they’ll walk away with a positive impression and, for the old hands we interact with, we can hope that we do nothing to let the side down.
And that’s the whole point here. We may not have a platform with wide reach as the celebrity transitioners do, we may not even be out and proud in the local community, seen by thousands as Kandi is and we may just be seeking acceptance one person at a time, But I’ve seen the smiles, and judging by what I read here day after day, so have all of the other contributors. And those smiles are not forced because ‘head office’ mandates it, they are the genuine smiles of people who understand that under the surface we’re no different to anyone else and perhaps even appreciate the efforts we have made to be a true representation of who we really are.
And what’s really unbelievable about the whole thing is we’ve managed to achieve all of that without dyeing our hair purple, declaring our pronouns before any interaction has taken place, screaming ‘trans women are women’ at anyone & everyone and threatening cancellation to anyone we feel may be a dissenter. Just being ourselves was enough.
21 Responses
Amanda,
Thanks for another thought provoking post. I appreciate you giving both sides of the issue(s).
I can somewhat understand people’s great concern for the bathroom conundrum. Far too many men have taken disgusting advantages of women over the millennia. The stories of rape and sexual abuse are plentiful. The woman’s room should be seen as a safe place where men are not allowed. No chance of being taken advantage of there.
But now we have men “disguising” themselves to get into that safe place. For what purpose?????
While out and about I always used the woman’s public washroom. Anything else would have been wrong and inappropriate. So, I don’t know if there is a right answer to that particular issue.
I just try and do what seems right. I don’t want to upset anyone.
Love you,
Jocelyn
Jocelyn, thank you for sharing your thoughts and you’re right about the bathroom conundrum. I think we all agree that using the ladies when dressed is appropriate but from a legal perspective we have to consider where the line is drawn. I can only speak for the situation in the UK but, as a CDer not transitioning or planning to, there has never been any ambiguity in the law – which is not in my favour – as it pertains to me. I try to manage my fluid intake when out to ensure that I don’t need to face the issue but if it’s unavoidable then I accept the situation and make sure that I am as inconspicuous as possible. Ultimately, and I’m sure you thought similarly, I’m operating on the twin hopes stemming from the effort I put into my feminine presentation that firstly a proportion of other users will not notice that I am not as I seem and secondly that those who do will give me the benefit of the doubt.
And like you, I don’t know if there’s a right answer, particularly given the lack of protection that the law gives to CDers. Even gender neutral facilities bring their own issues assuming that anyone would opt to use them in the first place. All we can really do is exactly what you say in your final paragraph – do what seems right and try not to upset anyone.
Amanda,
The paradox of trangender acceptance , why doesn’t all of society get it ? but we could ask the same question over many issues that affect society .
My problem is I don’t want to recognised as a man OK some may throw their hands in the air and jump on the passing bandwagon .
This morning I did my normal shaving routine but this time I didn’t apply makeup after and I had to remember how to do a shirt up and shoe laces because I had to be grandpa for the morning for our family Xmas breakfast meet up . It’s when I get to catch up with my grandsons , I don’t have the same problem with my daughter as I’m having my usual Xmas meal with her and her family . Leaving my home my stomach was in turmoil , I sped away hoping my neighbours didn’t see me , I felt naked , awkward and uncomfortable . It went OK but I was handed the job of taking all the gifts to my mother plus we order beautiful cured hams which I give as a gift to my son and daughter and also split one three ways with my ex and my mother . I knew my sister’s family would be arriving at my mother’s home so no way was I going in male mode , so I did the forty mile round trip to change before returning calm and comfortable as Teresa . As it transpired only my sister was at my mother’s she if OK with me but not 100% , ( that’s her problem not mine as my mother is 100% OK with me ) .
While you quote Kandi by saying we are still viewed as odd I feel odd when in male mode , I feel more exposed and stared at . As Teresa I feel I have arrived , I am part of society I contribute on equal terms with my community I am accepted , there is no paradox in that statement .
Personally I don”t feel we can look to celebrities to take the lead because of the fact they are celebrities , they are in the media spotlight , sometimes they are forced to overreact for that attention , it very hard for them to be normal transgender people .
We have touched on the subject of the rights and wrongs of the Supreme Court Ruling , personally it hasn’t affected my life at all , the majority of the public aren’t interested , I don’t make waves so the storm misses me . I just hope someone can find the courage to take the decision and make logical amendments , at the moment many people could get hurt and have their lives ruined . I am at greater risk using male facilities so I will continue as before , I would treally like to know how many genuine cases have been reported of problems with M/F transgender using women’s restrooms as opposed to them using male ones .
Part of the ruling did state that if a M/F was refused admission to women’s facilities a suitable alternative has to be found , again the question of F/M has been largely overlooked or ignored . They can use what they feel most comfortable with and most choose not to be classified ” biological women ” , why would they they’ve become men .
Teresa, I’m sorry to hear of your tribulations and I think many of us, regardless of where we sit in all of this, understand the need to do things for the greater good on occasion.
Turning to the thrust of this post, it’s important to bear in mind that it’s written from the perspective of a CDer. Society has made great strides in accepting that some people wish to permanently transition but those who are to all intents and purposes normal guys with wives and families but who feel the need to cross the divide from time to time still at best confound understanding but are often looked at with derision. And as I said in the reply to Jocelyn above, the law has never made provision for that sector of society and almost certainly never will. Regardless of where we sit on the continuum, I think we all have a duty to show respect to our ‘acquired’ gender (whether that acquisition is temporary or permanent) and I’m acutely aware that that’s really all that stands between me and potential problems when I’m out. Ultimately, my level of acceptance is only as good as my last encounter because the next one may go horribly wrong.
As for the celebrities, I think they’ve done all of us a huge favour by bringing all of this into the mainstream but I think it’s desperately sad that they have nowhere to hide so to speak.
Regarding FTMs, the situation is different. Women’s spaces were specifically provided for reasons of safety and decency but no such formal provision has ever been made for men’s spaces to my knowledge. That said, I think that many men would baulk at the idea of women entering their areas but the relative physical strengths usually mean that safety is not the same issue that it is the other way round but, of course, decency can be. In the end, I don’t think there’s a solution that will get the agreement of everyone and perhaps latitude in the interpretation of the law for all but the most egregious cases will give us the best compromise. It’s a fudge but better than either restricting entry to chromosomal status or having a free for all where anyone can go anywhere just by declaring that they ‘identify’ (which puts trans people at a similar level of risk to everyone else).
Amanda,
I really appreciate your reply , I understand the difficult situation of people who have a need to dress but through circumstances can’t always express that need . That is the area that people point the finger and are most vocal about , in that respect I am lucky because I’ve found the freedom to be Teresa with very few restrictions . I don’t know how you can change that situation to gain acceptance , sometimes we may be our own worse enemy because we keep finding new names to label our particular needs , all that does with society is confuse them . The basic question to most of them is if you dress as a women do you want to be one otherwise you’re some sort of a weirdo who wears their wive’s clothes on occasions . Yes we are free to express ourselves but the question to the public is what as ? Unfortuneately that is the group that may raise many of the problems with the bathroom issues , ” I wear a dress so I’m entitled to use female facilites ” . To compound the problem some of these individuals take ” selfies ” while using those facilities , so yes I understand some of the objections .
I only knew one F/M transgnder person , he was in a terrible state , as a woman she’d had a son so after the transition the son never got over it , he’d lost his mother !! I don’t see my son as much as I’d like to but again he must feel he’s lost his dad , at times I do think how would I feel if faced with that situation . If we are transgender we can’t change that fact for anyone , not even ourselves , the truth does hurt sometimes but you can’t avoid it .
At one time I was more vocal about being transgender , even to speaking in a crowded lecture theatre to a delegation of NHS managers about the ways in which the NHS had helped or not . I joined a new social / self help group , they published my life story in their first hand out to hopefully help others . The problem is I would remain in that spotlight if I continued , going full time gradually changed that because it wasn’t allowing me to integrate into society it isolated me . I found new aims and objectives which I could do as Teresa , in that respect I lost the transgender label , I was surprised to be accepted as Teresa very much a normal person .
The way I look at it is that we go through life making decisions and those decisions have consequences, sometimes good, sometimes not so good. I could complain about lack of opportunity (and it is frustrating) but I continue to reap the benefits of other decisions I have made in life and the life I live now is the best compromise at this point in time.
The ‘do you want to be a woman?’ question is complex. Fortunately for us, it’s normally asked in the context of seeking surgery which for CDers in particular is almost always an emphatic no. But as we know, there are many layers to all of this and giving a truthful and comprehensive answer is far more difficult.
And as for the loos, the challenge is how to let people who want/need to use them for their intended purpose in while keeping those who see them as a rite of passage, selfie backdrop, source of affirmation and any other non-legitimate purpose out.
Amanda,
Just ti add a small P.S. to the loo question .
I was on coach trip with a GG friend to Southwold , on the return the driver chose a different comfort stop ( a little more rustic than the outward journey ) . We had coffee and I told P* I was going to the toilets , I had just found a cubicle and locked the door when a woman went all the way down kicking the cubicle doors hard I assume to find a vacant one , it really was scary . When I rejoined P she said you look upset , I told her i didn’t expect behaviour like that in a women’s toilets , it was worse than anything I had encountered in male ones . Sometimes I do wonder what all the fuss is about because women’s restrooms aren’t the always the place of peace and tranquility , they are sometimes worse than male ones .
It’s another world and I fear that we will never fully understand it, not having been born into it!!
Amanda,
What a very well written , thought provoking , post. I have been reading here mostly silently for 8 years. I don’t usually respond, but, I felt like I wanted to join in. I am at a point in my life where I have socially transitioned in most aspects of my life to a woman. I don’t pass , I try to blend. I am old enough that when I get mis pronouned I just blow it off. When out, I am always concerned about restroom use. I usually try to find a single use bathroom. When I can’t I do use the woman’s restroom when dressed. I don’t do selfies in the rest room. I go in do my business , wash my hands adjust my hair and leave. I admit if I hear children come in I sit and wait until they leave. I try to be positive and kind hopefully leaving good impressions every where I go!
Vanessa
Vanessa, thank you – it’s always nice to know that people are reading what we write even if they don’t join in the conversations but it’s really good of you to share your experience and thoughts.
I’m a big fan of concentrating on blending rather than passing as worrying about the latter invariably involves disappointment whereas the former gives us all the joy of deciding what to wear and seeing that the vast majority of people we encounter really don’t care. I love your final sentence as that sums up my approach in the outside world too – I genuinely believe that the vast majority of people will accept us at face value unless we give them a good reason not to.
Thank you again for joining the conversation and I hope we hear more from you.
Hi my dear friend and thank you for your post. Another excellent thought provoking one. Regarding the proliferation of monikers for every variation under the trans umbrella. Like most of us I’ve been this way for my entire life and I agree with the general public in that it seems like there are new pronouns out yearly and it s confusing as it can be. Personally I think the North American indigenous peoples name for it is “two spirit”. Which I think pretty much covers it all. The best part is the held these people in high regard. Society could take a page out of their book for sure. Speaking for western Canada I think the trans community live in a pretty nice part of the country and are truly blessed. My friends and I have travelled over a big portion of this part of Canada and never been called out, snickered at or had derogatory comments sent our way. Only acceptance. And I don’t think the rest of the country is much different. Happy New Year and may 2026 give you everything you’ve wished and hoped for.
Trish, thank you for your kind words and friendship. Acceptance is a wonderful thing and whilst we should never take it for granted, I think that all of us realise that it’s there for the taking as long as we don’t give others good reason to do otherwise. Personally, I love the idea that I can walk amongst others with practically nobody paying me any more attention than they would pay to anyone else. And I absolutely love that those I interact with, whilst in no doubt about what I am, seem to go out of their way to show that as far as they are concerned, it’s OK for me to be me.
It’s sad that the vocal few has put us under the spotlight for all the wrong reasons but I’ve had enough wonderful experiences, as I know you have too, to realise that it’s us ourselves, rather than the powers that be, who ultimately control our destiny.
I’m totally with you on your last sentence. As long as we project ourselves properly and treat eveyone with the repect they deserve then there should never be any issues. I have an interesting one coming up in February, I’ll be visiting one of the Mall’s lingerie shops to get a corselet fitting. I’m trying to get my bikini body ready for the summer and hopefully a Trans conference on Vancouver Island in Victoria that several Girls from the Burbs will be setting it up along with the Trans community in Victoria. I’m really excited about this. I just hope my wife won’t give me any hassle about the bikini tan lines. Keep your fingers crossed for me and have a great weekend.
That sounds amazing and my fingers are crossed for tan line harmony with Mrs T!
Hi Amanda, thank you for your article. I am not yet out in public as you and others are. I am out of the closet at home, and yes what I suspected would happen has; my closet has simply expanded in size. And as I am definitely trans and identify as a woman, I suspect that once I start presenting in public I will have this sense that my closet has simply enlarged itself again.
Why? Because my deepest dreams and longings will remain unfulfilled as I am not female and unfortunately, no amount of medical intervention will change that. Yes,being public will make my closet huge, perhaps well nigh non-existent, but even as I have a secret that I carry with me in my male presentation so would there be a secret tucked away albeit living full time.
I am different from a cis-womsn, a natal, genetic female. I will never be one. That truly make me sad, yet that is my place in life. No amount of protesting, insisting, beligerance, activism etc. will change that. Attempts via a vocal, angry, activist few to “make” / demand / enact laws that we be treated as equal to natal females seems counter productive to me. The old adage: “A man convinced against his will, remains unconvinced still,” applies I believe. I truly believe the politicization of trans issues has done much harm.
I read a true story of a trans woman of faith who was fully transitioned. Upon seeking membership in a local congregation she revealed to the pastor that she was trans and fully transitioned. Immediately his reaction and the reaction of the church leadership was that she could attend there, but was not welcomed into membership. She was not allowed to use the ladies restrooms while at church.
Her testimony was that she was ostracized for a long time, but knew it was the Lord’s will for her to be there. She said she graciously accepted the marginalization, fulfilling the command to do unto others as she would have them do unto her. Kindness and love was her consistent response.
Eventually she was welcomed into a lady’s Bible study, then to a woman’s retreat. But she knew she had broken down all the barriers when the pastor’s wife invited her to their daughter’s baby shower.
I read this story told in the first person on another online trans gathering place. I have never been able to find the story again. Perhaps it isn’t even true. I wish I knew for sure. But I have always thought if the day comes that I ever realize my dream of daily womanhood this dear sister’s approach would be mine toward achieving acceptance of my authentic albeit trans womanhood.
Kindly,
Charlene
Charlene, thank you for such a heartfelt comment. There is so much in what you say that I empathise with.
There are many others here far more qualified than I am to give out advice but I’ll do my best. You are absolutely right that no amount of medical, or indeed any other, intervention will turn us into something that we’re not. But we can always be something that we are and that’s ourselves. When I step into the outside world, I invite people to draw their own conclusions. I know that anyone I interact with will have little, if any, doubt as to what I am and that takes a lot of pressure off me – my worries of ‘what if someone realises I’m a guy’ have changed to ‘so what if someone realises I’m a guy’. I’ve also learned the power of smiling. Everyone I approach gets a smile and most smile back; the scene is then set for a wonderful interaction. Maybe just service with a smile or sometimes a nice comment to let me know that they accept me.
There’s a lot we can do to get people onside. Outfit choice in particular is key. Firstly, whilst we worry about facial passing, others see the whole of us and a nice outfit, appropriate for the surroundings, shows that we care both about how we present ourselves and how society perceives us. Secondly, if we feel we’ve got it right, our confidence skyrockets, not least as it’s one less thing to worry about.
In the end, how we identify is far less important than how we’re identified by others. As I said above, no one who interacts with me will be in any doubt about the fundamentals but some will identify me as a woman, some as trans and some as a crossdressing guy. Any of those is fine by me because it is what comes next that’s far more important. It doesn’t happen every time but from time to time, a comment or a simple gesture will register because you realise that there’s no way it would have happened if you’d been presenting male. I used to be disappointed that no one called me ‘ma’am’ or referred to me as ‘she’ or ‘her’ but I soon came to realise that a throwaway comment about my nails or having a door held open for me was the real deal.
I really hope that you soon get to spread your wings in public. It’s a truly wonderful feeling to walk amongst others without a care in the world. I used to think I’d never manage it, now I can’t get enough of it.
Amanda,
When you say the public are in no doubt what you are , ” what if someone recognises me as a guy ” . Sometimes take a step back and consider they may be acting very kindly to you , even if they think you might be a guy they may also be considering you’ve been through full transition , they could be giving you the benefit of the doubt . I appreciate we are aware of our shortcomings , we see the telltales but they are seeing enough to read you female . This is a hurdle I had to get over , I will argue that my identity is important , I needed something solid to build on , I will add it took some courage to finally change my name because that was to be my identity from that point onwards .
I should probably clarify a couple of things here. ‘What if someone realises a guy?’ symbolises the fear that many CDers have before stepping out into the world and I deliberately contrast that with ‘so what if someone realises I’m a guy?’ – in other words, it doesn’t matter.
And the point about others not knowing exactly where I sit on the trans continuum is one that I’ve often made. But on several occasions, I’ve known full well that nice things have been said because I’ve been recognised as some flavour of trans and I treasure those moments because they symbolise acceptance of me as me. I’d rather go into the world with the belief that I pass 100% of the time as trans than fear that I pass 0% of the time as a woman.
Finally, for me it’s important to stress the foregoing when I post. I tend not to include photos on my posts but when I do, I take a lot of care to choose one that portrays me in the best possible way – vanity in other words! But I don’t want people to look at those photos and feel demoralised if they feel they fall short. I know this happens both from my own experience when I started out and looked at photos of others on Flickr with a mixure of awe and despondency and from another CDer actually declaring that they felt they could never look as good as I did (and when I replied, I gently pointed out that the image had been processed with FaceApp and the reality was somewhat different). ‘If I can do it, anyone can’ is a cliche these days but I genuinely believe that to be the case here and want all of my readers to draw inspiration from that.
Amanda,
Firstly I know those fears , as I’ve lived throught them . The question is did it matter to me ? Well not at first because I was with my social group but saying that two members had fully transitioned , one chose to continue to run her own social group . She often called me a ” bitch ” (tongue in cheek) because she often accused me of outdressing her but seriously she did take me aside and said I really should fully transition as I already had acheived full acceptance , OK in her words I passed !
I once experienced an interesting conversation between a husband and wife . I was wating in the lounge area of a hotel for my social meeting to start , I had a coffee and was reading the local paper to get an idea of property prices in that area as I intended to move there . A couple walked by on the way to the toilets , as they rounded the corner I heard the wife say to the husband , ” did you see that , I’m sure it was a man ” . The husband replied , ” I’m telling you you’re wrong ” . As they walked back to their seats after visiting the toilets , I heard the husband say , ” see I told you so ” The wife then apologised to him . I’d heard the wife say she wanted to read the local paper , I knew I had the only one so I stood up and walked over to them and said , ” I believe you wanted the local paper ” , I left two very confused people , at the time it was a lovely feeling .
I still say you are selling yourself short , perhaps consider when you next step out in the RW tell yourself it as Amanda , forget about your gender just be you .
I would never use photos that had been enhanced in any way , what point would it serve as I’m using a passport and driving licence as Teresa now . I admit I posted some real fun ( photoshopped ) pictures when I was a member of CDers.com .
As a “regular” CD I think we all have the worry that we are not femme enough or don’t pass on close inspection and that nagging worry can often sour our adventures outside. About 6 months into my current relationship I admitted to my girlfriend that I liked to crossdress but i had never gone outside or mixed in public. she made it her mission for me to go out. I was not convinced but she arranged everything got two of her friends involved and it was agreed and planned and Tanja became real.
That evening we drank got dressed and very nervously left my apartment. The ground floor opened onto a well lit courtyard and there were some local drunks and street people sheltering – in the harsh light I heard one shout “that’s a man”. I was mortified and felt like going straight back. My girlfriend just linked arms with me and walked us forward purposely where we meet the two friend who air kissed and said how wonderful I looked. We walked off into the night through the city centre as 4 women together and I got no more adverse comments. I had a great night the, but recall that first 2 minutes out where I wished the ground would eat me up – but through support and perseverance I had a great night and my relationship grew stronger. My point biscuits there is always someone who can ruin your night but most people ignore you or are supportive and interested in you.
Tanja, thank you for sharing your experience and despite the initial wobble, it’s good to hear how well it ended up going. Negative comments are something I think we all dread but are an occupational hazard once we shed the shackles of the closet. I know from experience that they hurt but they’re not the end of the world and, fortunately, there are far more people only too happy to give us a positive experience and they’re the only ones that really matter.