By Nora Simone
When I feel most pretty in public, I also feel most afraid.
I don’t practice my art for other people. Yet, other people influence the way I feel.
Many (most) are not very polite when asking….
“Why do you dress like that?”
On the surface this question seems to provide an opportunity for useful dialogue.
Perhaps they have genuine curiosity.
Yet, hostility is evident by the questioner’s eyes.
“Here we go again.” I sigh.
Hey……Transgender people are not new. We have always been here.
Isn’t it time for the world to acknowledge and accept differences that individuals do not control. It is NOT a choice.
Sheeesh – I need a better response.
What would you say?
Couple notes on this photo:
1) A hooded cape is very useful for concealing details of appearance (figure, gait, etc.) – yet its uniqueness draws immediate attention.
2) When out with friends, I’m much less fearful. You see, it is highly unlikely a stranger will defend me from public hostility. it has never happened. In fact, my experience is that a taunting mob might form. Sad. However in this situation, I was with Cristy Garcia, and for sure know – no one would dare cross us. Or else!
Photo taken at the Hershey Butterfly Museum and Garden in PA, by Diane Crow.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” (Eleanor Roosevelt)
It’s a familiar quote and one that is inspiring in theory. In reality, I am mindful of weaknesses. Unfortunately, predators exist who seek and exploit people like me.
Understanding that does not mean the problem goes away.
Maybe, eventually that will change. But that is my reality today and, I believe, for others.
Some CDers go out intentionally to be read , ” Hey look at me I’m different !! ” I accepted a long time ago that the need to crossdress had a deeper meaning , I wished to show the world I was more female than male . I wasn’t afraid because I’d built my confidence by attending trans social groups . There are simple lessons to learn when venturing out in the world , I learnt very quickly to stop looking over my shoulder expecting a reaction , you have to go about your business in a normal way and with confidence . People like animals sense fear , I guess it’s a throwback to self preservation when instict meant life or death .
You make a pretty young lady so no reason to hide , I agree the cape does attract attention because it’s an unusual item to wear . Just try slipping on a Tshirt and jeans and see how easily you blend in and that was anther lesson , dress appropriately for the circumstances .
In my 5 years of being full time I’ve not had a single incident to worry of make me feel afraid , I really do live a normal life as Teresa .
You are fortunate to not have had a single incident that makes you feel afraid. That must be confidence-boosting and most certainly must color your view of the world.
Sadly, that is not my experience.
Consequently, if we “go by what we know” you and I having a different POV should be expected.
I am a sensitive giving person. People think I am “nice.” It is not understandable then that others routinely target me, including other CD’s, gay men, and non-binaries in addition to the likely straight folks. Why? Because I seem vulnerable? Don’t know.
Sure I have mostly good experiences when out and about. But memories of the minority bad experiences are always there affecting my outlook.
It’s not unusual for survivors, like me, to see the world differently.
It’s just who I am today and I know there are many silent others.
The good news though, is that I’m much more understanding of others like me and a lot of GG friends. Eye-opening!
May you continue to have only good experiences. I wish my experience on no one.
I have had to fight my battles not least with my ex wife of 45 years , most of us do have to pay a price along the way . The point is we can make it happen , I like to think I’m a kind caring person and perhaps naive at times . The problem was I was becoming less and less that person so it’s now good to have that person back on track . Obvioulsy being kind and caring doesn’t mean you should be vulnerable , a trans person has to learn when to grab the nettle and when to turn the other cheek BUT never be a walkover , respect for yourself is important other people have to earn respect .
First and foremost you are a very attractive young lady….period! I get the impression you thought after someone made a comment about what you’re wearing that you’d been clocked and I find that assumption highly unlikely. Your post reminds me of my younger days as a CD. Those days when I looked my best but had it in my head if someone even looked at me it meant they knew I was a CD. But it didn’t take long to figure out that I was being looked at because I was attractive.
Once I had figured that out I became much more relaxed and confident in my presentation as a female and I think you need to realize how wonderfully feminine you actually are, relax and enjoy the gift you were given.