By my real world friend, Jocelyn Johnson
One of the definitions of perception is: “a way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; a mental impression”.
Friends and family know you. Strangers or mild acquaintances who see you briefly will perceive you in some way based on their past experiences, beliefs and first impressions.
Look at the two pictures, what would someone who had just seen these two people think? What would their mental impressions be? Is one of them a woman? A man? Are they good people, or bad? Is the person showing their back ashamed? What is the perception of that person?
Of course both photos are of me.
But what is most important is what is my perception of myself.
I am transgender, somewhere on the continuum between male and female. An indicator of maleness is testosterone level. Mine has always been at the bottom of the range for male. I currently am micro dosing a testosterone blocker.
Because I present myself as female about 2% of the time, I have had a perception of myself as 2% female, 98% male. I had used my outward presentation as the indicator as to where on the male-female spectrum I am situated.
But people who have only seen my feminine side and presentation, will probably have a strong female perception of me, say in the range of 80 to 100% (don’t I wish).
I have recently come to understand that my femininity is not based on how often I dress en femme. Being a woman is not based on outward appearance, it is from within. I now see myself near 50%. I am gender fluid, sometimes male, sometimes female. I genuinely believe I am not defined by what is between my legs. At this point in my life they are useless appendages.
Perception, my personal thought of who I am is taking shape. I am happy with myself. Look at my smile in the photo.
What is your perception of me? Better still, what is your perception of yourself?
Love to everyone,
Jocelyn
11 Responses
Jocelyn, a thought provoking post (and don’t I wish I could manage to convey as much in so few words in my posts as you have achieved here?!).
The comparison between how we feel and how others perceive us is an interesting thing to ponder. Everyone here makes a lot of effort to blend in when they go out and unless we are interacting at close quarters, most will assume that what they see is what they see, so to speak. And yet I will guarantee that each of us has different inner feelings about this side of us despite the commonality in what we do. For a long time it troubled me that whilst I enjoy both the act of transformation into what others would identify as a woman and also being perceived as such when out and about (which I determined by realising that no one was staring at me in a knowing sort of way), I didn’t feel like a woman (whatever that feels like as I cannot talk from experience for obvious reasons) or feel like I in some way belonged with women I saw. In the end, I came to the realisation that it doesn’t matter and I’m just me – anatomically male but just me in every other respect. As I’ve previously said, my pronouns are ‘I’ and ‘me’ and I’m happy to leave any other descriptor to anyone who encounters me.
In the end, society almost always forces us to choose one way or the other (often with good reason) but that shouldn’t prevent us from being comfortable just being us, regardless of how others see us.
As I said, a thought provoking & great post and thank you for sharing it with us.
Amanda,
Thank you for the comments and support.
I think we all know why your posts are longer and better written: you are the deep thinker and the smart one. I have trouble putting two words together.
It is tough trying to fit into society’s expectations. One, they may not conform to our way of thinking, and two, they keep changing.
As you say, it is best for each of us to be who we are, be proud and comfortable.
Lots of love to you.
Jocelyn
Jocelyn, very good post and it definitely fits things I’ve thought of and wondered as well
I know when I’m out an about in the wild as Rachael I’m most likely seen at quick glance as female, but I know on closer examination they will see male but hopefully see at least a trans women
My male side is defiantly blended these days as I do wear makeup in semi male mode and sometimes female attire that is kinda neutral
Yes I too am fluid and I see myself female prob about the 60 percent and 40 male the rest
Jocelyn,
This is a subject I have thought about often. I wear heels in ‘male’ mode. Most of my clothes I wear everyday came from the women’s departments. And I have painted nails and hairless legs. I wear women’s shorts all summer. Tomorrow is a planned ‘mess with your mind day’ where I will have shorts and knee high stiletto boots on. What perception do others have of me? Good question, very good question, but in the end it doesn’t matter because I am me.
Example, I picked up gas (petro) this afternoon, and the older women sitting in the car next to mine definely noticed my heels while I was pumping gas (petro), the double-take told me. Did she also notice my nails? What was her perception? Did I give her something to talk about at dinner? Who knows, but I am too busy to worry about that minor encounter or any of the 30 or 40 other encounters I had today. I live my life on display, we all do. People will see what they want to see, and mostly they’re not paying attention..
Good for you Cali, my thoughts as well
I am me I’m too busy to worry to much what somebody thinks of my attire
Rachael
Cali,
Way to go girl! Just be yourself and dress the way you want. And I bet you look great, either pumping gas or fine dining.
I would love to wear heels, but I haven’t found a pair yet that don’t really hurt after a few minutes. Being 6’ 4” the extra 3 to 4 inches would really make me stand out.
Isn’t it great so many of us are just “me”, and not concerned about other people’s perception of us.
Love,
Jocelyn
Rachael,
Thank you for adding to this discussion. Each of us has our own thoughts about who we are. It does take time to completely accept our feminine side. We can then be very comfortable and proud of how we present.
Congratulations on your 60% female persona. Well done.
Love,
Jocelyn
Hi Jocelyn,
Great post girl another one of late that truly stops and makes you think.
As far as my perception of you is you’re still an attractive classy women. The photo you took is a perfect example of exactly that and your radiant smile about says it all.
My perception of myself is a happy cross dresser who is comfortable being both male and female. I’ve always told my wife that there are two totally different people living in this body. One is Trish and the other is Pat. I enjoy my time as both. If I was to put a percentage on each one now I would say I’m 70% Trish and 30% Pat. Back in the early days I’d say it was 60% Trish and 40% Pat. Thanks again for the post girl and for making me think, I really enjoyed reading it.
Trish❤️
Dear Wonderful Trish,
Thank you very much for the compliments. You make me blush, plus you make me feel so good about myself. You are very kind.
I’m glad I made you think. Every once in a while we should take stock of ourselves. You and I are indeed happy in our lives.
70% female, very impressive. You are a very attractive woman. Keep smiling.
Love,
Jocelyn
Jocelyn,
The first difference between us is no one will see my male image again , that is my plan apart from dealing with the situation with my grandsons . Otherwise my perception is totally female because that is the basic building block of how I want to exist now , my name is officially changed so when I hear people call my name or refer to me as ” she” or ” her ” it feels so normal .
I totally agree with your comment about what anatomy lies beneath , whatever we have serves a basic purpose otherwise it’s all out of sight and out of mind .
My acceptance just gets better and better as Teresa my friendship now fills so many lives , I could have never experienced those feelings as a man .
Society didn’t force me into this decision in some respects my ex-wife did , she was always going to be my harshest critic , if I could successfullly transition in her eyes , the rest of society would be easy . Besides my aim was always to totally integrate into society as Teresa .
Teresa,
Thank you for your comments.
Each of us has to travel the road before us.
It’s good you have a name change.
Jocelyn