By Crystal Joens
…who’s the most feminine of all. Unfortunately, mirrors can’t lie or compliment or re-touch. For years, I have said, that if weren’t for scales and mirrors, I would still believe I am in my late 20’s. It is as much, or more, about how you feel, than how old you are. So, while the mirror is occasionally my friend, I prefer the time machine of mirror-less existence. Except!
Every one of us who dress ends up using the mirror. Why? Seems obvious, yet I am not entirely sure of the nuances of mirroring and wonder what you think. Could it be that many of us dress alone, in secrecy, and the mirror is our only visual feedback on the image or illusion we want to create, other than a photo? Maybe it helps us get better at style, hair or makeup. It is a way of failing forward. Mirror check – adjust – mirror check – adjust. Some of us, again alone without support, have cleverly used the mirror with our camera phones to show both sides at once. Who else will tell us our skirts are stuck in our pantyhose or that our hair is a mess in the back? If we are honest with ourselves, a challenging task at times, the mirror gives us the only truly unbiased view or ourselves. It just reflects us and leaves any judgement to us. Some would say the mirror never lies, I would posit that it also never compliments us enough.
How many of us would use one our best makeover photographs, put it on a large canvas and hang it on the wall in our home? Probably, quite a few of us, if we could. Since that is seldom feasible, a portrait size mirror in a key location, is like a self-portrait. One that changes as we change – clothes, looks, hair, poses – like a rotating screen saver. Consider placing such mirrors about the house. For one thing, if you are dressing in secret, and many sadly are, it gives you constant positive feedback as you move around. And, unlike an actual portrait, you have deniability if you need it. Now you see you, now you don’t. If you aren’t there or dressed, nobody will see you. Although that is sad. I looked in the mirror recently, while dressed up, and realized my reflection is the best kind of selfie there is. When I dress up and step in front of my full-length mirror, phone camera or not, I see a work in progress, hopefully a masterpiece in progress.
Even though seemingly silent, every time you step in front of a mirror, it is saying, “You got this!” One more thought, and I am eager for your insights. Whether dressed or not, the mirror is as much a reflection of my inner self as are my outward attempts at beauty and femininity.
PS – Photo of two pairs of blue slacks and red shoes, is not a mirror. One day a good friend of mine and I both showed up for coffee, wearing blue slacks and red shoes. You know which one I am, and you know I wanted to be in her shoes!
-Crystal Joens
8 Responses
Crystal, fabulous post – I loved it.
For me, the mirror is my harshest critic and my best friend. In my early days, it constantly nagged me and reminded me that I needed to try a lot harder whilst also gently encouraging me. Nowadays, the smile I see is my compensation for all of the frustrations and anxieties I’ve endured as I’ve strived, and finally started, to see a living breathing woman rather than just ‘him’ wearing her clothes for the sake of.
It’s also set me the biggest conundrum of my life. It’s the demarkation between what I feel and what I see and I always struggled to understand which was more important to me. Was the woman in the mirror the sole focus as I strived to create the ideal woman (just as an artist paints a picture or an architect designs a building) or was she just the validation of my own deep feminine feelings? Or is a shift from the former to the latter inevitable as we start to realise that what we once dismissed as pure fantasy starts to feel achievable?
Whatever the answer, I’ll just say that the world would be a far worse place without mirrors!
Crystal,
On a fundamental note , aren’t the majority of us lucky to have our eyesight so we can see those reflections . I ‘ve been told there are partially or blind CDers/transgender people , I can’t imagine how difficult their sitaution is .
On a lighter note , well I admit I have painted myself into a painting which went on public display , it wasn’t intended to reveal Teresa to my painting group but I never really looked back once I’d made that decision .
What would we do without mirrors ? For starters I’d make a terrible mess of my face if I couldn’t see to shave every morning . The one question it poses is which had more of an influence on you , a mirror or a picture ? For me it was the revelation of a picture , it was the first time I appreciated how much the man had disappeared even when I ‘d used a mirror to apply my makeup before hand .
Even now being full time a mirror is an essential basic tool , makeup doesn’t take me that long in the mornings but I’d be lost without a mirror . I’ve usually decided what I’m goung to wear for the day so it’s usually a quick check in the mirror to make sure it has come together .
As for skirts accidentally tucked in my knickers , it’s not actually happened but I’ve come close !
The other question is your mirror your friend or something you’d prefer to avoid ? As Teresa it’s always my friend because I see the person I prefer to be , on the very rare occasions I have to do male mode its’ definitely something I avoid .
Maybe next time you have coffee with your friend you both will be wearing red pumps with your blue slacks.
Mirrors definitely are a fundamental part of our experience as trans/CDs
I know for myself it helps me not see the guy when my wig is just right or see the guy when not.
It’s also that reflection of who are we really and if this is the image we see than maybe just maybe it gives up confidence to go out into the world and show others we are just people trying to make it out there
Great post
Or digital cameras..!
Remember the good ol’ days of film?
Taking your precious photos to be processed and being dead scared of the operator looking at them.
If they put two & two together would they come up with you..?
Gods gift to the CD/TG world would have to be the digital camera.
Crystal, that is a great photo of your mirror on the wall.
Mirror mirror mirror on the wall,
Who is the fairest of them all?
I have to say it’s you,
I can’t believe it’s true
I’ve searched every where
and no one compares with you..!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJb-Xu2IbZE
Or maybe this version
Mirror Tell me, mirror mirror, Who’s that stranger on the wall?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trgI27lx4kM
Pamela
Pam, a quick procedural FYI. When you comment with a link, I have to approve it before it runs. I happily do so, but yesterday, I was busy creating new experiences, so I just now was able to approve it. 😊
Thanks, I wondered what the problem was, that explains it then…
I hope you enjoyed the music.
❤️