I’m the keynote speaker at Atlanta Comfort Conference in September later this year. Tickets are currently on sale. Come watch me in action. I’d love to give you a big ol’ Gwen Hug!!!
I’M A TRANSFORMER AND PROUD OF IT!
What kind of woman do you wanna be?
Nobody—and I mean NOBODY—gets to tell you. Not society with its fancy rulebook, not the trans community (we’re all winging it too!), not your family, and definitely not that sneaky little voice in your head whispering “prove it, girl!” Nope. The only one holding the remote control to your life is YOU.
We waste so much time and energy trying to prove “this is who I am!” We’re out here doing emotional parkour—twisting into pretzels, chasing likes like they’re the last slice of pizza at a party, arguing online till our thumbs cramp, and ending up exhausted with a side order of heartache.
But here’s the hilarious part I learned the hard way (and yeah, I’ve got the sparkly unicorn sticker on my laptop to prove it, right next to my “I survived another Monday” one): what if we quit the proving Olympics and just started deciding for ourselves?
Picture this. I used to stand in front of the mirror for hours, stressing if I was “woman enough” for everybody else. Trying to “Pass”. You know?
Then one legendary bad hair day—you know, the kind where my wig looked like it lost a wrestling match with a ceiling fan AND a hair dryer on steroids—I just cracked up. Out loud I told my reflection, “Girl, what kind of woman do YOU wanna be today?”
It became a game. “OK Chicka, who do you want to be today?” I became a Transformer. Not in the transgender sense. But in a “me” sense. I had the power I. Myself to be whomever I wanted, to look how I wanted and not what society told me I was authorized to be or face ridicule.
Not the Instagram-filter-perfect one. Not the one everybody high-fives. Just the goofy one who laughs at her own hot mess, collects random foodie memes like they’re treasure, and still shows up kind and laughs even when the world’s throwing shade like it’s going out of style.
That one silly question flipped my whole script! It’s like going from “Am I doing this right?” (spoiler alert: there’s no official scorecard) to “What feels fun and right for ME?” Boom—the pressure disappeared faster than my diet on Taco Tuesday.
Now I get to pick my own flavor: sassy and a little chaotic, fierce like a mama bear guarding her last coffee, quiet bookworm with fuzzy socks, or loud adventure queen who just wants to dance in the rain. Maybe even massive cleavage and Sex Goddess and the heck what anyone thinks!
Whatever sprinkles make my soul sparkle!
So I’m asking YOU right here, right now: What kind of woman do you wanna be? Not someday when everything’s “perfect.” Not after one more thing. Today. This week. In your own gorgeous, goofy, one-of-a-kind Auntie Gwen kinda way.
Drop it in the comments if you’re feeling brave—I’d love to read them! Your answer might just give somebody else the giggles and the courage to stop proving and start living their best (and funniest) life.
You’ve totally got this. And I’m over here cheering louder than a unicorn at a glitter party for the amazing woman you’re choosing to be.
Big hugs (and maybe a virtual taco),
�Dr. Gwen Patrone
#gwenpatrone
#LGBTQSupport
#ibelieveinyou
#transbeauty
#transgenderlivesmatter
#letyourtruthshine
THE THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE
“Define your life by what you love, not by what you hate. Hate is a slow poison that corrodes the soul from within—until one day, you risk becoming the very thing you despise.”
— Dr. Gwen Patrone
In today’s politics, we rarely debate policies anymore. The first instinct is too often to vilify the other side as evil. As a transgender woman, I know this all too well—people like me have become a political football, even toxic to some. It would be so easy to return the hate I sometimes receive.
But I choose not to. The hard path is turning the other cheek and refusing to replicate that bitterness. Instead, I focus on showing people, one at a time, that we are good people—caring neighbors, contributors to society, and human beings worthy of dignity and respect.
“Wow, you’re nothing like I thought,” is a common response I get when someone takes the time to get to know me before reacting in the usual way.
Love, on the other hand, does the opposite: it expands you. It opens the door to understanding, heals divisions, builds bridges, and lifts us toward a better future. Where hate shrinks and destroys, love creates and unites.
Our political system desperately needs this correction—moving from personal vilification back to principled debate and shared humanity.
There will always be moments when you have the opportunity to test your will: to show love instead of responding in kind. Our true power lies in how we react to hateful situations or people. This is what defines us and can ultimately change the world. However, it has to start from within us first. It’s difficult at first, as all things worthwhile are.
Choose love over hate. Build rather than tear down. Show kindness, one person at a time. The future depends on it.
— Dr. Gwen Patrone
3 Responses
A great pair (of posts), Gwen 😊
‘The thin line’ particularly resonated with me. The number of blogs that have descended into political ranting about our plight is frankly depressing these days. Everything you said is absolutely right and it often feels like the simple fact that politicians need votes and regardless of any soundbites they may make, they will almost always default to the position that they believe will be most productive for them. And in our context, where trans rights clash with women’s rights, that generally means the latter given that the population of that group is far higher. So whilst we may get concessions here and there, it’s doubtful that we’ll ever see the unconditional acceptance that many expect.
Whenever I step over the divide, it’s with the simple premise that I’m going to try to do whatever it takes to appear worthy of an exception being made. I know that there will never be any doubt in the minds of those I interact with as to what I am and take nothing for granted but do whatever I can to demonstrate that whatever the law or public opinion may or may not say or think in general, I can be trusted enough to be afforded the privileges that my presentation and demeanour suggest that I aspire to. I’ve not yet had a door slammed in front of me but if it ever happens, there are plenty of other doorways to try.
Gwen,
I wonder if we all go through the stage of wanting to be every women we see in the street , when I drove home knowing I would have the chance to dress and pass a woman in a nice outfit I would say to myself i shall be just like you in ten minutes . I realise now that was part of the learning curve , we gradually learn what suits us and what doesn’t and at times what is sexy or not . We have to be realistic , we need to take a good look in the mirror , be honest and decide what suits your figure , get to know yourself and become YOU not a clone of other women . Women as so lucky because they have so many choices in presentation , they can dress for their mood , they can dress for the occasion and best of all they can have fun with their choices .
As I’ve commented before going full time is very different , whatever the day throws at you you have chosen to do it as a woman , perhaps the big turning point for me was when I officially changed my name , I was no longer going out as a woman I was going out as Teresa , my identity was written in stone , I’d more or less nailed the guy in his box ! It gave me the courage and the confidence to start ticking off my bucket list . Going back to your title , yes I am a transformer and proud of it .
The political side of things doesn’t really bother me , I apologise to the transgender community but I’m no longer here to make waves , I’ve been there and said my piece and turned a few heads and hopefully educated a few who were prepared to listen . Whatever the political picture of the day is they can do nothing to change the individual , if you’re transgender then that is fact , it’s no different to being gay , no laws on Earth have managed to change these human traits . What really gets my goat is the hypocrisy of these people in power , some are gay and some are even transgender and yet they often choose not to stand up for their own rights as well as ours .
Life has thrown me many curve balls, but I’ve managed to hit many of those out of the park. I was asked once why I color my nails. My answer: “I color my toes because I can’t cut my toenails and I like color. I color my fingernails to mess with your mind. Is it working?” Of course all said in a nice calm voice with a smile.
I like the combination of genders I can be.