Ever scrolled through your feed and felt that quiet storm inside when you see a woman who’s just… breathtaking? For me, as a trans woman, it’s always been this tangled web of admiration and something deeper.
I’ve spent decades attracted to the female form— that “Wow, she’s so beautiful” moment hits like a wave. But here’s the raw truth I’ve wrestled with: Is it attraction, or is it envy?
Do I want to “DO” her, or “BE” her?
Obviously, I became her. You can see the picture attached to this post to show the obvious. I’m happy, comfortable and a combination of the best of my male and female self.
Back to my post…
It’s this conflict that’s so often overlooked, taken for granted in the noise of everyday life. Society doesn’t hand us a manual for when desire and identity blur like that.
For the longest time, I thought my feelings were “wrong” or confusing because they didn’t fit neatly into boxes. Conditioning whispers that attraction should be straightforward, but what if it’s layered? What if that pull toward her beauty is also a mirror reflecting who I’ve always known I am?
If you’re reading this and it’s stirring something familiar—a quiet ache, a question you’ve buried—know you’re not alone. That envy? It might just be your soul recognizing itself. And the attraction? It doesn’t have to cancel out your truth; it can coexist, evolve, maybe enhance.
Ever feel like your attractions are set in stone? For over 60 years, I thought I was strictly into women—because that’s what society drilled into me. “This is normal, that’s not.” Conditioning AKA programming at its finest. But life has a way of surprising you.
I still love women as my #1—nothing changes that. I am married for over 35 years to one hot 🔥 woman.
But discovering attraction to men? How can I explain it in other terms?
It’s like acquiring a taste for a fine bourbon. At first, it’s unfamiliar, maybe a bit sharp. Then, over time and with small sips, you start appreciating the nuances—the depth, the warmth, the unexpected kick. Suddenly, you realize dipping into the other pool now and then isn’t just okay; it’s downright fun.
My hot button? When they are turned on to me. It’s a feminine affirmation nuclear button. DEFCON 1.
Let me articulate in more detail. I’m not necessarily “attracted” to a man the same way as I am to a woman but, like my bourbon analogy, the taste is quite exquisite simply because I allowed myself to explore what society says is forbidden fruit.
Attraction isn’t a rigid box. Society tells us what we “should” feel, but why limit ourselves?
Maybe you’ve been conditioned too. What if exploring those “other options” opens up a whole new world? No judgment, just curiosity. You may acquire that taste, you may not. How will you know unless you take a few sips.
For me, embracing both has brought a kind of peace I didn’t think possible. Maybe unpacking it step by step, without judgment, can do the same for you.
Let me know if this resonates—clarity often comes from sharing the mess. 💖
Dr. Gwen Patrone
#TransJourney #AttractionAndIdentity #FindingClarity #gwenpatrone
3 Responses
This is such an intriguing post for me Gwen! First, as a heterosexual male I am attracted to the female form. No way around it, we are hardwired for that! When I first stumbled across some CD/TG photos I thought I was just an admirer, but soon discovered I wanted to do be like that too – to have persons admire your form as you have admired others, and in some small measure experience what that aspect of life is like from a female perspective, to explore that curiosity that I know I’ve always held.
Or, as my wife once put it “You want to feel sexy!” Yup, she knows and fortunately for me understands…and I don’t feel the least bit guilty about it!
Kris
Gwen,
Without doubt I know those feelings , ” do I want her or do I want to be her ? or is it both ? The fact is something that attrcts us will turn us on and that’s not purely from a male perspective . Women know what turns them on and which also means they know how to turn others on , lets face it so do clothing manufactuers , they know what sells clothes .
I’m intrigued to know in a lesbian relationship what attracts a woman to another , I can’t answer that as I don’t know any lesbians , I often feel a transgender male has similar feelings , it’s like a double attraction for me . On the whole women are more narcistic , they spend more time perfecting their look and checking out what clothes look good , most of us know that results in a female wardrobe that often overflows with outfits ( guilty of that one !) .
Confession time , ” I hate men !! OK it’s obviously from personal experiences , my father was an overbearing bully , he stood for most things I hate in men , so the thought of ever dabbling is a total none starter . They have no attraction for me , I have transfomed because I love women and love being accepted as one but saying that I do enjoy a little flirting , it’s fun but I know when to stop . I appreciate there are some really nice guys , not all mean you harm BUT I know what makes them tick , they reach a certain age where they may not want sex as much instead they’re just looking for a nurse maid .
What is sexual attraction really about ? I guess we’re not so dissimilar to the animal kindom , we look for a mate who will either bear our children or be the provider of good offspring . How often does woman see an attractive man and think , ” I don’t mind having his babies !!! ” in that context it’s not aquired it’s natural instinct .
I do feel a CDer/transgender person do love themselves more , in doing so they know they can make themselves more attrcative BUT the question is who for , are we like many women that just please themselves for the image they see in the mirror ? I still recall when a GG on an online forum suggested I looked into Autogynephilia , the more I discovered the more I felt it fitted . It wasn’t until I contacted a professional in the field and posed the question that it possibly fitted transgender people rather than transsexuals , she agreed and sent her piece supporting that idea . Roughly translated it made sense that many of us do love ourselves as women but all this was several years ago , going full time placed all these ideas and therories back in their boxes along with their labels , on a daily basis they make very little difference to my life now .
Gwen,
First, you are looking great, but importantly you are growing into your new reality. Keep on growing.
====
Attraction/Envy is the double edge blade sword here. I too have been attracted to and envious of many attributes of women; their clothes, make-up, etc.
Lucky(?) life has allowed me to assimilate several of the things that I envied into my everyday life. For example, I damaged several nail beds, so I need acrylic nails. As a result, I have long exquisite gel nails. They are not to attract others; they are for ME (and to make other women envious – LOL).
Women don’t always dress to attract a male; they dress for themselves and other women.
Bottom line: Do I want to “DO” her, or “BE” her?
YES!