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A common sense discussion about using the ladies room.

I ran this essay back at the old place and got tremendous feedback. Here we go again….

Understand, I have no idea what Ohio law is regarding the use of bathrooms and could not care less. When I am dressed, I am a woman and I use the ladies room.

Here are a few common sense rules I follow.

  1. Minimize the use of the bathroom when out. I know I use the restroom less frequently when I am out dressed for a number of reasons (sometimes painfully so). I am aware of this so I consume less liquid. And I’ll be delicate here, when tucked, I cannot operate as easily as I would otherwise. So I am able to hold things longer than usual.
  2. Be smart about it. Get in and out. Don’t linger. We all like to touch up our lipstick or fix our hair before leaving the restroom, getting that female experience. The restroom is not the place to take risks. If it’s crowded, just wash up and leave. Get a feel for the others there. I have had other ladies engage me in conversations, I have even had a conversation with a young lady while she changed her dress in front of me. But I never assume anything. I act like I belong, but do what I need to do and leave.
  3. When I am in a public restroom and young children enter, I stay put. If I happen to be in a stall, I stay until the children leave. If I see them entering before me, I wait. If they enter while I am washing up, I quickly finish and leave. It’s all about being smart here as well. Nothing positive can happen in this situation with children involved, it will only be nothing or something negative.
  4. I always carry Purell in my purse, which allows me to skip the hand washing process when needed. Depending on the situation, I apply my Purell in the stall and simply exit when finished.
  5. Focus on what you need to do, not who is in there with you. When using the mirror, I tend to my business and leave. I’m not in there trying to make friends or watch what someone else is doing. There is a big wide world out there to do that.
  6. Walk in, lock the stall, do your business and get out in an appropriate fashion.
  7. I spend quite a bit of time at the art museum. I know a ladies room in a corner of the building that is not often used due to its location. I’ve probably been alone in there at least 30 times. That is my bathroom as I know the odds of an issue are minimal. Use the more isolated facility.
  8. For goodness sake, do not take selfies in the ladies room. Do I need to explain?
  9. Act like a woman, look like a woman. Women, shall we say, make noise when they pee. They use toilet paper. You get the point. Keep your feet pointed straight and together as many women have their panties and/or hose down around their legs forcing this stance. And NEVER stand to pee.
  10. Pay attention to where you are. Read the room. There are establishments where I might be hesitant. There are other places where I am just one of the girls. For example in a volunteer situation, I have already been accepted as a woman, so I am more comfortable. At a play in an upscale theater, I’d be more careful. That is more of a general public situation, caution is advised in those situations.
  11. Using the ladies room is not a bucket list item. It is part of being a human being. Treat it accordingly.

This all really boils down to simple common sense. Act like you belong and the odds are pretty good that no one will pay you any attention. For me, it’s no different than my rules for going out in general, be smart, appropriate and confident. Just remember, everyone is in the restroom for a reason. Take care of your business and get out of there.

One editorial comment. We all want to get to that place where our attire is not an issue. Behaving in the ladies room is the first and biggest step to that day.

Happy Halloween all! I maybe the only crossdresser (however defined) on the planet who hates Halloween. Always have (even as a kid), always will. I’ll be sitting at home while my wife (who loves the day) hands out candy. For me, my clothing is not a costume, but I do understand the value of the day for those just getting their sea legs being out.

If you have a link to another site that you believe represents what we do here and would like it added to the “Links” page for quick access and/or to let a sister know about it, please contact me directly. We continue to build a community here, whether it’s five of us or five thousand, that is our purpose.


23 Responses

  1. Kandi
    Like you when I’m out dressed I’ll use the ladies but I’m always careful as I don’t what to cause any offence. You really offer some great advice. Thank you.
    Davina xxx

  2. kandi,
    Being full time there is not an alternative for me . I do agree with most of your comments the only one I may differ on is when children are using the facilities . I’ve never had a problem with a mother and child situtation but as you say there are sensible guidelines , just do what you need to do , I don’t go looking for conversation but also don’t ignore people .

    The situation is odd as in some countries they use the same facilities , I have to admit I was in male mode using the urinals and in the background women were passing by to use the cubicles .

    One question , have you ever tried to pee during a days skiing ? it’s hard enough for men so it must be very difficult for women with the boots and all the layers of clothing .

    1. It depends on what you have on. The coat goes on the hook. I wear bibs or a one-piece ski suit, so peeing standing is easy. When I need to do more, I have to lower my clothing to my knees while keeping it off the floor, the boots help here. Hardest part is wiping, similar to have knee high boots and skinny jeans. I think women will do the same thing. Skiing pretty is fun, but expensive to have women’s equipment and outfit needed. Skiing underdressed is much more affordable.

  3. Kandi:
    Excellent PSA! I’ve just begun to go out, and used the ladies room only once. NO problems, but I instinctively tried to follow the steps you point out. i am confident all will be OK if i continue to do so.

  4. Kandi,

    I generally follow your basic rules and always use the women’s room. I have never had an issue, except when at the theatre and waiting in a long queue like everyone else. That is always an issue, because everyone is in a hurry and I can’t go when I am in a hurry. Many a time I have waited in a long line and then couldn’t urinate and had to hold it for the next hour. Ugh! Your best point is to be thoughtful. A toilet is a safe space for women. As women, we need to respect that above all else.


    ps. I am not into Halloween either. I certainly can’t dress in basic women’s attire, as those are simply my clothes. I do have a couple of costumes, including a flight attendant one I created that I think looks good enough to really use! But, I wish everyone else out there a safe “flight” from their male reality, if they are using today as an excuse!

  5. you should also be alert to the fact that–just the opposite of the men’s room-a lot of women tend to initiate a conversation while in the ladies room

  6. I agree with all of these great suggestions, I admit the first time I used a ladies room I was nervous as I’m sure most of us were, and I even had my then wife with me as a buddy
    However since that long ago first time I don’t even think about if I need to go when I’m en fem the ladies room is the only place I consider
    As you say it’s simple get in get out.
    I will say I love the hooks in the stall for my purse it’s such nice Convenience something I never thought of in male mode lol

  7. Kandi,
    I always used the ladies room and never had an issue. The four rules I always follow are:

    1. Act like you belong there.
    2. Don’t talk to anyone.
    3. Point your feet towards the stall door.
    4. Get in & out as fast as possible.

    If the bathroom is empty it’s okay to do a quick lipstick or hair touch-up but if someone comes in leave immediately, even if you’re not finished. You can always use a store mirror to finish up.

  8. The only bathroom issue I have ever had (knock on wood) was in a gender neutral restroom at a drag bar (kit kat lounge), where a cis woman made a comment to her friend, ” why is he using the ladies room.” I was enfemme, so her friend explained, ” it’s a gender neutral restroom. ” which means one patron at a time ! Kandi, you are right get in and get out. Take care of business and we all can get along.

      1. Yessssss ! That blew my mind, hearing that from the woman in line, waiting to use a gender neutral restroom at a drag club in the heart of Boystown!

  9. I have two bathroom related comments.

    1. The first time I used the ladies loo was at a Nordstrom in Chicago (prior to that, I had always used unisex bathrooms when out). This time, a unisex bathroom wasn’t available, so I walked in. Open door, no one in. Great. Enter stall, do business. Exit stall, there’s a woman leaving the stall next to me. OK, deal with it. Only the woman says “that’s a great looking dress” and I mumble I got it here (meaning Nordstrom). It was not the conversation I expected.

    2. I have been out in public with GG friends Michelle and Karla, and we have gone into the restroom together. I generally remind them I don’t like to talk in restrooms because I don’t want others wondering why there is a male voice in the woman’s room.

    During my times out, I’ve never had an issue using the ladies.

  10. Sorry to continue the subject of using restrooms while skiing but I recall a very rustic log cabin in the mountains in Bulgaria . The food was hot and tasty but the restroom was a hole in the ground with two handles screwed to the wall ! On that occasion was glad I could stand up , one woman in the party had to call for help as she’d almost slipped down the hole !!!

    While it’s not about what our speech sounds like , all I do is raise it slightly and speak softly . I do have a long term problem with my throat and also wearing hearing aids gives a slightly different sound to your own voice . Which brings me back to the point of people making a decision on the visual aspect before they hear your voice , so I don’t usually have a problem .

  11. Thank you Kandi for your straightforward 11 common sense tips.
    I especially liked the Purell in your purse one. I will remember that.
    Being a fairly new girl, I appreciate your contributions very much!

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