Hey everyone, I’ve been turning this over in my mind a lot lately, especially after what happened to Charlie Kirk.
I had to get away and detox, so I went on a 6 day cruise with no internet. Yeah. Try it sometime.
Back to my feelings…
It’s heartbreaking, really—the way he was taken out so suddenly, right after speaking on tough topics like trans issues and shootings. And now the whole conversation’s exploding with accusations of hate speech on one side and defenses of free speech on the other.
I live a transgender life every day…
As a trans woman who’s listened to him plenty, I have to say: yeah, we didn’t agree on my life choices, but hate? I never heard or felt that from him. Not once.
I understand why his words hit hard for so many. Drawing from his faith, he’d call out things like gender-affirming care as moral wrongs—comparing it to dark historical atrocities or saying it defies God.
I met plenty of people on the cruise, in the hot tub, pool, dinner, theater and just hanging out and all were pleasant to me. Many genuinely wanted to ask sincere questions. No hate. Just curiosity.
In this charged political moment, with elections looming and states clashing over rights like sports participation or bathroom access, it all feels intensely personal. Social media just amplifies it, trapping us in echo chambers where every disagreement becomes a full-on war. One side hears dehumanization; the other, honest conviction.
We all need to be less triggered and have a buffer. It’s the choices we make after we hear news and before we take action that define us. Take a moment, breathe.
I was honestly mumbling to myself as this was unfolding, “Please don’t let it have anything to do with trans people”. We have been labeled toxic by some media and I didnt want any more fuel to the fire.
Then something like this shooting happens—the shooter, with a trans partner, texting that he’d “had enough of the hate”—and it links everything together in the most tragic way. “Dang”, I thought, “Not again”.
My heart goes out to everyone caught in it; no one comes out ahead when rhetoric turns to violence.
But here’s what’s stuck with me. There’s a clear line between disagreeing with someone’s choices—my choices—and truly hating them as people.
Here’s the big question.
Is it hate speech or simply speech you hate?
Charlie struck me as driven by passion for his values, rallying young conservatives without seeming to wish harm on individuals. He even spoke about transition regret and mental health in ways that felt human, not dismissive. Not racist or homophobic. I didn’t feel any of that.
His wife’s speech after his passing felt so authentic anf touching. Do yourself a favor and watch it all and see if you don’t see Charlie Kirk differently afterward.
You may not agree with some or all of what she said, but get out of your social media bubble for a few minutes and open your mind to the other side for a while. Seek first to understand, then be understood as the proverb says.
In this climate, though, the constant battling is wearing us all down. We’re too quick to label everything as hate to silence it, or to dismiss real pain as overreach. And sure, his rhetoric likely fed into those anti-trans bills cropping up everywhere.
But if we can’t distinguish between clashing worldviews and outright malice, we’ll just keep deepening the divides, inviting more harm. That shooter’s story hits especially close, making you pause and ask how we reached a point where disagreement feels like an existential threat to be taken to the next final level… violence.
What I’m hoping for, as someone navigating the trans experience every day, is more room for the nuances, never violence.
Conversations like neighbors, not adversaries. Like I did on my cruise. We weren’t enemies. Simply people having conversations. People we disagree with become dehumanized when we can’t touch them. We need to exit our bubble and go outside and interact with others as we used to in society. It’s much harder to hate someone when you look them in the eyes.
Charlie’s loss makes this all much harder, but maybe it’s the stark reminder we need: hold space for those who disagree without feeling targeted, and call out genuine venom when it appears.
That’s where my heart’s at right now—raw, but honest.
What’s stirring in yours these days?
Dr. Gwen Patrone
One Response
Gwen, thank you for saying what needed to be said and thank you Kandi for posting it.
Even though I am in the UK, I have been deeply affected by Kirk’s assassination. Although I’m probably more aligned to his beliefs than many readers here, like you I disagreed with some of what he said but he could articulate things in a way that at least got me to question whether my own beliefs were still valid. More often than not they were but it was always good to hear a coherent argument for the opposing view even if I was ultimately unswayed. And even as a non-believer myself, I found his faith-based arguments compelling and reminded me that just because I don’t attend church, pray or have any faith myself, it doesn’t mean that I can’t live my life according to Christian values.
Your point about meeting others in the hot tub, pool etc. was well made. My experiences interacting with others are limited but, even so, I have never experienced intolerance or hate. In fact sometimes I’ve sensed that others have gone out of their way to be affirming. But I’ve only ever interpreted that as affirmation that it’s OK to be me – a trans identifying male of some description – and I have no doubt whatsoever that every single woman I’ve interacted with has boundaries which would change things if I crossed them. But it’s important that we don’t conflate those boundaries with hostility against trans people in general and us as individuals in particular.
Too many people have been villified or ‘cancelled’ for questioning the narrative and in the UK this has got to the point where even using the ‘wrong’ pronouns can result in a visit from the police. Regimes run by fear, whether authoritarian countries or the depressingly common online mob rule, ultimately fail when the silent majority finds its voice. If any good can come from what happened to Charlie Kirk, it’s that we all find our voices and engage with, not seek to silence, those with different viewpoints.